How do you stop being jealous when he has a night out...

[crikeybiller]

DP of 3 years is out with mates tonight on a mates birthday night.
We don't live together, we're both divorced but see each other more or less every day and all weekend. I haven't seen him since Wed due to work stuff and I would have gone there tonight but he's going out.
The issue I have is I will feel panicky, anxious and jealous all bloody night long.
I was married 20 years and I NEVER felt like this ever, I couldn't have cared less , enjoyed the time alone and wanted him to go out more !
This feeling is so alien to me. I'ts eating me up. Im convinced he will be chatted up, or meet someone else or cheat. It's ridiculous.
Im doing all the right things, I'm going out with my own friends tonight but I know I'll be worrying. We track each other on life360 as we live apart and I often work late so I know I'll jeep looking it.
Plus I know an attractive colleague of his will also be there.
Aghhhhb.
My Eldest adult dd thinks I'm ma's and keeps reminding me he's 55, grey and a little overweight, whereas I'm 47 , slim and I think I'm pretty attractive so he's the one that should be worried lol.
How can I stop this? It's literally making me feel sick !!!

Stop tracking him. It's not healthy, it reinforces all those ' where are they, what are they doing ' thought processes. If you exercise them too much they can become compulsive and lead to the anxious feelings you're describing.

We track each other on life360 as we live apart and I often work late so I know I'll jeep looking it

Which is probably reinforcing your worry. Why is he there? what's he doing there? where's he going next? why has he stayed there this long? I know it's easy to say but stop looking at it - or stop looking at it so much.

Slightly baffled why adults need to track each other so much, but that's just me.

I know you're right, it's becoming obsessive. I feel miserable. I've just watched him drive to his home town and he stopped somewhere, I'm instantly paranoid, why is he stopping ? Is he picking someone up....
I physically can't stop

Sotp tracking him. Its not normal.

Try to get to the route of why you feel so insecure

I think you need some professional help. That isn't normal healthy behaviour.

We track each other on life360

Insane.

This relationship doesn’t sound at all healthy.

Why are you tracking him - horrible!

I think if he was gonna cheat he's would t agree to the tracking app!
Relax have some fun with your mates and look forward to seeing each other when he's back - let him miss you

Silly question but do you guys really need the tracking app??
Could you try removing/deactivating it and just agree to check in with a text if youre working late/when out setting off for home?

It really cant be healthy and the chances of it being needed for actual emergencies are surely slim to none? Just while you get the obsessiveness under control?

We track each other on life360

This seems unhealthy.

Op, unless he's given you reason to think he's unfaithful/a candidate for being unfaithful, unless your instincts/Spidey senses are going off about him for a good reason ..... Maybe you need some counselling.

I had a relationship with a man like this (you) .. though he actually said things/criticised/complained and tried to stop separate socialising..... And it destroyed the relationship. There were other issues not it was a major one.

*but it was a major one

That's he wants you to think, chances are the stop off was to give the phone of his to a mate who he knows is going to be in the pub knowing that the OP will check it and will just think her DP is in the pub. Mean while he's off meeting another woman using his burner phone.

This is definitely definitely what is happening.

I'm interested in why you never felt this with a previous partner but do now???

Is there something in your current partners past or behaviour which is feeding your jealousy?

Because each time you get a reinforcement of the insecurity you're feeling. THAT'S what you need to tackle.

You need to address the underlying issues. Or end the relationship if you genuinely don't trust him I couldn't live like this

You need to get rid of the app. It's a handy tool, we use it to time the tea or to see if I have time for another beer when being picked up. You are using it in an unhealthy way. You're going to drive yourself nuts.

Yes definitely lose the tracking app. I'm surprised he agreed to it tbh. No way would I let a partner track my phone. It's controlling and tbh, pretty weird

Like PP said, I think first you need to stop the tracking. You need to learn to feel comfortable without knowing about his whereabouts 24/7, and the tracking isn’t helpful for this

Soz OP but you sound bonkers 😝

Tracking each other is not healthy.

"My Eldest adult dd thinks I'm ma's and keeps reminding me he's 55, grey and a little overweight, whereas I'm 47 , slim and I think I'm pretty attractive so he's the one that should be worried lol."

Nobody should be "worried" - what on earth is wrong with you? Whether you think you are objectively better looking or not means nothing at all! You sound desperately insecure and need to get to the bottom of it asap. Tracking a grown man or woman who is out for a night out is frankly, controlling and sick behaviour. It's incredible he agreed to it - he needs to get a spine.

Honestly, you need to delete the app and get yourself some therapy. Nothing else is going to help at this stage.

I've lived with DH for 15 years now without ever feeling the need to deploy a tracking app on him.

What an unpleasant thing for “your daughter” to say.

This is mad
why do you think he'll be cheating? Life is literally too short to live like this. Delete the tracking app and if you can't stop fixating you need to get some therapy urgently.

We track each other on life360 as we live apart and I often work late

there is no logic to this. Why does living apart and working late necessitate a tracking app?

No way would I have my phone tracked. That is really really odd.