Should bad kissing be a good reason to not start something?

[Bathtubbathing]

It feels so shallow.

I've known this man for 2 years...met online with intent to be fwb. He's 5hr round trip away. Due to Covid and his family we've only met up IRL 6 times.

We get on really well. Text a lot most days. Lots of things in common and can talk for hours.

But he just can't kiss. It's awful. He's told me many times he loves the way I kiss and my gentle guidance telling him what I like in regards this falls on deaf ears.

Due to a change in his circumstances, he's made it clear he'd like a relationship with me now. He ticks every one of my boxes but I can't get past the awful kissing.

Seems a rubbish reason to not try and have a decent relationship with a good and honest man.

Should the pros win over the cons here, or should I go with my gut that says I don't want to commit to such a bad kisser?

Oh yes. I actually had an orgasm.
However we're not having orgasms now.
There's alot more to a relationship than fanny flutters.

I once snogged this guy who didn’t touch lips at all, he was just tongue action but without lips touching. It was awful. But not sure it would put me off making a go of it with someone who otherwise ticked my boxes.

I went on a date with someone I’ve liked for around 3yrs (didn’t see him for ages due to covid) a few days ago. We didn’t have a snog but he gave me a kiss on the lips, I was actually thinking driving home (feeling like a teenager) I hope he’s not a bad kisser as I really like him. Hopefully date no 2 we can have a snog!

I can understand OP, it's all in the kiss definitely. Maybe whilst kissing you could say something like, "I'd love you to kiss me passionately", or before you kiss say "this is how I love to kiss and push his mouth open with yours" sounds really daft I know. But I'm determined for you to make him a good kisser and it's maybe possible?
I wouldn't be able to carry on with someone if I wasn't enjoying the kisses and it didn't change.

Do you fancy him?
For me personally kissing is really important. Dh is amazing at kissing and 20 years in I still go weak at the knees.

The only point of a relationship as opposed opposed a friendship with a person is good sexual chemistry. Which the arse falls out of pretty fast if they can't kiss.

Why so desperate be in a relationship?
Just be single unless you can find someone that can kiss.

Perhaps it would be different if it was just the first kiss that was bad. But after that they should be able to adapt to your timing. They shouldn't need bloody guidance! Notoy that, you've given this guy guidance-and he ignores it!

So no, not relationship material.
Not even fling material.
Friendship, maybe, but stop kissing him.

I've been here earlier this year… wasn’t good… gave him the benefit of the doubt, tried to subtlety guide him.. no improvement and the sex was just as bad. Lovely lovely guy with a lot of potential otherwise but I couldn’t continue it after two months.. life’s too short.. 🙃

You’ve only met him six times! With everything else being good, I would definitely not throw him back because he’s not a great kisser yet.

Why not have a couple of drinks together and then get a bit adventurous? Murmur that you’re longing to kiss and kiss and kiss, then you take the lead and encourage him to be a bit wilder as you explore each other. He sounds worth persevering with.

If someone can't kiss well after 6 tries, with 4 of those tries being overnighters, 3 of which we were up late dancing, drinking and kissing and all 4 encouraging him/guiding him/leading him to improve the kissing, I don't think it's going to get any better.

You really think it could? After that many unsuccessful attempts? I'm not hopeful.

You might need to really lay it out for him. Not all me (people) kiss during sex. It’s lovely to get the two together, but some men haven’t had lots of partners, or didn’t start young enough to learn to kiss. I think it is something you might have to learn and practice.

Perhaps his relationship history is limited or the woman he was with didn’t like kissing, maybe he is just inexperienced

I am glad the sex is getting better, you might soon be at a 9 or a 10. Is he affectionate and physical with you when not having sex? I think I might turn it into a bit of fun game. He has to do what you say, include relax your tongue or open your mouth. I am pretty sure you would prefer to be something other than this, but it might be worth the time. Good Luck

I haven’t read the entire thread but @Bathtubbathing you should know that men have testosterone in their saliva and how a man’s seem to kiss to you has a lot to do with your physical compatibility. If in your opinion this man “can’t kiss” is very likely due to incompatibility, maybe even genetically, although I don’t think there is proof of that yet. The point is there is definitely a chemical exchange happening and if it’s a big turn off you should take it seriously.

Nope , deal breaker for sure .

It depends on how important a good kisser is to you.

If he’s not a jabber or a washing machine I think this could be corrected. Be kind but honest. ‘I enjoy kissing you but I would really love it if our kisses were more passionate. Can I show you a movie scene and then we try to recreate it?’ (Have one ready on YouTube with plenty of close up on the lip/jaw movement) Or (whilst kissing) you could go with ‘Can we give something a try? I had a dream you were kissing me really, really passionately, mouth quite open, lips moving a lot, tongue penetrating my mouth now and then…it really turned me on!’

I had this with a man I was friends with/started dating and I could not get past it. I could not get past the fact that a middle aged man was still so ignorant to social cues and still kissed like he was at a year 7 school disco. He didn't get any better, and after a few dates I just wanted to shout 'what the fuck are you doing' and shove him. I didn't, obviously, I just left him to get on with his sad little goldfishy life

How old is he.

Many older people don't want, the open, french kissing style.
Maybe he's got dental problems.

Kissing a lover should be intimate and sexual not the public pecks.
It should turn you on.
I'd have issues with someone who isn't intimate and loving during a private snog.

Very.

I love kissing. It's one of my favourite things. It implies so much, can vary to mean so many different things and is lots of fun without getting sweaty.

Early 50s. A few years older than me.

I actually agree that there are some that don't do kissing with tongues. For me that means it's not a kiss, a good french kiss gets me so excited, turned on and wet. An ex didn't do tongues, which I found really strange, luckily he was fantastic in bed and very physically fit to look at, so it didn't matter so much.
If you're not feeling fanny flutters when you kiss him....what do you reckon you'll do?

If kissing is important to you and he’s crap then there’s your answer, no point in continuing. You’ve only met 6 times, hardly a full on relationship so no loss.

He's become a really good friend though. Someone I chat with most days. We know a whole load of personal stuff about each other and have leaned on each other through some really difficult times.

Ditching all that because he can't kiss seems very shallow. Suggesting we remain friends when he's made it clear he'd like a relationship feels like I'll be leading him on.

My ExH was a terrible kisser. I always hoped it would get better but it didn't. He likewise said I was a poor kisser so perhaps we were just not compatible. (Both now with new partners and in my current relationship the kissing is amazing. Makes me melt.)
One time we went to a park with a pond that had carp in. Seeing their mouths opening and shutting reminded me of kissing ExH and I don't think I ever kissed him again after that! We separated a few years later ...

Only you can decide OP

5 hours for crap kissing and a 6/10. Nah...life is too short

I think it's fixable. It shouldn't have to be but it is. Essentially you need to re-train him but with a very positive, fully of praise about everything else approach.

"You know how amazing you are in bed, well I would like get the same feeling when we are just kissing....can we try this...or can try that? Slow it down or speed it up or do whatever up...can I show you how I like to be kissed as it turns me on more like this?"

If he's a quick learner, it will be worth it. If not, give up"