New boyfriend 5 months out all night at a party, no idea where or who with- AIBU to be annoyed?

[Sminky3]

New boyfriend of 5/6 months. We don’t live together obviously but he stays a lot.
he goes out a few times a month which I’ve no real problem with.
Last night he was out with friends, went back to a party and text to say he was gonna crash there. I’ve no idea where he is or who he’s with.
am I being unreasonable to expect a bit more info than this? Or is this just a mis match in communication/ expectations?
Never had this issue before in previous relationships but generally ex boyfriends they weren’t big drinkers/partiers.
we are late 30s

Well @NalaNana if you are both happy with the boundary of "you are not allowed to meet new people while I am not present to supervise", happy days to the pair of you!

@KettrickenSmiled when I'm out at a bar I don't entertain men I don't know, go back to their house for drinks and stay the night. Radical I know 😂 do what works for you and don't worry about me

So many cool wives on this forum 😂 never in communication with the person they choose to spend their life with apparently.

They’ve been dating for five months.

The comments on here are literally batshit. No wonder the OP isn't back!

It's just a sign of respect to let your partner know what is going on. Not a blow by blow account, just letting them know. Plus this is the beginning of the relationship so they should be in the honeymoon period where everything is nice.

I agree.

I don't know what it is with Mumsnet where they all play down relationships when people don't live together. Some people Marry and live apart. They're like the mrs buckets of the online world. They need to give it a rest

Until my daughter was born I often went back to party’s all night even after I was married ! Husband did too sometimes

we enjoy party’ and late nights

I just can’t do it now because We have to parent the next day !

i would text husband to say I’m safe it whatever but I wouldn’t feel I had to tell him exactly where I am

I treat my husband the way I expect him to treat me. If I do what OP’s boyfriend did and tell him I’m going out with friends and then, later on, message to let him know I’ll be staying over with a friend as it’s late - which I do fairly regularly - I know that’s good enough information for him.

I wasn’t aware that makes him a “cool husband” to be honest. It’s how most of the men I know behave towards their wives and partners. You know, treating them like trustworthy adults. It’s a quality I much prefer the men in my life to have.

@ComtesseDeSpair her boyfriend didn't stay at a friends house, he stayed at a randoms house that he met at a bar

judging by your hysterical blathering, the only nerves being hit here are yours. I’m perfectly content in my relationship and my life. Why do other people’s life choices upset you so much? There’s no one correct or superior way to live or have a relationship, providing everyone’s happy and consenting. No one’s forcing you to do it. Probably a radical concept for you, but have you ever considered just… accepting other people feel and think differently, and not seeing it as some kind of attack on your own ideologies?

It's just a sign of respect to let your partner know what is going on. Not a blow by blow account, just letting them know. Plus this is the beginning of the relationship so they should be in the honeymoon period where everything is nice.

He HAS let her know.
He let her know he was going to a part and he let her know he was sleeping there.

The OP herself has said it is a new boyfriend.
The OP has said they don't live together.

It has nothing to do with being "cool wives" as a pp said. This is a new relationship and they are two individuals going out with each other. Neither of them needs to give the other a blow by blow account of where they are during the evenings they aren't spending together.

A few times a month...do you want someone who goes out and parties that often?
I say that because obviously if you aren't doing the same it sounds like your not compatible.
I personally couldn't be bothered with it. But I'm old and boring.
Yes, it would bother me if he was staying out all night till the wee hours several times a month and not knowing where he is but at five months in you can't really quiz him or have a go about it.
He just doesn't seem like the type to want a serious relationship. I think you could do better than someone who's not available most of the month.

They've spent a few month together, & he communicated just fine.
OP knew he was going out with friends, he texted her to say it was continuing to a party, & that he was going to crash there.

All on a night when they were not scheduled to see each other.
And between 2 people who do not even live together.

So?

Why do you think a g/f of 5 months should have any input to that?

When he's already agreed with her that he's out that night, & has taken the trouble to text her about the party & staying over, even though it doesn't affect her at all?

Are you a man?

If not - totally different situation.

I'm on The fence with this one, everyone is different and unless you talk to him about how it made you feel he won't know.

He was in contact and told you he was staying out. But you needed more information and that's ok. But what did you need to know any why is important.

You being uneasy or anxious isn't ok . Hope you working out or move on z

T*edMullins

judging by your hysterical blathering, the only nerves being hit here are yours. I’m perfectly content in my relationship and my life. Why do other people’s life choices upset you so much? There’s no one correct or superior way to live or have a relationship, providing everyone’s happy and consenting. No one’s forcing you to do it. Probably a radical concept for you, but have you ever considered just… accepting other people feel and think differently, and not seeing it as some kind of attack on your own ideologies?
*
That's an interesting diatribe when it was you that felt the need to introduce you fabulous lifestyle choice into this thread by intimating your 'open relationship' is a comparable to the OPs situation.

An 'Open relationship' isn't a relationship. It's people who shag others who also meet up to shag each other. It's not that I don't accept your life style. You fill your boots. No judgment from me about how many people you want to sleep with. Just don't pretend it's a relationship where one person has enough invested in the other to care what they do.

Which is what this thread was about. If you are so cool as to not give a shit about your 'partner' is out shagging others in a Saturday night. Then that is really sad. How little respect he has for you and vice versa .

There you go again with your vitriol and judgement. In fact it was YOU who introduced your superior lifestyle to us all on this post with a judgemental description of your own daughter’s relationship and how she’s doing it all wrong and it was so much better in your day. I shouldn’t have bothered to respond. but how you feel about relationships are your OPINION. It isn’t fact. Neither are your baseless assumptions about people who practice polyamory. You’re just making yourself sound deeply unpleasant and narrow minded here.

This is way too intense for 5-6 months in. If you lived together and expected him home at a certain time, yes. If you shared a child and you needed to know when he would be back to take over parenting duties, yes.

I've been married a long time now, but thinking back to when dh and I were dating, I can't imagine having expected him to update me on where he was staying and who he was with. We both went out all the time (we were long distance, different countries, for several years early in our relationship). Obviously, I wouldn't have been happy if he was out hooking up with anyone (but I trusted him that he wouldn't be), but he's an adult and I expected him to make sensible decisions for himself without me needing to monitor him. Even now, we both go away for weekends or nights out. I mean I would assume that dh is staying with his friends, but I wouldn't expect to hear when he gets home or a play by play of what he's doing while he's there. It's just good to hear from him in the morning so I know he's still alive! I trust him to not be an idiot.

Oh stop it! She's been with him 5 MONTHS!

same