Page 2 | Middle aged men and their fetishes

whatswiththesefetishes · 2022-11-15T16:16:30+00:00

So, I've been divorced for a number of years and have been on numerous dates. What I've noticed is that many men who have hit their 50's and are were in long marriages/relationships seem to be very open about their fetishes. I'm wondering if they have got to a certain age whereby, they feel they no longer want to suppress these feelings? I'm met the following: A man with a foot fetish A man with a wee fetish A man who likes cross dressing A man how likes 'Daddydom' (I had to look that one up!) A man who is obsessed by writing erotica ... and a lastly.... and man who wanted to be a wizard!!! Is it wrong to just want someone who likes changing the oil on his car or who is happy to do the weekly shop?!!!!!

Bestcatmum · 16/11/2022 07:03

I expect one of them is my ex H. Divorced him because he insisted on wearing rubber all the time and wanted to go swinging.
Yuck. That certainly isn't my life plan.
Someone else is welcome to him.

RambamThankyouMam · 16/11/2022 07:05

98% of men are grim.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 16/11/2022 07:12

Hertsessex · 16/11/2022 01:12

I think you will find there are plenty of ladies with interests in all those things. Many of them probably married and suppressing it.

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You keep telling yourself that...

showersandsun · 16/11/2022 07:13

Hertsessex · 16/11/2022 01:12

I think you will find there are plenty of ladies with interests in all those things. Many of them probably married and suppressing it.

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Yep. Shock horror, women have fetishes too.

Wouldn't you rather know OP, rather than meet someone and they tell you 6 months in that they have a fetish you are uncomfortable with?

Rinatinabina · 16/11/2022 07:24

Melsuleenia · 16/11/2022 06:33

This is a very funny thread. All people have fetishes. All of us do. The most common kink fetish is actually female feet (Also called The Gateway Drug). Lord knows why! Another big one is tying a female up. Lets throw in nipple clamps, forced orgasm,. Denying orgasm is another. On bondage, well there is the 'hog tie' of course.

My fetish is pouring neat Vimto over my lady garden and making a man lick it up. (JOKE! I would not care to waste the nectar of the Gods on such a frivolous activity! Imagine the mess!)

Kink, fetishes, are cool. Can be lots of fun IF we practise Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) AND Safe Sane Consensual (SSC).

Of course, all of this hinges on Positive Informed Consent.

Believe me, in my time, i have heard of things that would make the pearl, clutching frothing berserkers of MN want to retreat to their blanket fort.

Oh and my the way. Ignore OLD. Full of cranks, weirdos and people with personality disorders. Try meeting people who share with you a common hobby. (NIOT KINK!)

No we don’t. Fetishes are more common in males.

daretodenim · 16/11/2022 07:28

Melsuleenia · 16/11/2022 06:33

This is a very funny thread. All people have fetishes. All of us do. The most common kink fetish is actually female feet (Also called The Gateway Drug). Lord knows why! Another big one is tying a female up. Lets throw in nipple clamps, forced orgasm,. Denying orgasm is another. On bondage, well there is the 'hog tie' of course.

My fetish is pouring neat Vimto over my lady garden and making a man lick it up. (JOKE! I would not care to waste the nectar of the Gods on such a frivolous activity! Imagine the mess!)

Kink, fetishes, are cool. Can be lots of fun IF we practise Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) AND Safe Sane Consensual (SSC).

Of course, all of this hinges on Positive Informed Consent.

Believe me, in my time, i have heard of things that would make the pearl, clutching frothing berserkers of MN want to retreat to their blanket fort.

Oh and my the way. Ignore OLD. Full of cranks, weirdos and people with personality disorders. Try meeting people who share with you a common hobby. (NIOT KINK!)

While everybody may have a kink (or would, but haven't discovered it yet?), fetishes are to a quite different degree, and are overwhelmingly clustered in men.

As I understand it, a kink is something you enjoy and want, but can have enjoyable sex and get turned on without.

A fetish is far stronger and drives the majority of the individual's sexual behaviour. Hence ultimately leading to marriage breakup either because partner gets fed up, or the fetishist feels unable to share it and it becomes too much of a burden. After divorce, they're free to be their "authentic selves".

PermanentTemporary · 16/11/2022 07:38

@Melsuleenia what a mess of a post. I'd say that if there's a common straight female 'body part' focus it would be male forearms, wrists and hands, not women's feet. You don't see it much in porn because although there are female porn users, they don't drive the market. I'm not a lesbian but I do wonder about women's hair - my female friends with female partners tend to have hair things going on.

Not really a fetish, in that it doesn't override everything else or require the abuse of said body part for their satisfaction. That seems to be the difference.

Keroppi · 16/11/2022 07:44

Feel like I've seen this thread before not that long ago?

Hertsessex · 16/11/2022 08:30

Optimummum · 16/11/2022 05:59

What makes you think that ?
are you a man or a woman ?

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I need to plead the 5th amendment on a public forum but some relevant experience of some of such things :)

Optimummum · 16/11/2022 08:40

Hertsessex · 16/11/2022 08:30

I need to plead the 5th amendment on a public forum but some relevant experience of some of such things :)

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The fifth on if you’re a man or a woman too ? Hmmm a man then for sure

Optimummum · 16/11/2022 08:41

Hertsessex · 16/11/2022 08:30

I need to plead the 5th amendment on a public forum but some relevant experience of some of such things :)

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Plus I have experience in these things too and many more men have issues with fetishes and porn addiction

RudsyFarmer · 16/11/2022 08:42

The men you describe as normal are probably still in their long term relationships and not trawling OLD sites for people to share their fantasies with.

Hertsessex · 16/11/2022 08:43

Optimummum · 16/11/2022 08:40

The fifth on if you’re a man or a woman too ? Hmmm a man then for sure

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Yes a man and been here a long time and even met some mums here in person through some other shared interests (not those ones :)) Not sure that matters hugely but my original point stands. If you are genuinely interested happy to discuss privately.

Naunet · 16/11/2022 08:44

Melsuleenia · 16/11/2022 06:33

This is a very funny thread. All people have fetishes. All of us do. The most common kink fetish is actually female feet (Also called The Gateway Drug). Lord knows why! Another big one is tying a female up. Lets throw in nipple clamps, forced orgasm,. Denying orgasm is another. On bondage, well there is the 'hog tie' of course.

My fetish is pouring neat Vimto over my lady garden and making a man lick it up. (JOKE! I would not care to waste the nectar of the Gods on such a frivolous activity! Imagine the mess!)

Kink, fetishes, are cool. Can be lots of fun IF we practise Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) AND Safe Sane Consensual (SSC).

Of course, all of this hinges on Positive Informed Consent.

Believe me, in my time, i have heard of things that would make the pearl, clutching frothing berserkers of MN want to retreat to their blanket fort.

Oh and my the way. Ignore OLD. Full of cranks, weirdos and people with personality disorders. Try meeting people who share with you a common hobby. (NIOT KINK!)

I don’t think you understand what an actual fetish is, because no, not everyone does have them. For example, an ex of mine had a fetish for latex, that meant he was more turned on by latex than who was wearing it, he could only orgasm if latex was involved. That’s a fetish, not fun and cute, but soul destroying obsessive.

It’s also cute that after claiming everyone has a fetish, you rule out MN users because what, they’re mums and mums don’t have a sexuality of their own? Very judgemental of you.

love
Mumsnet user/Ex Fetish model.

Herejustforthisone · 16/11/2022 09:38

Oh my god, imagine if he wanted you to roleplay being Hagrid, coming to find him and telling him he’s a wizard.

Or he wanted you to pretend to be the Sorting Hat to tell him which house he was in.

😬

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/11/2022 09:41

Sort of explains why they’re on OLD.

NowtSalamander · 16/11/2022 09:45

People who try to pretend that paraphilias are as prevalent in women as men (aka either men, or Cool Girls, as seen in this thread already) apparently can access all sorts of online porn but not a simple Wikipedia article.

Optimummum · 16/11/2022 10:16

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Optimummum · 16/11/2022 10:18

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Optimummum · 16/11/2022 10:24

Hertsessex · 16/11/2022 08:43

Yes a man and been here a long time and even met some mums here in person through some other shared interests (not those ones :)) Not sure that matters hugely but my original point stands. If you are genuinely interested happy to discuss privately.

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Lol that’s ok thanks anyway

just curious though… your post on page one said ‘plenty of ladies with interests in all those things. Many of them probably married and suppressing it.’

if you know PLENTY of ladies who have interest in these things how come you are unsure whether they are married

You claim to know plenty these women who are interested in these fetishes but you don’t know if they are married and suppressing it 😂

how very strange

Hertsessex · 16/11/2022 10:28

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 16/11/2022 07:12

You keep telling yourself that...

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Well it's a fact. It's not a pissing contest as to whether men or women are more kinky/more likely to have fetishes but certainly large number of ladies do as well as men. As for the married bit....well lots and lots of married ladies up to all kinds of things without husbands knowing. Again not a pissing contest men vs women but it's not just men.

unknown10 · 16/11/2022 10:29

Op, all of those fetishes sound very, very tame

You must have led a very sheltered life to be getting worked up about this

EBearhug · 16/11/2022 11:24

Doesn't really matter if they are tame or not. If the OP isn't interested in them, she doesn't have to speak to the men who are.

LizzieSiddal · 16/11/2022 11:27

I’m so glad my 58 year old dh is just obsessed with his guitars. He does talk to them occasionally which can be rather alarming but that’s about it.

IheartJKRowling · 16/11/2022 11:28

I'm a woman in her 50's and some of the things I enjoy and indulge in would have MN's fainting away rather than clutching their pearls 🙄

I have a list of things I want and expect a partner to share with me sexually, call it a fetish or call it a kink, I was always upfront when OLD because I didn't want to waste anyone's time, especially my own. I would much rather men told me what they were into sooner rather than later. I wasted four months seeing a men who was reticent to discuss what he liked and when he did tell me we were totally incompatible.

I wouldn't send a first message OLD saying "hey, are you into X, Y and Z" but I would do it before we met. My sex life hasn't been influenced or directed by porn, MN is obsessed by porn, everything is the fault of porn, I'm surprised they aren't blaming the economic meltdown and global warming on porn. Some women and some men enjoy kink/fetish, if you're not one of them just ignore the message or simply say that's not for me or you could always try and shame and ridicule the men on an anonymous website for a laugh.