Dp and me, advice needed please .

[Energyvampirelove]

I am sorry this is a long one . I was a single parent who works and have always had my own money . My dad has lived with me for the last 6 years . I split up with my ex and after a few years I met my dp who was on the fringe of my social circle . He split up with he’s partner and became a single dad . He has he’s dd Tuesday and Wednesday nights and Friday till Sunday night . We dated for a long time then introduced children then after time we decided to move into together . He moved into my home and I have never been happier . He’s dd has been very hard work and her mum cannot control her behaviour . She screams constantly , takes over the house , my room all this is fair enough . My dp works full time at a good job I think about 45 k a year and an air bnb he rents out that he averages 3k a month for . He said he will contribute 500 to my rent and hasn’t never given anything else for utilities . He will go to the shop if I need something or do a big shop now and again . My dad feels I’m being taken for a mug , he has just had an offer accepted for another house that he is turning into an air bnb and my dad feels that everyone would be able to do this if they only had to contribute 500 a month to there loving situation . Dad says that he can leave me whenever and he has built himself up whilst I am paying everything . Also I work mornings at times and dad has got the children ready for school whilst dp has laid in bed and dad said how can a partner /stepdad not help ? Just need advice thank you .

What is wrong with people’s comprehension. I qualified that by saying it was his thought process not mine. I’ve also replied twice to people that haven’t read it properly.

Fair enough if that’s how you meant it but then I wasn’t the only one…

He’s not good to you

hes using you and exploiting you

when he doesn’t need to do so anymore he will leave

Op.. Are you listening to everyone who is telling your your partner is taking you for a mug?

@Pebbledashery

yes I am listening currently back from fireworks about to put the children to bed and then i will be saying he can live elsewhere .

I agree with this, but even if it isn’t costing her money, he’s profiting hugely from it. That profit should have been shared. The holiday thing was disgusting. I’m so sad that what’s coming across as an intelligent, hardworking woman is falling for this, and by default, her child is missing out, too. I’m glad she’s got her dad there.

Sorry - I agree with MOST of it. He’s already showed her what he is and what he thinks of OP. She’s be far better off getting totally rid.

I have more then once child but I don’t ever ask him to buy them anything . Just think our expenses are fair . And if all the children don’t have a holiday then why should he just take he’s daughter .

So you're playing free nanny and housekeeper for your Financially well off cocklodger?

Unless he's an Adonis who worships you in the bedroom then I don't see what your getting from this "partnership" other than avoiding having your Facebook profile read single under the relationship status section.

If you're renting your dh should be contributing 1/3 of all the rent and bills, so should your Dad. That will then leave you to pay the remaining 1/3

My dad does all the cleaning , ironing , gardening and childcare if needed . I don’t think he should do 1/3

You're not gaining anything from him living with you. Keep the relationship until you're ready for that to end, if needs be, but move him and his demanding daughter out to his own properties and your dad will have less to do for starters!

Her dad pays his way in other ways, and obviously has her interests at heart.
OP you’re now defending the holiday thing. He’s really done a number on you. Please look at this with fresh eyes. You’re (and your child) worth so much more than this.

You dad sounds lovely and is completely right.

This bloke is not a nice man.

He is very good to me as in makes me dinner and thinks of me

This should be the absolute bare minimum to expect from a partner - that they do nice things for you and think about you, and vice versa.

I'm so sorry for everything you've been through, it sounds like you've had a such a tough time.

I think after leaving an abusive relationship, we sometimes think that a dickhead is a nice partner in comparison. But just because you've been with a 10/10 bastard before, don't mistake a 6/10 bastard for a nice bloke.

You obviously work hard and are responsible and kind. And you have your own lovely family.

Get rid of this man, onwards and upwards

@Yesthatismychildsigh

Honestly I’m not defending the holiday thing at first we hadn’t lived together long and he’s a devoted dad and she’s only little so I thought that I would have been unreasonable to moan . The second time I thought your taking the piss now . Me and the children do deserve more I do know this . Thank you again x

It’s good to hear you’re thinking more about this, Energy. You sound nice but too trusting. I wish you well, but that’s down to you.

I really try not to be the grammar police, but it makes it hard to read when you use ‘he’s’ to mean ‘his’.

Good luck with it, sounds tough.

This! Add up all your monthly bills.Divide by a third. That should be how much he is paying you.

@SheWoreYellow

Totally understand!

Kick him out. Stop being a mug.

What a selfish miser!

Your dad is 100% right.

@sheworeyellow - did you really have to say that? Come on.

Hope the talk has/is going ok
I think asking them to live separately would be helpful otherwise 1/3 of the total rent and bills as a minimum if they are staying seems fair, I think you should be even more businesslike and ask for a higher contribution towards transporting and minding his poorly behaved DD. Otherwise refuse to do it and he will have to pay a childminder. Haha.
Your dad is spot on and he more than pays his way with the extra chores he takes on, even if he pays less than 1/3 He sounds lovely.

It may be the boyfriend hasn't really thought this through, but as he sounds quite financially aware, I'm more inclined to think he knows exactly what he's doing. The important thing is you've cottoned on and are having a conversation about it which is the right thing to do. Far better than leaving it and feeling more and more resentful.

Honestly you and your dad sound absolutely lovely but your partner, if you can call him that, is taking the complete and utter p*. You have jumped from one abusive relationship to another I'm afraid, this one being financial.
Speak to him, how he reacts will tell you everything but I expect a massive dose of gaslighting, not of course I should be paying half etc

Your dad is helpful, cleans the house, pays £300 and makes no extra demands on you. Whereas your cocklodger/ partner, who undoubtedly earns a lot more than dad, pays £500 for himself and child, makes numerous extra demands for dsd’s care, and is building up his property portfolio at your expense.

Sorry OP. I’ve had some cocklodgers in my life too and I now recognise them as vampires. You end up broke and exhausted, and they move on to the next kind-hearted victim.