My partner of 11 years has been contacting transgender escorts. We have a child,we have a family.

[BrokenMomBrokenPartner]

He came home super late few weeks ago, he is supposed to be at school and previously would always come home at a certain time. Which made me feel suspicious that he was doing something.

We have gotten too comfortable in our relationship. He doesn’t even have a lock on his phone. He totally forgot to delete the messages.

First, I thought it was just regular escorts.

I ended up getting our call log.

So many escort numbers.

The nights he came home late, he was texting a transgender escort.

After he was confronted he disappeared for two days.

He finally contacted me and said the reason is because he was stressed about money, I made him feel like he wasn’t doing enough. Which made him start to drink. Then he entertained the idea. (His words)

I am not perfect. I do always tell him how much I want to move(we live in a bad neighborhood)

I just didn’t think he would go behind my back and do this.

On our call logs I even got in contact with someone and HE and I had a conversation.

I texted the number saying “Hey I saw ur ad”

He said to call, but when he heard my voice he sounded nervous,his voice was shaking and he was very denfensive.

I texted him and we went back and forth and he told me “if you saw my ad then give me an offer followed by explicit text here

I told him his number is linked to an escort site on google and after our conversation I googled the number again and the ad was completely gone.

My partner has not explained any of these numbers I have found.

He only gave me half a reason.

I am devastated because he is a recovering addict. He is 3 years sober and I thought our relationship was fine. We were going to the gym together, getting in shape, working towards getting our degrees.

I feel like I got to comfortable. I just wish he would have sat down and explained to me, talked to me. Instead of going behind my back and doing this.

I just needed to vent.

Its been very hard these past couple of days.

I don’t know how to move on from this.

Looking for support.

I'm so sorry OP, you must feel utterly betrayed. I think the only way you will properly move on is to leave him though, I know that will be hard to hear but it's the truth. Any relationship you and he went on to have after this would be tainted by his dishonesty and apparent ability to disregard your feelings for his own gain and you deserve far better than that.

He's already displaying his inability to take responsibility for his own actions and blaming 'stress', what happens the next time he is stressed then? Will he do it again? And would you ever stop wondering if he might even if he doesn't?

I couldn't live like that and I don't think you should have to either. Accepting this is over now will save you potentially years of miserable 'trying to make it work' and twisting yourself to try to trust someone who has already proved they can't be trusted. Know your worth, and that this man is not worthy of you

Delilah is right. You can't trust him, and worse, he is trying to blame you for something awful that he, and only he, decided to do. Ugh.

I know you have kids so the betrayal probably feels worse. But he can still be their Dad. What he can't be is your partner.

And please stop blaming yourself for any of it. It suits him very well for you to feel 'responsible' and to blame, but that is just more lies.

"he was stressed about money, I made him feel like he wasn’t doing enough. Which made him start to drink. Then he entertained the idea. (His words)"

Wahwahwah, I didn't do it, well if I did it was your fault!

Honestly he's shown you who he is. Get out now it will only get harder.

That's so unutterably grim. Sorry OP. I know I couldn't trust his excuses and would have to walk away.

Blimey, it's pretty extreme.

"You've made me really stressed so I went looking for a chick with a dick"

I couldn't get passed this. I don't think your DP has recovered from what ever made him an addict. There's only so much you can try and help someone and he has pushed it too far this time.

Those reasons aren't any of the real reasons he uses biological male prostitutes.

He uses them because he's attracted to and enjoys having sex with people who have the appearance of male & female bodies (since trans sexual prostitutes generally have had no genital surgery, but most often have breast implants, and of course groom, dress and "present" as female). He is obviously attracted to that combination, or he'd just use female prostitutes like the majority of male punters do.

Something about them being biological males with intact penises and testicles obviously particularly appeals to him, or he'd just use female prostitutes.

Even if he did use only female prostitutes; you'd obviously still have a prostitutes using, sex buying, money spender on sex, higher std risk, cheating, lying, degenerate on your hands.

I keep looking at myself in the mirror comparing myself to the ads I have found.

This has been so difficult for me.

It appears you partners addictive nature tends towards "highs"/compulsions of all types.

It's rarely worth sticking with an addict of any type. They rarely stop and they often just move onto another addiction/compulsion.

You usually need to get away from them for your own physical and mental health. And for your bank balance

They're men.

Transvestite/transexual men.

I'd be worried if you looked like them

Even if they were women, so what.

The most beautiful women in the world have been cheated on and left.

Beauty is no guarantee of anything.

The only thing that's a guarantee of a good partner is getting rid of the obviously not good ones as fast as you can.

It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him.

I'm sorry OP. You need an STI check as a matter or urgency.

What is your housing and financial situation? I know you want to move out of your area. Can you do this alone.

He is effectively saying you made him do this.

Cheaters gonna cheat.

Models have been cheated on, film stars, women whose looks are admired and envied world wide.

Never feel you're not good enough for a cheater. They cheat because they're cheaters. I know good looking guys, high (traditional) status guys who are faithful, because that's their character, beviser they have integrity, because they have good sense. That's what matters.

No-one will ever stop a cheater cheating. Ask Sandra Bullock. Ask a hundred others.

I got tested yesterday. They will call only if they found something.

I will be honest. I lost my job in 2020. He became the sole provider. During these 2 years he has been making more money. I have been able to go to school during this time. He is paying for everything right now. I have my mom. My mom knows and says she is going to help my child and I.

He said because I made him feel like he wasn’t doing enough. But I will be honest I want to move. My neighborhood is very bad. That’s all he said.

I asked if I let myself go because I do feel like I was getting too comfortable and he said no.

There are so many unanswered questions that I feel I will never get.

I am devastated because he is a recovering addict. He is 3 years sober

I can only guess what you've put up with from him already.

He's not worth it.

He's a "recovering" addict and a punter/prostitute user. He's a fuck up. You're never going to fix him and you shouldn't have to.

You've spent long enough, by the sounds of it, waiting around for him to fix himself, no doub t trying to help him fix himself at your own expense; you can't.

You shouldn't give any more to this specimen. You need to look after yourself and your kids.

I asked if I let myself go because I do feel like I was getting too comfortable and he said no.

First off it wouldn't be a reason for cheating if you did (it would be a reason for talking tomyou about it and ending the relationship if nothing changed/you made zero effort over time) ..... But hes been seeing male prostitutes.

So it could be nothing about that anyway.
He'd see female prostitutes if he wanted sex with females.

There are so many unanswered questions that I feel I will never get.

The mind of a man who wants sex with men with breast implants who style themselves as women (or rather a cliched, highly groomed, highly made up version of women) has stuff going on in his head and his sexuality that women (in fact most hetero people) will not really understand.

His alcoholism might even be partly about a struggle with his sexuality/unhappiness with his sexuality.

Though he may just be generally prone to addiction/compulsion to - alcohol, drugs, paid sex etc.

His drug of choice before his sobriety was heroin. I feel so stupid typing all of this out. I am so dumb. Yet, I don’t know how to feel. I feel numb.

He said because I made him feel like he wasn’t doing enough.

That would be something you would discuss and break up over if it was bad enough and could not be resolved.

That wouldn't be something you would decide to go behind your partner and Mum of your children's back and chest on, at all let alone with prostitutes, at all let alone with biologically male prostitutes.

You must be an absolutely lovely and great girlfriend because he is struggling to hard to even find anything he can blame you for and accuse you of. Like what he's coming up with shows he's got nothing on you.

But what he came up with would all be lies and excuses anyway.

Ah sorry, I thought it was alcohol because of the word sober(thought it was "clean" for drugs).

Heroin.

Fuck, that's pretty much the worst of the worst.

He has deep issues he may never solve. I think you should get away from him for your own health and sanity.

You will get over it in time.

Oh Op, what a scumbag he is.

Please know this is everything about him and nothing to do with you.

You’ve given this man 11 years and God knows how much support. This is how he treats you?

You deserve better than this.