I've lost a lot of friendships this year

[SkylarkSusie]

Just that really.

This was the year I decided to not chase people who I was always making the running for to maintain friendships, also anyone where I felt there was toxicity, basically it was the year I let go.

I feel lighter at the end of the year but I do feel strange.

Anyone else in this position?

I dont blame covid I think people just dont put effort in now in arranging things

Do you think it's because people got used to having less of a social life during the pandemic Mary46?

Perhaps skylark. Def noticed it in a few friends slow to commit to things so like the op, said right no more chasing these people

I have shed 3 friendships this year and feel a lot better for it. I wasn't enjoying them anymore, l felt l have outgrown them. Nothing to do with covid, my life carried on as normal. l don't t regret it, most friendships have an expiry date.

I am so glad to see this post today as I have been ruminating on how lonely I feel today and just feeling I am a worthless person who cannot make friends. But I think my narcissistic family left me expecting poor treatment from others, and that I am a second class citizen. Your posts give me hope that I dont have to continue like this and that things will get better.

SpentDandelion yes you are probably right, most will have an expiry date. The trick is to keep moving and trying new things and meeting new people, which will take a bit of effort as I am working from home now. But will try some clubs next year. I do feel freer now some of my friendships have drifte, maybe they had gone stale but you do get attached to people...

Yes me.

I've had one friendship go mad at me for distancing myself, and that just confirmed to me that I have made the right choice.

Am I sat in bed on my todd at 6pm on a Friday night?
Yes, but I feel so much better not having to people please anymore.
It's so freeing, I've found I'm now attracting the right people now I'm in a better mindset without those one way friendships dragging down my mental health.

I just miss mine. I’ve stopped chasing. One person l was very close to. Heard from her less and less and now nothing.

Not sure how it’s come to this.🤷🏼‍♀️. I don’t feel freer or unburdened. I just feel lonely and miss her. It wasn’t toxic.

Arsein yes I feel like this about one in particular, it has taken really a couple of years to accept that what I thought was a very deep friendship is over. We shared so much about ourselves, it has been hard to accept she can easily move on and can live without our friendship. Took a while to get over that one but I'm finally there I think. Feel a bit burned by it though.

I've done this many times. We grow and change, and at some point realize that friendships no longer fit us. However, I realized recently that a good old friend has evaded me consistently for some time. Weird when the boot is on the other foot! But natural.

Yes I think I outgrew some of them. I met few more via my walking group. But a pattern of friends cancelling Im thinking dont need this crap going forward!

Me too. I've spring-cleaned my friendship group. The narcs are out, the gossips are out & the can't-be-bothereds are out too. I want quality over quantity.

Zrt sounds as those lots of us are in the same place post pandemic. Reading other posts on this thread has reminded me how natural it is to shed a skin and change and move on and that it is nothing to fear. Thanks everyone.

I think I haven't been making new friends really over the past 3 to 4 years so haven't had new to replace old, that is something I'm going to work on. At least by joining a couple of clubs I will feel more sociable which will be a step towards meeting new people. I need to have more fun again.

I've done this, the past few years, I've found the few friendships I've got left, are the good ones, the people who really care about me and I enjoy spending time with. My dh used to say I 'collected friends' and he's right, but it meant I was always the one chasing and making plans.

I think a lit is to do with FOMO, or at least it was for me. I did a hobby for years which meant I had a lot of 'mates' through the hobby. I stopped enjoying it, but continued doing it for a few years because I didn't want to 'miss out'. I stopped doing it early last year, and it's meant I've lost contact with a lot of people, but I've surprised myself and I'm so much happier, im not even bothered about seeing their updates on fb

Following.

Why were you friends with all
these terrible people in the first place?

I honestly don't recognise this. I love all my friends. If someone is mean, annoying, selfish or boring then I wouldn't get into being their friend to begin with.

Me 🙋🏻‍♀️ in fact I went a step further a couple of times, had a bit of a go and then blocked 🤭 had to be done.

Yes I wondered this. I think maybe they weren't really good friends more acquaintances maybe? I'm not sure I'd say I have life long friends but some I don't see or talk to for months on end. But it's nice to catch up when we do. Do some friends talk all the time? I don't think I have had a friend that lives in my pocket ever? Maybe people tire of each other more that way and that's why it has an expiration date.

My daughter started secondary school this year at a separate school from most of her primary school friends.
I realised just how much the friendships of her primary friends parents were false. We were practically dumped overnight. I felt sad and used mainly for her, but one of the mums I used to meet a couple of times a week, and I'd supported through a lot.
People can be very odd, I felt I had a huge social circle in my area and now it's dwindled to nothing

CantSleep good question but for me the friendships were longer term ones where I was doing the running or there was a toxic or unbalanced element to them. Also i came off social media completely in December 2021. So this year I wanted to see which friendships could prevail without any SM contact and the answer was not very many of them!! They were friendships that had turned stale tbh, in retrospect which I think I knew subconsciously which is why I stopped contacting.

Yes I feel like this also. Although I moved away, but then so did quite a few others and I visited them all.

I have been putting so much effort into friendships over the years, I really value long term friendships but now feel a little used. I don’t even mind if we don’t visit each other, but send little texts, emails and the odd call, but even that has been one way mostly.

I do feel a bit bereft, you just can’t replace long term friendships. I can make friends fairly easily and like my own company, but feel sad that these rich friendships are now only open to me if I tag along in their lives, keeping relatively quiet about mine. I do think it is a small bit to do with I have a child with fairly high additional needs, and many of my friends do too but if we are honest my experience dwarfs theirs, and sometimes I think the brutal reality of my life (even though I am very positive on the whole and my kids are great) - just makes them really uncomfortable.