My partner of 11 years has been contacting transgender escorts. We have a child,we have a family.

[BrokenMomBrokenPartner]

He came home super late few weeks ago, he is supposed to be at school and previously would always come home at a certain time. Which made me feel suspicious that he was doing something.

We have gotten too comfortable in our relationship. He doesn’t even have a lock on his phone. He totally forgot to delete the messages.

First, I thought it was just regular escorts.

I ended up getting our call log.

So many escort numbers.

The nights he came home late, he was texting a transgender escort.

After he was confronted he disappeared for two days.

He finally contacted me and said the reason is because he was stressed about money, I made him feel like he wasn’t doing enough. Which made him start to drink. Then he entertained the idea. (His words)

I am not perfect. I do always tell him how much I want to move(we live in a bad neighborhood)

I just didn’t think he would go behind my back and do this.

On our call logs I even got in contact with someone and HE and I had a conversation.

I texted the number saying “Hey I saw ur ad”

He said to call, but when he heard my voice he sounded nervous,his voice was shaking and he was very denfensive.

I texted him and we went back and forth and he told me “if you saw my ad then give me an offer followed by explicit text here

I told him his number is linked to an escort site on google and after our conversation I googled the number again and the ad was completely gone.

My partner has not explained any of these numbers I have found.

He only gave me half a reason.

I am devastated because he is a recovering addict. He is 3 years sober and I thought our relationship was fine. We were going to the gym together, getting in shape, working towards getting our degrees.

I feel like I got to comfortable. I just wish he would have sat down and explained to me, talked to me. Instead of going behind my back and doing this.

I just needed to vent.

Its been very hard these past couple of days.

I don’t know how to move on from this.

Are you in North America Op?

You wanting to move turned him gay, did it? Made him seek out gay prostitute sex? And when you look in the mirror you think that you don't compare to a male prostitute?

Well now. You could go down that self-pity route I suppose. You could just vent a bit here and then carry on, sadly, selflessly blaming yourself.

Or you could find your anger and leave the disrespectful, cheating prick to bumble forwards in his compulsive solo journey of sexual and gender exploration, and find ways to provide for a future for yourself and your child.

I would do my best to check in on how he is feeling. I would tell him I understand he’s working and going to school and if it’s too much he can tell me. I have no problem with that.

I feel disgusted to know what he’s been doing.

He comes home and kisses me on the lips.

This feels disgusting.

On Friday we went to our child’s school event and I noticed he looked nervous and uncomfortable. His eyes were shifty as if someone will see him?

Omg…I don’t know how I will get passed this.

I really really appreciate your responses.

Yes. California.

He said he is not gay and he does not like men. (his words)

Please don’t do this. This is not about how physically attractive you are. You can’t compete with a chick with a dick as you are a woman.
I’m so sorry but I think your relationship is over but that is your decision.
Get your ducks in a row and consider a fresh start.

You wanting to move turned him gay, did it? Made him seek out gay prostitute sex?

It's amazing the things that turn men gay .... And also the things that make them seek out sex with prostitutes.

Stress often causes both apparently. And there are no other solutions/things to ameliorate it.

Couple of weeks back we had a man whose hair loss medication caused a complete personality change that made him contact prostitutes. Apparently a warning about it was not on the medication.... Who'd have thought?

He just likes cock.

You split up with him, is how you get past this.

It makes no difference what type of escort he was seeing/chatting to.

He contacted or perhaps had sex with sex workers, then blamed you for it! He's the lowest of the low.

😂

Sure thing.

That must be why he contacted transsexual prostitutes and not female ones (of whom there are many more).

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt eh.

Which just happens to be attached to biological men.

This is a man who cannot function without an extreme addiction. Not the 'lower order' drug addictions like alcohol or weed for him, but the infamous extreme drug. Not just prostitutes, but transexual prostitutes. He chases extreme abnormal highs and gets off on that.

You supported him through drug addiction, but once clean sobriety and normality didn't satisfy him, so he found a replacement - something he had to deliberately go looking for. If you 'support' him through this, he'll find something else. It's what he is. Normality doesn't do it for him.

This is my thinking too.

But one would imagine he's gotta have some bi leaning at least to want sex with biological males with dicks and balls (even if they have breast implants, and the entire contents of a department stores makeup counter on them).

he does not like men

Well he likes them well enough to be j tumste with them and put his money in their bank accounts, instead of all the women out there he could easily pay for sex instead.

*intimate with

It's not you, it's him.

You do need to work on your self esteem though as you deserve so much better than this.

I am not perfect. I do always tell him how much I want to move(we live in a bad neighborhood)

I'm sorry but this is not remotely comparable! You are expressing an opinion. He is cheating and lying.

So he has blamed you for his reason behind contacting these escorts... he sounds lovely ! I would be leaving him. Out of all the things he could have done in relation to you making him feel whatever it was, he chose to explore the idea of cheating on you with an escort (regardless male or female).

My self esteem is low now. I have been researching therapists so I can work through this.

I imagine you've been through hell with his heroin addiction if you've been with him for 11 years.

I imagine it wasn't a walk in the park for your kids either.

You've stick by him through all that and this is how you are rewarded ... He's just moved on to something else.

Something else degenerate, something else deeply unfair to his partner and family.
Something else thats now causing you pain, upset, stress etc.

It's enough.

You probably should have left him before now. But this ....

Also you and your kids are in a rough neighborhood and he's spending your family money (it's not his money when he's got a partner and kids, dependants) on fucking prostitutes???!!!!!

I hope your STD results come back ok ... Just to warn you not to have sex with him again .. because I've read reviews prostitute users leave for prostitutes (female and transexual) and several days that transsexual prostitutes are now having sex without condoms (both giving and receiving penetrative sex) because they are often taking "prep" to prevent hiv .... But that leaves them much more vulnerable to all the other STDs.

And of course there are some that get around condoms too, as long as there's skin to skin contact.

I do not know how I will heal from this. I am trying to find a therapist so I can move forward.

I am embarrassed and ashamed.

I am having thoughts that people knew.

Or if he has been with people who see us together.

This is really messing with me.

We have been planning on moving, it is a pretty rough neighborhood..I feel embarrassed sharing these things.

I am embarrassed and ashamed

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about.

It's unlikely people know.