Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner left randomly

85 replies

Lisagreen12 · 29/10/2022 20:32

So 48 hours ago my DH Up and left. We weren’t properly arguing just a slight disagreement and he packed a bag and left. I’m so confused by it all I don’t even know if we are still together. Do I message him? Call him? Wait for him to respond. As he was leaving he said he was going for a night and this is now the third night and I’ve heard nothing, I’m not even sure how many clothes he has with him or where he is. What do I say to him? I’m heartbroken.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 29/10/2022 20:35

How long have you been together? Have you argued before?

He clearly doesnt deal with conflict well. I coukdnt personally be in a relationship with someone who dealt with a disagreemenr in such a fashion.

Do you want him in your life?

frozendaisy · 29/10/2022 20:35

Can you call a friend/brother/mum?

Just say you are worried and want to check he's alive type thing as a first step.

Original poster
Lisagreen12 · 29/10/2022 20:36

We’ve been together 5 years, we argue a lot, I’m very confused as to where he’s even gone as he doesn’t have anyone he can stay with

i had his parents numbers but got a new phone so no longer have them, not sure his friends, no siblings

OP posts:
Original poster
Lisagreen12 · 29/10/2022 20:37

He’s been online on social media since

OP posts:
SpookyMcGhoul · 29/10/2022 20:38

Can you see transactions in a shared bank account if you have one? How's his mental state?

Original poster
Lisagreen12 · 29/10/2022 20:39

We have seperate accounts only a joint savings account, his mental health has been bad lately, he’s also taken the dog with him

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 29/10/2022 20:41

I woukd contact the police on 111 personally.

cantthinkofabetterusername · 29/10/2022 20:42

Dacadactyl · 29/10/2022 20:41

I woukd contact the police on 111 personally.

I second this,
Poor mental health, nobody he can stay with, I'd definitely involve police

Original poster
Lisagreen12 · 29/10/2022 20:42

But he’s online on social media? I’m just unsure what to say to him, he’s not a missing person

OP posts:
category12 · 29/10/2022 20:42

Sounds like he's OK if he's taken clothes, dog and is on social media.

I'd be thinking he's with someone else tbh.

SpookyMcGhoul · 29/10/2022 20:43

Police for me - if you know he's got bad mental health and had zero contact and don't know where he is.

StopStartStop · 29/10/2022 20:44

He had somewhere to go and worked up an argument to give himself the excuse. Start planning your life without him. I'm sorry.

Dacadactyl · 29/10/2022 20:44

Lisagreen12 · 29/10/2022 20:42

But he’s online on social media? I’m just unsure what to say to him, he’s not a missing person

Oh sorry i missed that he had been online.

I would just ring him and text him to say youre worried and can he contact you, if only to let you know he is ok.

category12 · 29/10/2022 20:44

What potential suicide takes the dog with him? 🤔🙄

I don't think involving the police makes sense.

cantthinkofabetterusername · 29/10/2022 20:44

Lisagreen12 · 29/10/2022 20:42

But he’s online on social media? I’m just unsure what to say to him, he’s not a missing person

Try messaging him, see if he replies. Do you have children together?

Original poster
Lisagreen12 · 29/10/2022 20:45

@category12 well this is what I’m thinking tbh. He has been acting strange the past few weeks which is what the argument was about ie disappearing for hours at a time. And now he suddenly has somewhere to stay. Am I meant to reach out to him? He has changed his relationship status on fb to it’s complicated which is a bit petty, it’s great I have to find out through there rather him telling me. We didn’t really go in depth in the argument I just bought it up saying he was acting strange and he immediately grabbed clothes and said he was going for a night.

OP posts:
minticecreamisjustok · 29/10/2022 20:46

If he's been online and social media then I wouldn't contact the police. Call him to see where he is, but honestly I'd think this is over, this isn't a healthy relationship to stay in.

Original poster
Lisagreen12 · 29/10/2022 20:47

The thing is I don’t want to reach out if he’s sat there with another women and I’ve made myself look stupid but at the same time it’s been 48 hours and I’m worried and I feel a bit lost and confused

OP posts:
SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 29/10/2022 20:48

Urgh yeah sorry, sounds like someone else. And he’ll spin it that you drove him to it with your suspicions etc - she’s just a friend and he went to stay there after you were mean to him. Don’t believe a word he says. He has no respect for you, who would do that to someone they’d been with for 5 years?! I’d be tempted to go totally cold on him and just start the process of separation while he’s gone tbh. Even if he wasn’t cheating this is not an ok way to behave. Fuck him. Flowers

TabithaTittlemouse · 29/10/2022 20:49

Have you not called or text or anything since he left?

TabithaTittlemouse · 29/10/2022 20:51

Do you have any other way of contacting his family or friends? Social media?

PritiPatelsMaker · 29/10/2022 20:52

He had somewhere to go and worked up an argument to give himself the excuse. Start planning your life without him. I'm sorry

This is exactly what I was thinking. He's been on SM so I don't think there's any point in contacting the police. The first thing they're likely to ask is "have you tried to call him".

If you don't want to call him, that's fine but I think it's something that should be done if you were considering calling the Police.

SpookyMcGhoul · 29/10/2022 20:53

First thing I'd do is take half the joint savings and put it into your account where he can't get to it.

If he's taken the dog and is making Facebook relationship status updates then he's obviously online. No harm in 111 though, they either won't class him as missing (no harm done) or they might, and if he's round some fancy woman's house - it might harsh their buzz having the police knock looking for him 🤷🏻‍♀️

cantthinkofabetterusername · 29/10/2022 20:53

Lisagreen12 · 29/10/2022 20:45

@category12 well this is what I’m thinking tbh. He has been acting strange the past few weeks which is what the argument was about ie disappearing for hours at a time. And now he suddenly has somewhere to stay. Am I meant to reach out to him? He has changed his relationship status on fb to it’s complicated which is a bit petty, it’s great I have to find out through there rather him telling me. We didn’t really go in depth in the argument I just bought it up saying he was acting strange and he immediately grabbed clothes and said he was going for a night.

This changes my opinion, he's been randomly kidding for hours at a time? Yeah I'm thinking another woman now. Sorry

cantthinkofabetterusername · 29/10/2022 20:53

Missing not kidding