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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think I'm in an abusive relationship

103 replies

daisyblue7 · 26/10/2022 14:46

Went out to eat with DP who I have been with for a year. He was a bit quiet so I asked him what was wrong. He replied "Can I be honest? I really don't like those leggings that you're wearing. Don't wear them around me again. You should burn them." He then spent the entire meal telling me how "out of place" I looked in comparison to other women. He even said "I scroll through Instagram on see women on there and think to myself, why doesn't my girlfriend look like that?" He said he is used to a "certain standard" of woman and I don't meet that standard. I got up from the table and locked myself in the toilet and cried. I felt absolutely shit. Pathetic and worthless. I eventually came back to the table and was visibly upset. He said I shouldn't be upset about him telling me his "preferences".

This isn't the first time he's made me feel like this. Here are some other things he's said:

  • told me he doesn't like my underwear and it puts him off me. He said I should wear thongs everyday.
  • only likes me to get my toenails painted white and questions me if I choose another colour.
  • hangs up on me and refuses to talk to me if I ever try to talk to him about how he's upset me.

I have spoken to my cousin and she said it's emotionally abusive/controlling - is this true? Writing it all down it definitely seems that way but I'm just so confused because he wasn't like this in the beginning and there are times he can be so loving and complimentary to me.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 28/10/2022 00:32

Hopefully you can get rid of him safely. If you don't live with him then thats brilliant because you can dump him by text (or phone if absolutely necessary BUT its better that you have written evidence of telling him its over and to stay away from you incase the police need to be invited at some point).

He isn't worth more. Don't let him convince you that he is 'owed' a face to face meet. He isn't.
He lost his rights to 'respect' the second he deprived to of yours.

With his kind...there's always something aimed at making you feel like you aren't good enough. They are never happy. Because it isn't about changing you, its about breaking you. But he doesn't get to do that. Because now you see him for who HE really is: deficient in every way.

Whatacrocof · 28/10/2022 12:07

I could’ve written this post.

my now Ex (his decision) used to comment how much he hated my leggings and even took a photo of what they looked like on me. He hated my underwear. There were many put downs from clothes to my car being shit (it was 6 months old not that matters). Please please don’t be me it really doesn’t get better. I’m riddled with anxiety and depression and have been in therapy since meeting him. Feel free to look up my pps. Good luck

Ironfist · 28/10/2022 12:14

He's vile!! Run a mile, you deserve so much better than this prick!

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