Is my husband gay?

[Confused571]

So I’m really looking for anyone who’s in the same position as me.
I think my husband is gay.
does anyone have any advice on how to find out if he is (I have asked him already of course).
also if anyone has been in this situation what were the signs?
its pretty lonely as I have no one to talk to about it….
signs are -
lack of interest in sex with me and previous relationships

• emotional distance
• very secretive around computer - uses incognito etc
• can’t tell me a single famous woman he fancies

just altogether strange behaviour - often out late with no explanation, lots of male friends who have no partner and have never had a girlfriend since I’ve known them (years). There’s more but I can’t think of it now

That list says gay to me but it doesn't matter ypu aren't happy with him so it's time to move on.

Yer all fair comments. He’s from a background where being openly gay isn’t an option and he’s said as much. His parents wouldn’t be ok with it esp his dad. I’ve had many conversations about it and even seen counsellors and sex therapists with him. The sex therapist suggested low testosterone but he never got checked.
he has ed too but won’t go to doctors. Tbh his behaviour makes me feel he knows why he can’t sleep with me.

has anyone else experienced this? What signs were there if your husband was gay please?

Does it matter? Only you can decide if you are happy with the marriage you have.

What did the sex therapists think?

My ex used to comment on other men's appearances. He referred to a vet on the TV once as a handsome fucker 😂 it wasn't to excess and I still don't know if he's gay..just wondering if anyone else can relate or can straight men still act like this. Perhaps I was just picking up on things cos the possibility was already established in my mind..

I don't read gay from your posts but definitely a porn watcher.
Either way not wanting to have sex with you (no one HAS to have sex with someone they don't want to), doesn't mean he's not having sex in other ways.

Is this a deal breaker for you or are you staying in this marriage?

I asked my gay friend and he says just ask him does he like Barbara Streisand??

When you did used to have sex, was it one sided, ie was it all about him? I read somewhere it’s easier for a gay man to be married as sex is easier for them as they can visualise a different scenario. Seems common in Asian families where the pressure is on to marry and have kids.
Does he seem moody and when you watch tv does he notice men more than women. Only you can tell because there is no way he would admit it even if you caught him. If you needs are not met and especially if you have no kids leave and don’t get pregnant.

No you didn't. You were snarky at my post.

I don’t really want to stay with him but I can’t see a way out at the min. I guess I just wanted to chat with others who have been through this so it isn’t so lonely.
I can’t really discuss with any of our mutual friends :-/
we only went to the sex therapist once so there wasn’t much closure there either.

I guess I’d rather him figure it out if he is tbh. He could live a much happier and easier life I’m sure. He’s quite angry and bitter and says he feels trapped in our marriage but can never explain why.

Yes very robotic and he preferred to receive. Usually went to Ed when he was doing anything to me. Took ages to finish too like he was never really into it. Sorry tmi !

this is all from the start of the relationship btw not something that crept in.
feel silly writing this now as I know I should have left a long time ago. In other ways he is nice though. I always thought the sex situ would get better as he said it would many times.

My ex always said it would as well. It didn't @Confused571 ever excuse under the sun, needs a new mattress, too cold (he didn't have central heating tbf), forgot to get his ED pills, COVID, the cars too cramped... I have since done it between 30-40 times in the car with my new love 😍 sorry tmi. He lives with his folks so we can't be private there but it just goes to show...

Did you ever get any answers? It’s a horrible situation. I feel incredibly unattractive now but felt super confident when I met him.

😂😂😂😂

And yes the excuses are similarly lame - tummy ache, tired, we just don’t mention it anymore. It’s been months and I just gave up. Went from weeks to months to half years and beyond. Def got worse not better lol. So glad you met someone who appreciates you!

@Confused571 I never got answers no. We occasionally mix in the same circles still. One day I wonder if he will make some big announcement, although I do wonder if he is going to try and make it work with someone else by lying to someone and getting by on sex twice a year or something...

Oh yes I forgot, his bad leg that was another one 😂

Haha yes the excuses are just bizarre - wouldn’t it just be easier to say ‘I’m asexual’ or anything! The excuses just make it all the more awkward!
he will likely move on and repeat the pattern, seems to be what happened here. Until I knew he was like this with the woman before I was blaming myself.

Let's leave it there.

I use incognito on computer all the time saves you getting tracking cookies and adverts you don’t want
also computer bit shit does hold the history or cookie s so it doesn’t fill up space on pc seems to keep it running at reasonable speed

@Confused571 feel free to PM me, I have in the past suspected my DH may be gay but I don't feel like sharing the details widely on MN, happy to share in a PM with you though.

Same here @Confused571 @CrystalCoco

Couldn’t you suggest a 3som with someone who is bisexual so that you both benefit from it…. Just to get his reaction? It might give you the answer you need 🤷‍♀️

Lol wish I had done this.

Is it just being gay that is unacceptable for his family? Or is there generally an unhealthy attitude towards sexual behaviour, like it’s immoral or sinful etc? It may have led to all these issues around him having sex