Is my husband gay?

[Confused571]

So I’m really looking for anyone who’s in the same position as me.
I think my husband is gay.
does anyone have any advice on how to find out if he is (I have asked him already of course).
also if anyone has been in this situation what were the signs?
its pretty lonely as I have no one to talk to about it….
signs are -
lack of interest in sex with me and previous relationships

• emotional distance
• very secretive around computer - uses incognito etc
• can’t tell me a single famous woman he fancies

just altogether strange behaviour - often out late with no explanation, lots of male friends who have no partner and have never had a girlfriend since I’ve known them (years). There’s more but I can’t think of it now

Nobody on the internet is going to be able to tell you. But nothing in your list screams "gay" to me.

Nothing on that list screams gay to me.

How did he react when you asked him?

Is he from a background or family where being gay would be frowned upon?

I would look at his behaviours and ask if you want a relationship with him, rather than basing it on if he’s gay or not.

Sounds more like typical cheating behavior. He might have a girlfriend, not a boyfriend, love.

Did he ever show sexual passion for you?

"lack of interest in sex with me and previous relationships
emotional distance
very secretive around computer - uses incognito etc"

All of the above could very equally be someone who is very much heterosexual but who is cheating and/or unable to deal with intimacy/is unable to be honest with their spouse. There are millions of people like this around.

The secretiveness around computer use could literally mean anything but clearly suggests he knows there is something on his computer/device you would not like if you found it.

If you have a gut feeling on this you’re probably right. Have you asked him outright?

Could be gay, cheating, asexual or heck, even a paedophile (of course last one is worse case scenario but it's a lot more common than you'd think...and would explain hiding his computer).

If you're jumping to gay rather than cheating though its probably for a reason. As pp said, trust your gut.

I sometimes can't be arsed with sex either, I'm not a lesbian.

Could be a whole host of things but you know him best. Was he annoyed when you asked?

I wouldn't be happy with him going out all the time and not saying where he was going. That's what you do when you're single.

It kinda screams OW.

Or man....

can’t tell me a single famous woman he fancies

This makes you think he is gay?

Have you told him you're lonely and confused about it? Why not deal with the issue you're having, rather than take guesses at his issues?

You're not happy in your relationship, you're not having as much sex as you'd like, and you don't feel he wants you close, emotionally. Could you talk to him about those things, rather than making it about him? You're the one who isn't happy.

Could be asexual

Could be anything.

Nothing you say suggests he’s gay to me.

However, it does scream you’re unhappy in your marriage. Maybe you’ve concluded from his actions that he’s gay, and want to use this as a get-out clause.

Have you asked him why he doesn't want sex?

Yes, that's why I said 'could' 🙄

OP is asking for opinions, I gave a possible option. Keep up.

Trust your instinct. If you think he might be gay, he might be gay.

A t least one previous partner of mine was gay. I am certain of it. He’s now married with kids. Still pretty sure he is gay.

Whether he is gay or straight is almost irrelevant.

The issue is that your overall relationship lacks trust, decent communication and intimacy.

He could be cheating, he could be gay but really the crux of it is that you both seem unhappy in this relationship.

End it.

There must be something else OP that makes you think he's gay....the list you've given is pretty unremarkable and just because he doesn't fancy Nicole Kidman etc....doesn't mean he's gay.

I did the same. Keep up yourself.

I don't know.. the jury is still out on if my ex is gay....I never had sex with him in 4 years... He said he had ED. Who knows 🤔 I know one thing....these type of ppl will drain the life out of you.