He says not definite, but he feels a bit old to have another baby

[anotherdatingquestion]

I have entered into a very new relationship with a man who wants to find his life partner and settle down. I really like him. I haven't felt this way in over a decade. He has a son from a previous relationship and has said he hasn't made a definite decision about having another baby, but he feels he may be too old (he isn't). I want a baby. Shall I move on now?

Well I think he needs to figure that out before dating.

You hardly know him, let alone his child or family so you don't know why he "feels too old to have another" and are in no position to judge .

He knows what it's like for him to be a parent; you don't.

How old are you ? And how long have you been seeing him ?

I think unfortunately if this is something that is important to you then you will have to deal with the discomfort of talking to him about it properly and at length. Otherwise you risk losing years on a relationship that isn’t going to give you what you want.

He’s probably had a vasectomy already but wants his leg over so won’t tell you straight away.

Do you have children already op?

Move on. If you want kids it's not worth getting involved with someone who doesn't know because in reality that means no.

Move on.

He doesn’t want more kids. Don’t waste your time

You say it's very early days.

I suggest you break it off and look for someone who shares your aims on the Big Stuff

He feels he may be too old (he isn't)

Take him at his word.

He was clear about wanting to find a life partner and settle down. If he wanted another baby he'd be clear about that too.

'He isn't' is just wishful thinking.

I can totally relate to you, my bf has a child didn't want another one but maybe open to it in the future. So after 2 years dating I approached the subject again, I layed my feelings on the table saying I cannot go through life without trying to become a mother. So long story short I am pregnant .
I think if he said no again after 2yrs dating I would have walked as I know I would have ended up resenting him.

Have a long hard think what's best for you, and do what's best for you.

I can relate to him..with a teenager, why the feck would be want a newborn as well?

Of course he is too old - let him be.

I’d probably have a few dates if I liked him, but make it clear that long term you’re looking for someone who wants children as it’s a deal breaker for you

He may also be thinking of his son and the impact on him. Just be careful that he isn't (even unwittingly) stringing you along

He doesn’t want another baby. If he did, he’d have said straight out that it was on his radar/agenda/something he hoped for/wanted, not that he feels he’s too old. He’s standing in plain sight - take him at his word.

You say the relationship is very new. Too soon to get a true picture of how he feels about children. Have you even said you love each other yet? Seems a shame to stop seeing him if you really like each other.

They've been together 5 minutes! Bit soon for stringing along!

It's up to him to decide if he's too old or not, not you, a woman he barely knows.

I'm 35 with a 13 year old. In my world, for me, I'm too old to have any more children. He may feel a similar way, and it's up to him.

How old are you?

So is the daughter from another partner or did they adopt? If adopted perhaps he doesn't want his daughter to feel "less than" a bio child. If it's from another partner, perhaps he understands the stress kids put on a marriage (one with child, failed; one trying, failed).

I misread the post and thought they had been dating a while. You are correct.

I mean, objectively the OP is right, he isn't too old in the sense that he is physically and physiologically able and many men start a family around that age.

But subjectively the last thing I'd want after raising my kids and getting my life back is to do it all over again.

He probably says he isn't sure because he may not have given it a lot of thought - but if he wanted more children I'm pretty sure he would know at that point.

So no I don't necessarily think he is a horrible person stringing you along, but I do think that he will not want anymore kids and this can only end in heartbreak for you.

Your respective ages notwithstanding you are at different stages in your lives.

This.

Unless this is week three and you've only just met his cat. 🙂

She does say VERY new. I'm not sure she's met his cat yet.

Well I think at the very least you would have to be open to the idea that he might not want children. That is what he is telling you, so listen.

If you are desperate for children, then there's a good chance you will be disappointed when he says no.