Should bad kissing be a good reason to not start something?

[Bathtubbathing]

It feels so shallow.

I've known this man for 2 years...met online with intent to be fwb. He's 5hr round trip away. Due to Covid and his family we've only met up IRL 6 times.

We get on really well. Text a lot most days. Lots of things in common and can talk for hours.

But he just can't kiss. It's awful. He's told me many times he loves the way I kiss and my gentle guidance telling him what I like in regards this falls on deaf ears.

Due to a change in his circumstances, he's made it clear he'd like a relationship with me now. He ticks every one of my boxes but I can't get past the awful kissing.

Seems a rubbish reason to not try and have a decent relationship with a good and honest man.

Should the pros win over the cons here, or should I go with my gut that says I don't want to commit to such a bad kisser?

I couldn't be with someone who can't kiss.

From experience, if a man can’t kiss he’s a dead loss.

Take charge. Tell him to do it like this and that. Be firm. Have a go at teaching him, and be bold. You’ve got literally nothing to lose.

Is there a way you can be blunter?

Like “it’s interesting, meeting someone new has made me realise that I actually don’t like Xx at all, I much prefer Yy”

Hmm, this would quite possibly be a deal breaker as it is rather too late to fix.

DH isn't hugely into kissing, he could quite happily live without it. He isn't the best, but he can do it well enough to turn me on. If his kissing ruined the moment, we'd never have sex!

Good point I suppose, if he is willing to learn. I assumed it was something that came naturally. I've kissed some terrible kissers and some great ones. Age and experience apparently irrelevant.

Nope that’s a deal breaker for me

You've met in person six times ever.

He lives five hours away.

I'd be more bothered about points 1 and 2. He is just a friend really, benefits x six can't be many benefits surely?

I'd think someone you have only kissed six times in total could probably improve

@RagzRebooted That's the thing. It's been a long while since we first kissed. He'd be upset if I said anything bluntly now... He'd wonder why I hadn't mentioned it earlier.

@ArcticSkewer 2-2.5hrs drive away. You're right, there weren't many benefits 🤣 His family situation with his elderly parents has changed since we met, so he now has the time available for me that he thought he would have had when we first met up. And as our friendship has developed so much in that time, a relationship with him feels like it is the natural place to go...except his kissing technique is holding me back.

Nope. Sex will be awful. Even a snog is one of life’s few free joys. It won’t improve.

No if can’t kiss don’t go there but having said one a great kisser crap at sex thank god I’m out of all this shit now.

How is he a terrible kisser? Is he:

a) the Washing Machine - tongue goes round and round the mouth at speed, and lots of saliva is produced?

b) the Dead Slug - tongue just sits in mouth largely and limply, not moving?

c) the Pointy Jabber - tongue is very hard and jabs randomly in your mouth?

d) the Teeth Clasher - hits your face with an open mouth with full force. Can end up with bleeding gums.

e) the Lower Lip Sucker - sucks your lower lip and only your lower lip, so that you look like you had fillers that have gone wrong.

f) the Lips Firmly Closed and Pursed. Like kissing Granny goodbye, but no pound coin is slipped into your hand.

MrsSchadenfreude - I think I love you as that sums up pretty much every type of bad kisser but so beautifully written 😆

OP - kissing is such an important part of an intimate relationship (for me!) and so I don't think I could progress with someone who's bad at it. Is the sex good though? I mean, I wouldn't want one without the other but if it's mind-blowing, I could understand the quandary a bit more!

None of those @MrsSchadenfreude He doesn't open his mouth enough. Hardly moves his lips. Tongue action is touching mine lightly with his occasionally. There's no softness to his kiss. And it doesn't make me melt.

@MetellaInHortoEst I LOVE YOUR USER NAME!!!! The Dr Who episode set in Pompeii had me in stitches...I remember watching it live with a group of friends and they thought I was mad!

Anyway, sex with him isn't the best, but isn't the worst. He's teachable in that area. Started off about 3/10. He's up to a 6/10 as we've got to know each others likes.

It’s a good enough reason. If you feel nothing good when kissing him then sex will be worse.

I had a boyfriend like this years ago. But after a few weeks I had to stop. It was utterly dire and you can't easily improve it. I just said things weren't for me. It is horrible.

This would be a deal breaker for me.

God yes. Would give me the ick instantly.

My experience has been Bad Kisser = awkward and terrible in bed.

He's not though.

He's got better at sex each time we met up.

The kissing hasn't improved at the same rate sadly.

I had a fwb this year, i mean awful kisser, like comically bad... But in bed.. Wow. Amazing. So there went that theory for me

Dp is a great kisser and great in bed.
However it's not a sign of overall compatibility. I know, we're facing up to this reality 4 yrs in.
Be careful.

Thing is... Kissing should lead to fanny flutters

But it didn't for your fwb.

We're very compatible in a lot of areas...just not kissing.