How do you stop being jealous when he has a night out...

[crikeybiller]

DP of 3 years is out with mates tonight on a mates birthday night.
We don't live together, we're both divorced but see each other more or less every day and all weekend. I haven't seen him since Wed due to work stuff and I would have gone there tonight but he's going out.
The issue I have is I will feel panicky, anxious and jealous all bloody night long.
I was married 20 years and I NEVER felt like this ever, I couldn't have cared less , enjoyed the time alone and wanted him to go out more !
This feeling is so alien to me. I'ts eating me up. Im convinced he will be chatted up, or meet someone else or cheat. It's ridiculous.
Im doing all the right things, I'm going out with my own friends tonight but I know I'll be worrying. We track each other on life360 as we live apart and I often work late so I know I'll jeep looking it.
Plus I know an attractive colleague of his will also be there.
Aghhhhb.
My Eldest adult dd thinks I'm ma's and keeps reminding me he's 55, grey and a little overweight, whereas I'm 47 , slim and I think I'm pretty attractive so he's the one that should be worried lol.
How can I stop this? It's literally making me feel sick !!!

I would not give it a second thought. Seriously. Would enjoy the evening to myself.

I'm delighted if DH has a night out. Peace and quiet for me. DC in bed. Glass of wine and crisps. Watch a film on my ipad tucked up in bed with the cats.

It's called privacy.

I'm with my husband 40 and neither he nor I would accept this.

Nor do we have passwords to each other's phones.

It sounds like you were unhappy in an your previous relationship, but in this you're happy to do far ... So maybe you're more of scared of it not working out.

Also it's a big thing to end a serious LTR and sometimes people put themselves under tremendous pressure for the next relationship to work out... So that it was "worth it", or it somehow proves that you're not the problem, you ex was, or so that you have relationship success after "failure".

Those might be factors.

Also your ex was controlling so maybe you got used to that, even th

... though dysfunctional as a norm .. and thinking it showed he was invested and "cared" so maybe this not controlling relationship makes you feel insecure. It's not well adjusted or healthy but maybe the lack of. Control and possessiveness actually has you a bit adrift.

Aside from you that you've described a partner who fucked up his first major serious relationship by cheating.

And a partner who is flirtatious and chatty.

I don't think absolutely everyone would be all chilled and stoical and confident with him, some ppl would be put off.

Maybe those things have got in your head and you don't entirely trust him.

That could be seen as reasonable or unreasonable, entirely depending on ones approach.

If anyone tracked me on an app I'd be gone.

Tracking is really odd and unhealthy - you aren’t 13. Stop it. And telll him to stop it.

Other than that go and see a therapist. I am guessing you are anxious about being alone again for whatever reason and you need to work through that.

he's quite chatty and flirty when he goes out

What sort of thing @crikeybiller ? I wouldn't want a partner to be flirty with others at all. It's inappropriate to me. Someone can chat to others without being flirty.

Menopause anxiety is very real but often over looked, is this a possibility?

"He told me he messed up his first ever relationship in his early 20s by having a one night stand and he's quite chatty and flirty when he goes out, but that's it really."

This, combined with the fact that you have low self-esteem due to an abusive previous relationship, makes your anxious feelings completely understandable. I second the PP who advised you to get some counselling, and agree with everyone about both of you ditching the tracking app.

I'm in peri, have been for 5 years. It has caused insane anxiety and depression. I went on HRT in Feb and although it's taken a while, I feel so much better and more confident in myself. I wish I had taken HRT earlier.
Are You taking anything to help?

If you do actually want to stop this behaviour then you should delete the tracking app now. Checking up on him is just feeding your irrational worries.