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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Really sore after drunken night MNHQ adding content warning

123 replies

Italianmamami · 26/10/2022 11:12

So I broke up with my boyfriend in the drink and had way too much to drink and put myself in an awful position. This guy was lovely telling me how beautiful I am and I enjoyed the attention but he was very forceful and I had to tell him no more then once and he wasn’t listening. He came back to mine and several times I told him to stop because he was so rough, rough to the point this morning blood squirted all over when I told him to stop because it hurt. I went to the toilet after and I had blood clots and lots of blood when I wiped, he had blood on him too. I really shouldn’t have had too much to drink, I can’t believe I put myself in this position.

OP posts:

Holidayexpert · 26/10/2022 15:35

@SlashBeef Is anything I’ve said incorrect. I was just saying what the op said herself.
She said she had too much to drink and she put herself in a difficult position!

ghosthunter2022 · 26/10/2022 15:35

Facecream · 26/10/2022 15:07

@ghosthunter2022 … grammatically?
I’m not sure you know what that means.

How about you don’t derail the OP’s thread?

Sorry didn’t realise you were the Post Police.

swallowedAfly · 26/10/2022 15:42

Hi OP. Hope you're still reading despite idiots.

I would call 111 if I was you and explain what's happened and what the damage looks and feels like and ask if it's possible to have a rape kit done etc - hopefully there's some way for them to pass on the information to the A&E department you'd be going to and let them know in advance you're coming in and avoid you having to sit in main waiting area or maybe they have somewhere specific you can go? I really don't know but I'd try to find out the best, least horrible way to go about getting care.

Actually I've just realised it's not the weekend (half term has thrown me) - how would you feel about calling your GP as first port of call? They could see you and examine and then call the hospital to do an urgent referral for you to be seen or signpost you and get you passed onto the relevant service.

I don't have answer but they will exist I hope and I'd ask for help navigating this rather than just turn up at A&E cold if that makes sense.

So sorry this happened to you.

StarCourt · 26/10/2022 15:46

111 is a good idea

swallowedAfly · 26/10/2022 15:48

Yes she got drunk and was very vulnerable, no she didn't put herself 'in' the situation, she was unlucky enough to be in the vicinity of a dangerous and violent man whilst drunk and vulnerable.

We've many of us been in the position of being in a very vulnerable state emotionally and drunk, most will have been lucky enough to have not been in the crosshairs of a rapist at that time, others won't have been so lucky.

Any normal person would be capable of knowing empathy and support is what is needed now, not blaming or reinforcing the idea that they have some culpability in what happened to them. They don't.

The OP said very little in her post and you've deduced a great deal. The forceful bit comes first in her post, it doesn't necessarily come first in the chain of events, it would be quite understandable to be muddled in your posting style in the state she's likely to be in.

I do hope if something like this ever happens to your dd, no matter how 'sensible' and rape proof you seem to think she is, no one will respond to her in the way you have responded to this poor lady today.

swallowedAfly · 26/10/2022 15:52

The other bonus of the GP route would be they'd have already seen the worst and know what has happened to you so if/when you need emotional help, a sicknote, whatever that doorway is already open to speak to them again and not have to relate what has happened to someone new as they'll know. It would be good to speak to them and have that line of support open.

Police or no police is up to you though I agree having physical evidence taken now so you have that option is a good idea. Most important, as others have said, is getting physical and emotional care and support now. Going to the GP would be a good idea imho.

swallowedAfly · 26/10/2022 16:04

Sorry for mad multiple posts OP but I am really feeling for you. Would be inappropriate for me to share about my own experience on here but I've had my own experience and one that was easy to blur and confuse in my own mind and I didn't immediately tell anyone or have anyone I could trust around so I didn't. I was in a very 'foreign' country at the time traveling alone.

Please tell someone, it doesn't have to be your guests or a friend or a family member and you don't have to tell any of them if you don't want to or until you're ready or at all. A GP or nurse at your surgery is bound by confidentiality and you don't have to see them every day and they won't be pressuring you into taking a particular route and you won't have to deal with the consequences of having it 'known' by people who are significant in your life. BUT someone will know, there will be a route open for support and help when/if you want or need it and you won't have the additional hurdles of oh it was ages ago I can't say anything now or it can't have been that bad or I'd have told someone or gotten some medical attention then etc.

It may sound silly but imo or ime if you don't immediately tell someone and share it it becomes easy to never tell anyone or share it and it potentially puts a bit more distance between you and the world itms. All sorts of stuff grows in that space if you're not careful.

So even if it's only, 'for the sake of the children', get some medical attention and tell someone as the first step of not letting him hurt you more than he already has.

kateandme · 26/10/2022 19:23

LovedFedAndNoonesDead · 26/10/2022 12:55

The way the OP speaks about the guy he is a rebound night after splitting up with her boyfriend. I would most certainly go to the police especially with the potential for physical injury - in fact, if there is enough damage to cause such bleeding and pain, it’s likely the hospital will automatically refer to the police.

Show quote history

Please no-one fear this happening.
This is false.the medical team will act entirely by your consent.
The op should seek medical aid for herself.what she does next is her decision and what she feels strong enogu h for hopefully with adequate support.

Original poster

Italianmamami · 27/10/2022 21:10

I attended a&e who would not touch me until the police had seen me. They were lovely as were the staff who were at the sexual assault centre. It’s been a rough 24 hours and I’m exhausted and numb. I’ve taken numerous phone calls and have been vilified by childrens services and now have to deal with them on an ongoing basis despite going through the motions now ready for court.

OP posts:

ExtraJalapenos · 27/10/2022 21:44

OP I hope youre okay.
I'm glad that this is being reported. I understand if you don't want it going further.
This shouldn't have ever happened to you, please don't blame yourself, you didn't consent to this, just remember that.

Have you any family support? Friends you can lean on during this time?

beenwhereyouare · 27/10/2022 21:50

@Holidayexpert

There you go again, still victim-blaming. The OP doesn't need chastising- she needs medical attention and empathy.

I just reported you. And have my very first biscuit.

beenwhereyouare · 27/10/2022 21:53

@Italianmamami

caramac04 · 28/10/2022 09:13

OP, just seen your update. I am glad you sought medical help and have been able to share the fact of your trauma with professionals. I’m sorry you’ve got other stuff going on but please make time for you to be kind to yourself. Obviously I don’t know your situation and you may well feel like curling up and ignoring the world but I hope you and your dc can have a nice day. Maybe dvd and pizza, even some chocolate (hell why not?) and lots of cuddles.
So sorry you’re suffering this attack.
I hope karma, if not legal justice, gets this excuse of a man. I doubt it’s his first time or will be his last.
Is there any chance you weren’t only drunk (which I have been many times, not proud but honest)? I had a drink spiked once and appeared very drunk. Nothing bad happened fortunately but I was vulnerable.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/10/2022 09:18

Sounds like a horrifying experience and you were really brave to go to the police.

(I'm cheering you on). Get this bastard seen to.

Please give yourself to heal and take care of yourself.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/10/2022 09:19

'time to heal'.

Original poster

Italianmamami · 28/10/2022 10:40

I’m not sure if I was spiked but they have taken blood tests to check and check my alcohol levels. I’m in so much pain all over and my neck still feels sore from where he kept choking me.

OP posts:

FiveGreenBottles · 28/10/2022 15:07

I am pleased you have involved the police OP. The very fact you have done so will (rightly or wrongly) have potentially long lasting consequences for this man.

For example, if he is questioned by the police his DNA will taken and placed on the police national database This will be a permanent marker and taken into account he is arrested for any other offence.

He could find it difficult to get a visa to certain countries having been arrested.

Even if ultimately he is not charged with an offence his enhanced DBS record is very likely to say something like ‘arrested/questioned on suspicion of rape’. He will find it very difficult to get this removed as it would be an accurate record of police actions, and it will come to light if he applies for any job requiring an enhanced DBS check,

REignbow · 28/10/2022 15:17

Oh gosh I’m so sorry that this happened to you. This is not your fault.

What an evil man he is.

Please ignore the less than supportive posts (to those posters wind your neck in! This is the reason why men like him think that this is okay)

Montague22 · 28/10/2022 17:07

Well done, you’ve done amazingly well. You will be okay 💐

Notcoolmum · 28/10/2022 17:44

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Maray1967 · 28/10/2022 18:55

So sorry - you’ve done the right thing in seeking medical help.

Shittytittybangbang · 28/10/2022 19:05

I am very sorry. This man is a criminal- he treated you very badly.

Lmgify · 31/10/2022 08:44

Just want to say I’m thinking about you. Hope you’re physically feeling better and you have a good support network in real life to support you through this difficult time. Many virtual hugs for you xxx

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Really sore after drunken night *MNHQ adding content warning*

Really sore after drunken night MNHQ adding content warning