Babies dad has blocked me and he has her...help

[Supernova18]

Hello,
My ex partner has blocked me (again) after I said I wasn't happy about his girlfriend of a few months staying over when my child is there (with her baby too) and my partner going on holiday with her and her daughter. He has blocked me, he says until the new year. It is my daughters birthday early december, then they go away and then they want her for xmas.

Can anyone offer guidance? our co parenting it horrific and he will block and unblock, but being told he promises it will be until new year, is a long time with no direct contact. I have to go through my MIL

I'm quite confused, OP. I read your post saying your ex intends to keep the baby with him and not return her until the New Year?
If so, that's two whole months and sounds quite unreasonable if you've been having her at least half the time until now. You need to see a solicitor as soon as you can.
I'd be worried sick.
if I've misunderstood, I apologise.

Have a set schedule. That will vastly reduce need to communicate with each other. Agree to use a co parenting app for communication re child. You could also send a book with her in same way nurseries do if you need to communicate re her care eg sore bum been putting cream (in bag) on every 3 hours.

Sorry, I see i did in fact misunderstand, ignore my post.

I have to go through my MIL

Bollocks to that.

I would refuse to use MIL as a go between. To drive the point home I'd book a dentist appointment or something for the next time he was due to see her and let him turn up to knock an empty house.

So sorry but obviously I was unable to let you know as you've blocked me 🤷🏻‍♀️ and then repeat until he grows the fuck up and is willing to maintain two way communication for the sake of the child.

Won't that just wind him up and encourage more tit for tat that isn't in the child's interest?

Is he named on the birth certificate?

He sounds horrendous, this is so stressful for you.

I think you need to back off, only have contact about your child and unfortunately accept that you have no control over who he allows into your child's live

It's interesting that so many comments have no problem with him introducing multiple women to your child, but if a woman gets a new man she's torn to shreds.

Of course he can legally block her women are advised to do this all the time if their ex is overly invested in their life.

She shouldn't be torn to shreds though, maybe the type of person who would have issue with a Mother moving on isn't on this thread, maybe it's not double standards just different people commenting.

He sounds like a piece of work. Not unreasonable at all to want your DC away from the new girlfriend merry go round. Sounds like a positive thing that he has blocked you, frankly.

Nothing you've written us him being abusive op.

You've made out he has her when he shouldn't, but your next reply suggests he isn't doing that.

He has simply blocked you, as, reading between the lines, you are having a go at him because of his personal choices. You're not together. He can block you as he likes.

I don't think playing power games (e.g. dentist appointment like OPP suggested) helps the situation, or indeed is in the child's best interest. It sounds like there is too much drama about this situation...you have a contact arrangement in place, stick to this arrangement and focus on yourself and your child. He's not interested in any contact, I think you have to accept this and move on.

Your behaviour so far has been pretty poor and I wouldn't blame him for perceiving you as controlling. In the absence of serious safeguarding concerns, you have no right to tell him that he can't have his partner staying over or that he can't go on holiday with her. If you both have PR, you are equal parents. You are not the sole arbiter of your child's best interests and it's awful that you have tried to control his contact time in this way.

Clearly you need to find a way to communicate calmly and effectively with him to agree future contact. An app like OurFamilyWizard may be helpful. If you're not happy with the pattern of contact, then mediation would be a good first step.

If you try to reduce/limit his contact because you don't want his partner of several months to be there, he'd be perfectly justified to take you to court, and then you'd lose a lot of control over the process.

It's interesting that so many comments have no problem with him introducing multiple women to your child, but if a woman gets a new man she's torn to shreds.

That's rubbish. She'd only be torn to shreds if she moved multiple men into the child's home.

I wouldn’t like it. But liking it or not he’s the child’s parent with parental responsibility. She’s not raised any concerns re his care of baby just the company he keeps and fact she can’t contact him.

If you have a regular arrangement in regard to contact, then there really isn't a need to be in contact without each other outside of that. You definitely don't have the right to give him your opinion of his life choices, and he shouldn't be talking to you about his relationships. You both need better boundaries.

To be fair if they have an agreement and the contact is working the Family Court will wonder why they need to be involved and may not approve one.

It is ridiculous for him to block, force things through MIL rather than negotiate (or just say no, I can't change things, no I'm having who I want in my house) . But it is nothing you can influence, yes it is hugely annoying that he's so irresponsible as to introduce his daughter to random person after random person, but your child presumably has stability at home with you?

If he was more reasonable he probably wouldn't be your ex though. Very frustrating but all of this will be clear to your vhild as they grow. My children have very little respect for my ex or his ever changing girlfriends. I encourage them to be polite but I can't change that they dont want to get attached as its a waste of energy.

Why do you care about him going away?

I'm not surprised he's blocked you.

I think it's shit that he introduces all of his gfriends to your baby but the fact that he thinks it's ok shows that he won't listen.

The bigger question is does he look afteer your baby well when he has them?

@Butterbean9 why we may think he is a dick in terms of his private life, we know the only useful advice we can give the OP is to keep her beak out and ignore/not to react to such details.

You must go down the legal route and have a court ordered contact arrangement put in place. That way should he ever keep her from you and refuse to return her the police have the powers to intervene. As it stands at the moment because there is nothing legal in place you and your DD are in a very precious situation given that this is how he behaves.

As for him introducing your DD to multiple women this clearly isn’t ideal and I completely understand your upset, but unfortunately you have no say in this regard. Expressing your displeasure at the situation to him is causing unnecessary friction to your co parenting relationship. He either just doesn’t want to hear it hence blocking you, or he enjoys winding you up and torturing you with details and information that he knows will upset you.

As a matter of extreme priority get yourself to a solicitor to get a legal contact agreement in place. Once you have your DD back I would refuse to hand her over again until a legal agreement is in place because you currently can’t trust that he will be reasonable and bring her back. This is not healthy for your DD she needs a routine and not to be a pawn in her parents squabbles. Stop commenting on his personal life in the meantime, do not rise to the bait, the sooner he sees your indifference to him the sooner you take away his power to control and upset you.

www.family-action.org.uk/content/uploads/2021/06/Family-Action-Polaris-co-parenting-apps-2020.pdf

These types of apps. Then communication is solely child related. You shouldn’t be communicating about none child issues eg his latest gf.

If you really don’t feel he’s acting in child’s best interests then you can apply for prohibited steps order eg if he was going on holiday to Australia for 6 weeks. If it’s just a short break at time he would normally have baby then where he goes is his decision as her dad. Likewise when you have her you decide what to do and who to see.

do you have proof of his abuse - ie gp, police, HV. If so this could be gateway to legal aid.

As a PP said, it's not ideal that he's had lots of gfs but it is outwith your control. He also doesn't need to make himself constantly available to you. It's not abusive to say contact should go through MIL.
It's often suggested on here that with an abusive ex, you should use another relative to facilitate contact, etc. In fact, when relationships break down, the courts are usually happy for a third party to be involved in handovers and communications.

Thank you for your comments. I do not ask about his private life, my reply to him was that as long as my daughters routine was kept I wished them well and hoped it worked. He called me to ask why I hadn't reacted. He then went on about their holiday, how she was a better mum etc. I hung up and then got message after message about his holiday and their life. He can of course do what he wants and I do know he would never put his daughter in danger with anyone he was with.

I woke up to message after message after this about how he was blocking me, how he was upset how I felt towards him etc etc, how he hoped his child was always loved and I made sure she knew it from him with no context and then he blocks me. I have and would never ever interfere unless there was a reason to.

He walked out 2 days before I had my daughter and was on dating events whilst I had her. He then walked out after 2 months with all his family there, didnt turn up to collect her as he was sleeping with a woman and that has been the whole way through. Hats off he has stepped up recently, but I dont know how we ever coparent