Hi, my husband(married 16 years)who I have been with for 21 years left me 12 weeks ago on Thursday. I feel totally useless as another friend has told me that by now I shouldn"t still be crying probably most days, I have commented on this about 6 weeks ago as I was getting the same from my MIL. We have an 18 year old son together, it was my husband who wanted to end the marriage not myself and I still feel like the bottom has dropped out of my world. It seems like he hates me, I really feel that from him, I do need to text him sometimes if it's about our son but he will only reply with a one word answer if he can, I feel like he can't even be civil to me just sending a text. I had messaged him last Thursday as I needed to know exactly what DD come out of his bank account as I am trying to see if I can afford to carry on living in our home. I got a reply saying he wasn't going to tell me on that day as he said he had lots of his own shit going wrong. I messaged him back asking if he was ok and did he want to talk about it, I was thinking maybe he was having a crap time with work, I said to him we were always best friends and did he want to mull it over with me to see if I could help him. To which I have had no reply, I can't understand why he can't even just be kind, I had to message him today about christmas day as I know my son is already worried about what's going to happen. I can see his parents house out of my sons bedroom window so they're very close by. For the last 18 years we have always gone for christmas dinner so I have told my son to still go to his grandmas as his dad is going for dinner too. I had the same response today, just rude and abrupt. I am still heartbroken, I cry most days and try to hide it from my son but sometimes I can't hide it, I am agrophobic unless I'm with someone else, so I rarely go anywhere, I'm not eating or sleeping properly and maybe my friend is right, maybe I need to just be over it by now but for just about 21 years i've loved him to bits and I still feel so heartbroken. I can'e see myself getting to a point when I won't be in tears about him. He was brought up about 25 miles or so away from where we live now and had started going back out drinking up there with his old school friends and since then everything just fell apart. He had the chance of renting a new build a 15 minute walk away from where me and my son live now but instead he chose to go back to where his mates live 25 miles away. I asked him how he could do that to our son, for our son to get to where he's now renting would take 3 buses as it's not easy to get to, if he had rented the new house for exactly the same money a month then our son could have walked to see him whenever he felt like it. I think this was so unfair of my husband. Like I said earlier it's like he hates me now but I can't understand how given the choice it seems living further away next to his mates is better than being able to see his son regularly. I wish I had hatred for him as then I wouldn't be crying everyday. Am I being stupid for still missing him so much that it seems to physically hurt or is 12 weeks still ok to feel raw?