Boyfriend is kind of making me feel bad about my past…

[EmbarrassedNameChangeDontJudge]

Hi!

So I trued to find other threads about this first, but none of them really fit my situation, so I thought I’d just ask.

So lately my boyfriend has been making comment about our relationship / about my past.
I was a virgin before him, and I’m ”late to the game” and he’s now saying that I’m going to regret only being with one person, how I’m going to want other people at some point, do different things and that I should have had other’s in the past and he pretty much said it wasn’t normal to be inexperienced at my age. These kind of things.

Now, I have never said anything about any of this, I don’t care about other’s and I’ve been fine with everything.
I did try and lightening the mood by saying that he hadnt’t open the door to some magic world of sex that I now have to go and explore 😅 but I don’t think it went so well.

Everything was fine before this, it’s been about a minth now with these comments and they starting to make me bit upset.
More so the comments of my past (well the lack there of….)

I agree with your boyfriend that in a Western non religious context people regret lack of experience when they are older and that twenty seven is late. I don't think it's right to tell others you were a virgin. I think he is being realistic about whether you are ready to settle down or want to explore your sexuality with other partners. I think it's good to be honest and open about sex with your partner and your expectations. It's good to iron things out early on.

Didn't "just announce it"?
But that's EXACTLY what he did.
How on earth would your 'lack of experience' come up unless he bleated about it?
There is NO situation where this information should have been shared with anyone else, & no extenuating circumstances for what he has done.
He has thrown you to the wolves. You will never be just your whole lovely self to these mates - just their mate's virgin, who he has given the go-ahead to discuss & dissect as if all you are to them is a piece of meat, some entertainment.

And it you think THAT is respectful of your boundaries you need to stop dating & do The Freedom Programme until you have learned what a boundary is.
www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

"hasn't been controlling"
He already is.
He reckons he knows more than you about what you want from your sex life.
He is already telling you that you want to explore other men.
How can you not see how creepy & sinister that is?

Sure, sure.

Just ahead of every milestone birthday, I find a new bloke, cross-question him about his past, shag him, them run straight to my mates with the most interesting & salacious PRIVATE detail about him.

Then I regale him with what I've told them, & their response.

Because that's not weird & manipulative & controlling AT ALL.

Sounds insecure. He thinks you'll want to go off and explore. I would remind him its not the lack of experience that would make you go elsewhere, it's his constant bringing it up.

My partner has on and off said things like this, about our age difference. Again just insecure and I tend to roll my eyes and ignore him now.

Okey, people are really going overboard with the fetish and object stuff now.

Like I said, we talked, things are fine and I told him I don’t want to hear those comments again and reassured him I absolutely do not have any interest in other men and that I am happy with him.

Hellogoodbye, I think your comment was rude. Some people get a late start and that is more than fine. Not that I need to explain myself to anyone.

Like I said, we talked, things are fine and I told him I don’t want to hear those comments again and reassured him I absolutely do not have any interest in other men and that I am happy with him.

So ... you've accepted his transgression against your privacy, him discussing you as an object, & now YOU are justifying yourself because he is making you feel like HE is the one who needs reassurance?

OK, good luck.

No, no , he didn’t just announce that I was a virgin to them or anything like that.
They were talking about sex / sexlife, and my lack of experience came up in that conversation and yeah, that’s how they found out.

Honestly, I would have greeted him with the business end of a big cast iron frying pan after he made the announcement to his mates about your lack of experience. And it was indeed an announcement.

The mates didn't 'find out'. He outright told them. He told them something that should never have passed his lips. The fact that he thought that was ok shows that he has no respect for you whatsoever, or for your relationship.

I told him I don’t want to hear those comments again...
But the cat is out of the bag now. Do you not see that he betrayed you and humiliated you? Do you not feel even a little angry about what he did?

Do you think he would feel angry or hurt if you were to talk to your friends, male and female alike, about the size of his penis? Would he feel confident having sex with you again if you had been less than complimentary about it?

...and reassured him I absolutely do not have any interest in other men and that I am happy with him.
And yet you are the one reassuring him?
You are pandering to his irrationality, and glossing over the breach of trust.

I worked in a pub once... If any boyfriend of mine chatted about my sex life or our sex life in the way I've heard groups of beery blokes talking about their sex lives... He wouldn't be my boyfriend any longer...
disgusting, graphic, insulting and offensive.

He didn’t talk about me like an object!
They were talking about sex lives and it along with that it came up that him and I finding out our way, because you know, first partner.

And yeah, I’ve spent years listening my friends talk about their sex lives, what their partner like or look like or what they do.
And they knew or figured out if newer friends I was a virgin. And none of them has treated be like an object or fetish or weird.
So, it’s really not that bad.

Some of you are building way too big story around this.

Hi OP your spoken to him now which is great - maybe he was insecure you may leave him - who knows - anyway this should end his enquiries - you need to be clear to yourself what will happen if he brings it up again.

Some of you are building way too big story around this.

And yet you are the one who was driven to post because your b/f "makes you feel bad" ...

btw - all these friends of yours, who have been discussing their sex lives with you for years, giving details about what their partners do? That doesn't make any of this all right. They are out of order too.

OP, some mistakes you just have to make yourself, no matter how much great advice you receive or how much other people's experiences serve as a warning.

It's almost always the case with first loves. They are all consuming and blind you to everything.

You seem determined to ignore everyone's advice. Which is alright. I know i did exactly the same in my first relationship.

You'll get burned, you'll waste time, you'll come out on the other side with a healthy dose of cynism and self-preservation instinct.

You have been given a good heads up OP, that this behaviour is inappropriate.

Clearly you have decided to ignore your discomfort.

You have been warned.

Good luck.

What @RandomMusings7 said.

Some lessons you have to learn yourself.

But remember, youre the one who posted here because he'd made you feel like.shit. don't ignore your gut.