Boyfriend is kind of making me feel bad about my past…

[EmbarrassedNameChangeDontJudge]

Hi!

So I trued to find other threads about this first, but none of them really fit my situation, so I thought I’d just ask.

So lately my boyfriend has been making comment about our relationship / about my past.
I was a virgin before him, and I’m ”late to the game” and he’s now saying that I’m going to regret only being with one person, how I’m going to want other people at some point, do different things and that I should have had other’s in the past and he pretty much said it wasn’t normal to be inexperienced at my age. These kind of things.

Now, I have never said anything about any of this, I don’t care about other’s and I’ve been fine with everything.
I did try and lightening the mood by saying that he hadnt’t open the door to some magic world of sex that I now have to go and explore 😅 but I don’t think it went so well.

Everything was fine before this, it’s been about a minth now with these comments and they starting to make me bit upset.
More so the comments of my past (well the lack there of….)

Dump him.

He's trying to ruin your confidence.

Probably insecurity on his part. He thinks you'll regret only having one partner.

Honestly OP yes it is bad. Take it from people who have been there, been treated like shit for years, losing their confidence (at the very least) before finally realising what a wanker their OH and dumping them.

It always starts with small stuff. Don't let it progress to the big stuff. Please take heed of the hordes of women on here who are telling you to run. Please take the time to read the Relationships board and see all the threads from women in controlling abusive relationships they can't escape because they've got 2 kids, no money and he's treating them like shit. They all started out this way. Stop it now and learn from it.

Okey, so I decided to just ask him straight why he was saying these things.

And he basically said that he knows from (his) experience that people want to ”have fun” and get it out of their system young.
I told him that this has never been me, and I’m happy with him and don’t have any interst others, I’ve made my choices and happy with that.
I think he gets it now.

And apparently the reason why he has brought up the virginity thing was because he had told his friends I was one and they ”couldn’t believe it” (whatever that means).
This did make a bit sad, I don’t think it was their business and told him that and ask did he doubt that (Sorry TMI: I don’t know how he could, let’s just say it was pretty difficult to - you know - get things going at few first tries.)

It was long talk and he did apologize and we’re going to move on from this.

Honestly, this could be a sign of trouble. Could be early signs of controlling behaviour/porn addiction.

It definitely shows that he has a really unhealthy view of relationships.

See how things go. Its his issue. You sound like you've got your head really screwed on. Remember you can always leave.

It's the wind changing love. He'll be saying you're looking at other men soon and wanting to have sex with them and you'll have to reassure him and then you won't be allowed to go out without him quizzing you about who you're looking at, speaking to, flirting with to get this other sex fix you must be craving. Just dump him now, he is going to turn into a controlling abusive prick.

A 30 year old who needs to tell his friends he's bagged a virgin is no 30 year old any woman should want to be with.

I wouldn't move on from this. He is showing you who he is - an insecure, controlling man child who trusts his mates more than you.

Also why the fuck is he bringing up your sexual status with his friends? He has betrayed your confidence.

That's disgusting that he's told his friend that you were a virgin. Absolutely none of their business!

The way I read it is that he wants more interesting exciting sex. He's basically saying that you haven't learned anything about what you like, or even worse how to 'perform' for him.

However you look at this it doesn't look good. He sounds very immature with the potential to be controlling.

Sweetheart. He is a 30 year old man with a sexual history. He went through all that fumbling uncertainty years ago, with women who were equally fumbling and uncertain. He KNOWS what it is and how it works itself out.

He had no reason to discuss it with his mates. He was bragging, setting himself up as an unusual man with an unusual mate. Bragging and making you 'other'. None of them will ever see you as you now, just as an extension of him and his sexual prowess!

You need to keep your eyes open whilst you work this one out in your head. "We're going to move on from this" too often means he gets to carry on and you 'behave' so as not to rock the boat. If you see even the slightest example of that in yourself pack up and move out.

Not him and his behaviour, that is for him to deal with. YOUR behaviour. If you ever catch yourself doing or saying something to avoid his displeasure, his criticisms pack up and move out because that is a slippery slope that ends in abject misery.

I reckon he's shagging about.

He's projecting his issues onto you.

Urgh. Dump him.

He's not insecure, he's negging you.

Ugh women can't win...

If you're a virgin you won't be satisfied with the-same-dick-for-life so that's a problem

If you've had more partners than him you are promiscuos and will be tempted to stray and you've probably had better/bigger dick before so that's a problem

It's like walking a tightrope...

So to hell with these silly expectations. He has a problem with it because he is stupid and insecure. Which doesn't bode well for the relationship.

Pay attention to how he is controlling or jealous in other small ways. This won't the the only unreasonable behaviour you see from him

It would be ok if he expressed this worry in a normal healthy way and talked about it (asking for reassurance) but the way he's talking isn't functional

And he will go down the route of accusations or suggesting a threesome etc

It was long talk and he did apologize and we’re going to move on from this.

one day you'll look back on this decision with bitter regret

He told his mates you were a virgin?😮

He's a misogynist prick, OP. Please listen to the wise voices on this thread. He'll make your life a misery.

He told his mates you were a virgin and they couldn't believe it.

Why would he tell them this? And why would he then feed back their "can't believe it" response to you? How humiliating.

Run like the wind.. honestly!

A 30 year old that is sharing personal details of his sex life with all his mates is not a 30 year old I'd want to be dating - that is grim. And that's without all the projecting of 'you must want to have fun and sleep around before you settle down because I did' on top of the low self esteem that thinks you're bound to cheat on him.

He might have shagged quite a number of people but he has the emotional maturity of a 15 year old. He's shown his true colours now, learn from this one and go find yourself a grown up.

What the actual F !!!!!!! Get rid of him awful awful sadistic person
Wouldn't it be a good thing ?! Ehhhhh

No, no , he didn’t just announce that I was a virgin to them or anything like that.
They were talking about sex / sexlife, and my lack of experience came up in that conversation and yeah, that’s how they found out.

And to be clear, he isin’ or hasn’t been contolling, I hang out with friends - there are other men in these groups - he’s never said anything. He hasn’t ever mentioned threesomes and all around had been respectful of my boundaries.

He told his friends?!
We'll either he's just THAT "classy" (not!) or he's a liar. Www.

Eww!
Bloody autocorrect

I lost my virginity when I was 28 and didn’t have much experience either. The bloke I lost it to knew all the right things to say and I thought he was kind and lovely too but he turned out to be a controlling dickhead who wore down my boundaries.

your boyfriend had NO RIGHT to be discussing your sexual history with his mates - none. He might see it as a badge of honour that you chose him for your first time but that doesn’t mean he’s good for you. Honestly OP take it from someone who has been there - this one is not good for you.

oh and I posted on here at the time and someone remarked about how controlling he seemed and I didn’t listen. Ended up pretty badly. Wish I had listened to the more experienced woman who tried to point out how gross he was

I’ve only ever dated one guy that was obsessed with my past sex life and he turned out to be a deranged, obsessive and jealous stalker.

i think this guy is bad news. I bet if you had had sexual experiences before him, he would give you a hard time about that instead.