Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dp and me, advice needed please .

83 replies

Energyvampirelove · 05/11/2022 16:49

I am sorry this is a long one . I was a single parent who works and have always had my own money . My dad has lived with me for the last 6 years . I split up with my ex and after a few years I met my dp who was on the fringe of my social circle . He split up with he’s partner and became a single dad . He has he’s dd Tuesday and Wednesday nights and Friday till Sunday night . We dated for a long time then introduced children then after time we decided to move into together . He moved into my home and I have never been happier . He’s dd has been very hard work and her mum cannot control her behaviour . She screams constantly , takes over the house , my room all this is fair enough . My dp works full time at a good job I think about 45 k a year and an air bnb he rents out that he averages 3k a month for . He said he will contribute 500 to my rent and hasn’t never given anything else for utilities . He will go to the shop if I need something or do a big shop now and again . My dad feels I’m being taken for a mug , he has just had an offer accepted for another house that he is turning into an air bnb and my dad feels that everyone would be able to do this if they only had to contribute 500 a month to there loving situation . Dad says that he can leave me whenever and he has built himself up whilst I am paying everything . Also I work mornings at times and dad has got the children ready for school whilst dp has laid in bed and dad said how can a partner /stepdad not help ? Just need advice thank you .

OP posts:
ellsbells5 · 05/11/2022 16:52

So is he the sole cared of his DD, he has her 5 days and her mum only has her 2 days?

ellsbells5 · 05/11/2022 16:52

ellsbells5 · 05/11/2022 16:52

So is he the sole cared of his DD, he has her 5 days and her mum only has her 2 days?

Main carer*

PaleGreenFrontDoor · 05/11/2022 16:52

Your dad is absolutely correct. You are being taken for a mug.

Xenapo · 05/11/2022 16:54

Your dad is right. So he's got 2 air bnbs in his name and making thousands each month but only gives you 500? I'm guessing that's less than half of your household expenses too

Energyvampirelove · 05/11/2022 16:57

i collect dsd on Tuesday after school , my dad drops her a school with my children on Wednesday , dp collects Wednesday and drops her back thursday morning . I collect dsd Friday after school and dp drops back to her mum on Sunday evening . He went and bought himself a brand new car and it’s always he’s car and dsd always says daddy’s car and makes me feel awful if I need to use it .

OP posts:
ijustcouldntthinkofausername · 05/11/2022 16:58

Dad is very right I'm afraid.
Partner sounds like a dick. Sorry

SpookyMcGhoul · 05/11/2022 16:59

Is your dad paying you anything? Whilst it does sound like your DP isn't giving his fair share (did you discuss this prior to moving in at all?) I'd be wondering if your dad sees him as moving into his place too.

Energyvampirelove · 05/11/2022 17:00

Whereas my rent here is £1795 a month and I can only dream of one day buying a house . He is very good to me as in makes me dinner and thinks of me . My dad is such a wonderful man that when he said this to me I was shocked and feel a bit silly ? .

OP posts:
elephantseal · 05/11/2022 17:00

Oh, he's a dick. Using you while he's feathering his own nest. Mean and tight with his things but happy to leech off you and get you to look after his dc.

Selfish cocklodger. I'd dump him. Your dad is right.

Energyvampirelove · 05/11/2022 17:01

My dad does all the cleaning , ironing , gardening and pays 300 a month . Dad will do a food shop and buy a takeaway etc .

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 05/11/2022 17:02

FFS, please listen to your father. Thank fuck he said something to you. Your partner is playing you for a fool. Stop being such a mug.

astronewt · 05/11/2022 17:02

Your dad is 100% correct.

RandomMess · 05/11/2022 17:03

He is absolutely taking advantage of you financially! It's disgraceful you are doing childcare duties for him and providing him and his DD a home for £500 per month!

Does he contribute to your car fuel and groceries?

Ragingoverlife · 05/11/2022 17:03

Your rent is 1795 and he's paying you 500 quid a month?

My rent is 500 quid and my partner gives me 950. Because of other bills and shopping.

Energyvampirelove · 05/11/2022 17:03

Dad isn’t worried about someone taking he’s place he was happy that I met someone and says as a person he likes my dp but said this is the way he sees it .

OP posts:
category12 · 05/11/2022 17:03

Yeah, you're being made a mug.

Him making dinner and being lovely to you - well, it doesn't change the fact that he's doing very very nicely out of your arrangement.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/11/2022 17:04

Your dads right x

AriettyHomily · 05/11/2022 17:04

1795 on tent is extortionate, even where I am in the SE!

But anyway, your dad is right. He is taking the piss. How much do you earn in comparison to him?

DecayedStrumpet · 05/11/2022 17:04

Why wasn't the starting point that your partner pays half the rent/utilities/food shop?

Energyvampirelove · 05/11/2022 17:05

He’s not tight with me using the car but I always wanted to feel like it’s ours when I’m with someone . I understand there not he’s children but how could he lay in bed and not help .

OP posts:
Energyvampirelove · 05/11/2022 17:05

I am in Essex and the rent isn’t horrific compared to others . I have looked to move but I wouldn’t be saving much at all .

OP posts:
RandomMess · 05/11/2022 17:07

He should be paying for at least a third of everything!!

Rent, council tax, gas, electric, food, water, car costs if you share a care, TV, internet.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 05/11/2022 17:08

I'm sorry but your Dad is bang on the money.

Your DP should be properly paying his way and doing significantly more of the heavy lifting around the house.

Personally I'd cut my losses as I think if you have to spell this out to someone he might improve for a bit but will slide backwards v quickly and be a dick about the money.

But you may want to lay it out for him that YOU think you are being taken for a complete mug. Leave your Dad completely out of it.

category12 · 05/11/2022 17:08

It doesn't seem like you're living as life partners, you're not pooling resources or energies (or rather you ARE, but he isn't). I bet you help with his kid.

FinallyHere · 05/11/2022 17:24

about 45 k a year and an air bnb he rents out that he averages 3k a month for . He said he will contribute 500 to my rent and hasn’t never given anything else for utilities . He will go to the shop if I need something or do a big shop now and again . My dad feels I’m being taken for a mug

On the evidence so far, I tend to agree with your father.

The important this is what you think, @Energyvampirelove Are you the least bit concerned that this isn't a fair split of costs ?

Swipe left for the next trending thread