How do you stop being jealous when he has a night out...

[crikeybiller]

DP of 3 years is out with mates tonight on a mates birthday night.
We don't live together, we're both divorced but see each other more or less every day and all weekend. I haven't seen him since Wed due to work stuff and I would have gone there tonight but he's going out.
The issue I have is I will feel panicky, anxious and jealous all bloody night long.
I was married 20 years and I NEVER felt like this ever, I couldn't have cared less , enjoyed the time alone and wanted him to go out more !
This feeling is so alien to me. I'ts eating me up. Im convinced he will be chatted up, or meet someone else or cheat. It's ridiculous.
Im doing all the right things, I'm going out with my own friends tonight but I know I'll be worrying. We track each other on life360 as we live apart and I often work late so I know I'll jeep looking it.
Plus I know an attractive colleague of his will also be there.
Aghhhhb.
My Eldest adult dd thinks I'm ma's and keeps reminding me he's 55, grey and a little overweight, whereas I'm 47 , slim and I think I'm pretty attractive so he's the one that should be worried lol.
How can I stop this? It's literally making me feel sick !!!

Most helpful reply! Wish more people were like this on here. There’s literally no need to kick someone when they’re down, unless you’re looking for an ego boost 🙄

Agree.

Why are so many people being so melodramatic about the tracking app? My whole household uses it. It’s great for checking on peoples whereabouts for safety and handy to use for lots of other reasons.
chill!

Because she’s tracking him driving home from work and panicking that he’s picking another woman up when he slows down on the app? Come on, you can’t possibly think that’s healthy?

@Chailatteplease

Why do you need to check on people's where abouts for safety?

Wondering this myself.

I'd rather take my chances out there than be tracked like a carrier pigeon.

Lord, how does any human survive without other people tracking their whereabouts at all times "for safety"?

At best, it's a false sense of security. If someone actually gets into, say, a car crash or a fight or something, they'll get help from the people actually there and the emergency services way before you spot something on the app. And once you've started obsessively tracking someone's whereabouts, that's a big fat downside for basically nil upside.

You wouldn't feel like this if he hadn't given you a reason to worry. Trust your gut

I have tracking app… i don’t care who can see where I am. But if I’m worried about something then the tracking app becomes an issue. It’s not the app it’s me. You also know it’s a you issue, which is good op.

you are jealous because you care and you are scared to loose him. But you have had a bad relationship and survived so whatever happens you will be fine.

turn the app off, the usefulness isn’t working right now. If he’s going to cheat he will and there’s nothing you could ever do about that, the app won’t change that.

so go with your gut. Do you think he’s a good man? Is he giving you any reason to distrust him? Does he behave well with you in general? The app doesn’t tell you this, so trust institutions not an app.

you will be fine op, it’s just a moment and you already know this!

Bloody autocorrect… institution’s 🙈 intuition!

@whattodo1975 oops sorry!

You track each other? That’s not healthy, it’s weird. It doesn’t sound like a relationship, it sounds like a mutual hostage situation. None of this is doing either of you any good.

It doesn't sound like the app is helping, regardless of how you feel about tracking a partner or being tracked.

Overweight, slim, grey, young, attractive or not, neither of you should be spending your time when the other is out of sight actively worrying about whether they're with someone else.

Unless you have info that leads you to believe there's something going on, you need to trust that it isn't, this is relationship basics.

And if your partner were to meet someone on a night out, worrying yourself sick about it is going to do absolutely nothing to stop it, and is probabaly going to be detrimental to your relationship in the long term and potentially make it more likely.

Get some help in real life with this fixation, and your anxiety, whether it's perimenopause related or not.

How do you know he's chatty and flirty when he's out OP?

I know someone who others use an app to spy on and she lets them willingly- she follows some of them too. Seems a bit odd to me. I don't think the app is doing you good OP.

He told me he messed up his first ever relationship in his early 20s by having a one night stand and he's quite chatty and flirty when he goes out,

That would partly explain it then.

How do you know he's chatty and flirty when he's out OP?

What Birder said @crikeybiller . Has he done it in front of you in the past? That's pretty bad.

Go to therapy.

What has sparked this? Have you reason not to trust him? Normally there is something behind this making you feel insecure.

Tell me nothing traumatic has ever happened to you or your family, without telling me 🙄

I agree with @Chailatteplease , I’m really surprised at how up in arms people are over the app itself. I’ve got it with my DH, he travels 1.5 hr commute once a week, so rather than ringing him and distracting him on his way home, I just check the app. Helps me know if he’s gonna be back for kids bedtime or not.
How on earth does that equal divorce proceedings?!! 🙄
There are many logical and reasonable explanations for having this type of app, I don’t know why people are making such a big deal about the app itself, however -
the clear problem here is the overuse of it, and addressing the reasons behind this.

@Chailatteplease

If something traumatic is going to happen it will happen whether you track them or not.

Absolute rubbish. A very close family member died in a car accident. We knew pretty quickly as a police officer turned up at the door. Having a tracking app wouldn’t have changed anything.

Being jealous is not a choice, the op is not choosing to be jealous it is a deep seated thing.

Some people don't feel jealousy because of whatever reason and it seems on here that those non jealous types can't fathom that others may feel differently.

It's like me criticising someone for having anxiety because I've never felt like that.

WeThreeKingsofOrientAre gave some very good advice I would give this some thought op.

And although I don't think there is anything wrong with tracking your partner (each to their own) I don't think this is good for you. You need to switch it off when he is out and distract yourself. Try not to think about him at all, it is fueling your jealousy.

I think the most important thing is that jealousy does not become controlling or destructive. It can be a very negative emotion. It is ok to feel jealous but remember it is your issue. It's nothing to do with your partner's behaviour (in normal circumstances)

Your jealousy is stemming from an underlying insecurity, maybe from childhood or from another relationship. If you can process this insecurity it will help you to not feel so jealous.

Tell me nothing traumatic has ever happened to you or your family, without telling me 🙄

A good few and a tracking app would have made zero difference. OP isn't talking about being worroed about her OH having an accident, she's following him as if she's glued to his heels and then getting worried about what he's up to.

Agreed. Stop tracking him, and stop him tracking you.

Agree with this. The traumatic things that have happened to me wouldnt have been changed by a tracking app.