He says not definite, but he feels a bit old to have another baby

[anotherdatingquestion]

I have entered into a very new relationship with a man who wants to find his life partner and settle down. I really like him. I haven't felt this way in over a decade. He has a son from a previous relationship and has said he hasn't made a definite decision about having another baby, but he feels he may be too old (he isn't). I want a baby. Shall I move on now?

How old are you both? how old is the son?

I would move on, yes.

Sounds like the same old line of 'I'm open to having a baby, sometime in the future', which really means, 'Nope, I don't ever want another kid, but you won't stick around unless I pretend I do !'

Yes, I’d move on.
How he feels is completely valid, it’s not your call you say “he isn’t” too old. If he’s 32 or 55 it makes no difference.

Absolutely this

When you say he’s not too old… how old is he?

Move on.
It gives you the chance of finding someone who is as into having a child as you are.
It gives him the chance of a relationship with someone who doesn't have a baby as a priority.

Yes, move on. Out of interest, how old is he? (I'm just being nosy- he's obviously allowed to consider himself too old at any age he likes.)

Sorry that should be more like - the chance of finding someone who doesn't have the idea of getting pregnant as a priority

Feeling too old is not a problem that goes away with time. The opposite, in fact. No one who feels too old for something at 35 then feels young enough for it at 40.

He may not have consciously made a definite decision yet but he's most of the way there and it's extremely unlikely to be in favour of another child.

he feels he may be too old (he isn't)

Also you don't get to decide that for him, and nor should you let yourself hope he'll make the decision you want just because you think his reasoning is wrong.

Depends on both your ages. Bit of your def want kids you need a deadline

Move on now as he's unlikely to change his mind & you'll have wasted years & your fertility on him.

This

Move on. Even if he decides on being a father again its doubtful you will be the mother. Hes stringing you along.

Move on. His reasons are completely valid. But so is your desire to have a baby. You're not compatible with this man and you can, and will, find someone who does want the same thing.

He’s late 30s. Has a teenager.

He went through fertility treatment with his last ex, she was infertile.

It’s very early days so I don’t feel comfortable even discussing this at length with him.

Late 30s with a teenager… I can see why he feels too old, he’d be in his 40s when you started trying so while it’s perfectly plausible for men who want to, he’s not wrong. If children are a must id say it’s better to break it off now, especially if you are close to his age.

If you want a child then yes, move on.

It's not up to you to decide he's not too old.

Tbh I'll have a 15 year old when I'm late 30s- and I think I'd also feel to old to restart at the baby stage so I do understand his feelings.

You need to decide if it's a deal breaker if he doesn't want a child

He'll be in his forties and starting again so he'll be emotionally and financially supporting into his sixties if you have a baby now. I think you need to move on if a baby is on on your agenda.

he feels he may be too old (he isn't).

You don’t get to decide this. He does. He already has one child, so he knows what being a parent is all about and if he doesn’t want to do it again, that doesn’t put him in the wrong. If you are sure you do want a child, and he is pretty sure he doesn’t, that is obviously a deal breaker.

Move on.

Infertility sucks and I suspect she just doesn’t want to go down the route of IVF etc… again just because of the stress coming with it. I can see why he would have cold feet tbh.

If he's the right person I'd stick it.