Can men sense attraction

[girl71]

Just wanted to ask if attraction can be sensed? When two people are together and talking but not yet involved, is there an underlying something? I personally think it can .

How attuned actually are men to vibes from women? Women ( me) are generally intuitive but do men actually pick up how the woman feels when in early talking stages? Can men sense that a woman likes them. Is it that they do know and reciprocate in vibe kind and, that gives you the butterflies feeling and separates them from all other men in your mind .

@JustKittenAround - if you are going to throw around statements like “Men think x y z” then you need to be prepared to be contradicted by a man sharing first hand experience of what he actually thinks.

I’m damn sure you’d fall over yourself in your haste to tell me how wrong I was if I was foolish enough to start a post on here with the words “Women think x y z …”.

Even if I was partially right I’d have every woman who disagrees (rightly) pointing out where I was wrong and questioning what gave me such special insight into the inner workings of the female mind! I don’t think me indignantly replying with “well I’ve met lots of women so I know much more than you about how their minds work” would get me too far!

The same principle applies to your gross generalisations I’m afraid.

OK, would it help if we changed it to 'Many men appear to think'?
Given this isn't a court of law, but a forum for sharing opinion, its not unreasonable for women to share what they have concluded based on years of experience of male behaviour.
Of course you have the right to pop up and tell us thst doesn't apply to you personally, and none of us would argue with you about the workings of your own mind. It might surprise you to learn, we didn't have you as an individual in mind when posting.
You are not all men and cannot possibly know the workings of other men's minds either. In addition, you have no experience of being on the receiving end of men's overtures towards women (which is entirely different from saying 'ive met a lot of men') so have no basis whatsoever on which to tell us our conclusions are 'bollocks'.

@5128gap

Yes, very helpful thanks.

I’m sure you’ll be equally understanding the next time a man pops up here making negative generalisations about women based on his own experience of them - accepting that your own insight into your sex (based on your own interactions with them) cannot really compare to his lived experience as a man.

I’ll grab the popcorn to see how that goes down :-)

If a man wants to talk about his lived experiences of multiple women over several decades making moves on him, despite no indication of interest on his part; experiences that began in his early teens and continue into his middle age; that happen unexpectedly, in the street, on public transport, out socialising, and that can range from being mildly irritating to down right intimidating, then I'd be very interested in hearing from him. I'd also be very understanding if this had led him to certain less than positive conclusions about women's behaviour and motivation.

I think shouting down men on a thread about "can men sense..." is particularly stupid.

Clearly individuals vary. But generally I reckon men are both rubbish at recognising it, and prone to falsely spotting it if they do fancy someone.

Some men are more sensitive than others, but in general, in my experience, women often think that they have made their position crystal clear (without being explicit) while men have no idea of the implications of what she has said. Cue her being upset that he has blanked her and complete incomprehension from him

Miscommunication is the biggest problem in relationships. As i have got older I have become less concerned at playing games that involve trying to give a message while not making myself vulnerable. Just say what you feel and don't feel humiliated if they feel differently. Life is too short to be walking crabwise towards your goal and hoping that nobody notices

I don't this is the case, as if it's some rule of physics! You might both feel attraction, or he might be attracted to anyone in a skirt, or just like flirting, or just want to get you into bed. You will only know as it plays out. Good luck I hope it goes well!🙂

Oh i've just read to the bit where he's married.. that's a big ethical decision to consciously move forward then. You said you don't want to break a marriage up so I would think then it would go against your ethics to start anything..

This question about human behaviour is just another covert way for op to talk about a married man she is currently on the cusp of hoping to have an affair with.

You sound predative @girl71 and you have mentionitis.

What position would that be?

You fancy a man you work with. He has a wife and has told you so. He's suggested nothing to you with his actual words but you think you sense a vague "vibe". And you think that's a green light for an affair?

I don't think this "vibe" is anywhere near as meaningful as you seem to.

@gannett has it right. This isn't going to end well. Think less about how glorious the shag will be and more about how this is going to finish: a broken marriage? A child estranged from her father? You bitter because he hasn't chosen you? Him living with you but full of guilt? Months, years even, of sneaking around with a partner you can't introduce to your friends and family? You and/or he having to change jobs?

Or just a couple of happy, no strings shags, nobody hurt or any the wiser? Really? Do you think?

I appreciate that what i am about to say will be unpalatable for some, I am being honest with where i am.

I do not want a relationship, i have been happily divorced for 5 yrs, love my own owned home, love my own finances, love my freedoms now my children are not young. Do not want to be constrained by a relationship or having to check in with anyone all the time, ask permission to do things or have friends around; respond to txts or factor a partner in however many times a week as we have to "see" each other. I love going to bed at night and having it all to myself, i love going to bed and not have anyone paw at me for sex that i do not want. I love going to bed when i have chosen to share it with someone else and my children are at their Dad's. I do not sleep around and never ever with a married man but if i meet and like someone over a period of time, they stay over. Then they go home and i carry on with my life and they theirs until, they stay over again. He knows this about me, he knows i do not want a relationship, we have discussed it over months. I have specific plans for my future in a few years, which is why i will not attach to anyone now, he knows that. I have had 2 long fwb in 5 yrs, whom i knew very well and ofr yrs before.

I have been thinking about this yesterday and today . I spent time with him yesterday and again today. It is not my responsibility to police his actions. I do not want to split a marriage or separate children from their father, more importantly in this situation, their father from his children. I do not want weekends away, txts everyday, make demands or expect him to leave. In fact, i want him to stay. If he left , he would not be coming to me that's for sure. He is clear on this today.

I am very very attracted to him, he to me; i know that now. He is a good man , colleague, husband and father despite what you will think. This is new to him too. He is a nice guy and he loves his children. He would not be getting anywhere near me if he were not.

I know him and feel comfortable with him. It will happen, that is clear now. My friend's opinion is the only one that matters to me and my concern was her views on me; she has told me to do what makes me happy- no judgement. I value her advice and if it had been a no ,i would not be posting this now. Being intimate with him will make me happy , sleeping with him will make me happy and yes i know that is selfish. Maybe once maybe many times until, it fizzles out. I have no intention of breaking up a marriage however selfish that sounds . His marriage and its longevity is solely for him. Who is not to say he wont meet anyone in a few years and want to build a life with them? I said this will be unpalatable for some but i fancy him, we do have an attraction and i will sleep with him . I am free and single and that is the long and short of it. He makes his own choices and i make mine. He is responsible for his choices, not me.

@girl71

Why on earth did you bother to post then.

So you have your answer, yes he cottoned on you fancy him and you and your friend have given him permission to have extra marital sex with you with no strings attatched.

Sounds like a win win for you and him, not sure about the wife though.

Have you heard of non consensual sex via a third party.
His wife's consent to have sex with him is most likely on the basis that he is not having sex with others, therefor consent has been denied, or not attained.

In definition his wife is being raped through lack of consent.

I absolutely detest people who take other peoples consent and agency away from others.

You are party to this.

OP has this man actually said anything to you? You haven't been clear on that at all. You sense he's attracted to you (which may well be the case) and there's a "vibe" (which means nothing) but has he actually told you with his words that he wants to have no-strings sex with you?

"@ViolinPin Have you heard of non consensual sex via a third party.
His wife's consent to have sex with him is most likely on the basis that he is not having sex with others, therefor consent has been denied, or not attained.
In definition his wife is being raped through lack of consent".

No, not heard of that. I personally protect my own sexual health by using condoms and don't sleep around. Perhaps something for him to consider ?

@gannett yes.

Imagine if this vibe or connection is all in your head.... god that would be embarrassing for you after that very long message where you've convinced yourself its ok morally and it's what he wants!!

Why would a genuinely nice guy take up the offer of no strings attached sex with a colleague when it's a huge risk to his wife and children's security and happiness?
If you think its because you're so irresistible to him it's a one off out of character decision made just for you, you're probably wrong. That's not to be offensive to you, but nice guys tend to be faithful regardless of temptation.
Its more likely one of two things.
Either he really isn't a nice guy, or, he's a weak, bored middle aged man who's had his head turned by the first a bit of attention he's had in years. Either way it may not go as smoothly as you think. You might end up seeing that not so nice side, or he may develop feelings and become clingy.
Whichever, I don't fancy the odds of it going as smoothly as you think. Is he really worth the potential hassle?

"@ViolinPin So you have your answer, yes he cottoned on you fancy him".

No, i cottoned on he fancied me.

"@5128gap Why would a genuinely nice guy take up the offer of no strings attached sex with a colleague when it's a huge risk to his wife and children's security and happiness?".

Ask him!

Haven't you?

@5128gap @girl71
"@5128gap Why would a genuinely nice guy take up the offer of no strings attached sex with a colleague when it's a huge risk to his wife and children's security and happiness?".

Ask him?
Haven't you?

No.

I'm surprised you're not curious. Either he's a nice decent guy, or he's going to sleep another woman behind his wifes back. Both can't usually be true at the same time, can they? I'd be curious as to the extenuating circumstances that made him an exception.