Being the OW

[AhhShit]

Hello,

I’d started to message an old friend who I’d lost contact with and things got steamy very quickly, much to my surprise. There were no telltale signs that he even had a partner or kids, but after a couple of days of a few texts instead of literally hundreds, I did a bit of snooping. I’ve told him I know about her and the kids, but he’s gone silent again.

I obviously would never have started this if I’d known about her/the kids. Would you tell her? Obviously, I’m going to block him if/when he ever gives me an answer.

Would you want to know? I don’t want to shatter her world, but I think I’d want to know.

Well, it's overstating it a bit to say you're the other woman.

You were sexting. While I agree it's still being unfaithful, it's not like you were actually shagging or having a full-blown affair.

Sounds like he's cooled off or been caught already if he'd dropped contact so much.

Why don't you just block him now? Why are you waiting for his answer? More ammo to throw at the wife?

Did you like him previously? Did he originally turn you down? Why did you hunt him out?

You should already have blocked him. The only reason for you to tell his wife is to hurt her.

Take screenshots of your conversation with him before he deletes them. Then you have time to decide.

If I were the wife I would 100% want to know. So in your shoes I would tell her. As anonymously as possible. Print the screenshots and black out your name and mail them to her? Email them from a burner account?

Or to give her a chance to decide if she wants to stay married to a cheating sleezebag...?

Well he was due to come up this weekend and the hotel is booked.
I did like him previously and him me, but we were both with different people. He then started again a few years ago and I turned him down as we were both single but I wasn’t in a great place. I just messaged him as it was his birthday. I didn’t hunt him out.

I don't think that's fair or true assumption

If I was the wife would want to know.
Op didn't cause the hurt that the wife will feel, her DH did when he sexted another women and broke his marriage vows

I say this as once I was that wife and although it hurt I was grateful to know. Thank god someone had a spine and told me. But easy to say when you know there's light at the particular end of tunnel

No!! Don’t!!

No, I wouldn't tell her - just block him and move on.

Just block him

Absolute nonsense.

I'd tell her. She deserves to know what a creep her husband is!

As someone who has been cheated on, this is what I would have wanted. I ended up finding out myself but if someone had told me I would have wanted it to be just like this.

I’ve taken all the screen shots but he’s deleted his wanking ones, but there’s enough there.

Not the way to find out.

I'd definitely tell her. She deserves to know and make her mind up as to how to proceed.

I would definitely tell her.

Not the way to find out.

I don't think any way to find out is better. At least this isn't him meeting someone and shagging, so it get's her aware that he's untrustworthy, in a somewhat less harsh way than finding out he's full-on got off with someone else.

things got steamy very quickly, much to my surprise.

How could it have been a surprise if you were one of only two people (willingly) participating in the sexting? It's not like you were a bystander watching on from the sidelines, hand over mouth in shock as the situation unfolded!

If I got in touch with an old acquaintance/flame after some time, one of the questions I'd ask before it got to the sending wanking pics/videos and booking hotel rooms would be if they were single. Or maybe I'm just old fashioned.

Sounds to me like you just feel rejected now he's fucked you off and now you want revenge. You're not considering the partner's feelings at all, just your own.

@FFSLTB if your partner was cheating you would prefer not to find out and continue living a lie? Ignorance is bliss type of thing?

@RandomMusings7 I never said that. I'm saying I don't believe OP's version of events or reasons for wanting to reveal the cheating. Don't twist my words

I’m with you on this thought.

Well it's a good thing his wanking ones have been deleted because of you screenshot and sent them (even to his wife) that's probably revenge porn of some kind.

Just block and move on. (A lot of) men are scumbags aren't they.

Cancel the hotel room and block him.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. Hopefully some of them aren't liars or cheaters.

Baboushka.

It's almost like enticement, did you set out to do this ?

This

Heavens forbid a married man isn't spellbound by the wiles of a evil temptress.

It's almost as if he couldn't say no 😒