Where did you find love in later life, after divorce?

[middleagedmummytotwo]

I was married for many years and have been divorced for 5. I've been on dates, but no one has really taken my fancy!

Any stories of 'love after divorce' in later life?

Nothing to add, but sitting waiting for some tips :)

I met DP on Tinder. But I also met some right weirdos 😂.

I think with Christmas coming up, it's made me realize that I'll be on my own yet again ! Other friends who divorced at similar times are already remarried!

Met my second husband on match.com around 18 months after getting divorced. Married him 5 years later. I was in my early 40's at the time.

Met my now partner through mutual friends. I was 25 years married then divorced and single for about 2 years when we got together.

I’m not yet divorced but have been separated for four years after a 20 year relationship.

I went on match and met dp and we’ve been together 3 1/2 years. I was lucky as he was the third out of only five men I dated.

I also joined meet-up and went to some events but that was because after years of being a wife and mum I wanted to be the old me and I suppose learn how to have conversations again. I think I’d been in a bit of a bubble only talking to mum friends about our kids.

I met my DP using OLD a year after my husband of 20 years moved out. I had only dated a couple of people very briefly before finding DP. We are both divorced/separated in our late 40s. We are deeply in love and can't believe our luck in finding each other. It can happen!

I divorced in my late 30s

Next LTR: met via an ex-colleague who introduced us as she thought we'd get on
Next LTR: met at a party (friend of a friend)
Next LTR: he approached me via MySpace (social media was a novelty at the time)
Each of these relationships had major snags, but I learned a lot.

Now happily married to someone I met at a music festival when I was in my 50s

Work colleague, late forties, been married 7 years now.

66 divorced 2 years, left xh after 40 years. Still looking and agree there are some real weirdos on the sites. Different ones 'cos I'm in France.

Tinder

For those that did find someone later in life, did you have to compromise some of your 'ideal list? My deal breakers are - smoking, drugs, very young children, overweight, financially unstable, not obsessive about golf, football or cycling. Doesn't seem like there are many available men after this list!

At work - Either colleagues or friends of colleagues and their extended social circles. Or, trades and services that come in to do work regularly and they get to know you .

Workmen at the house - Had a very nice time once with a chap from Eastern Electricity Board . Also went on dates with the chap who laid my patio.

Social- going out with friends, running club. Going out with friends from work, meeting or blind dates with their friends or their extended single family etc.

Never been on a dating site in all my 50 yrs, never will.

Divorced and on my own for 5 years uninterested. Thought I'd stay on my own but then decided to give OLD a go. Late 50s
Met a couple of nice guys but no attraction and a few saddest who wanted a woman to save them them met a fantastic bloke. Not overweight, doesn't smoke, easy to be with. Feel very much in love. Been together 7 months so hope it continues

I met someone at my local pub through a mutual friend! Ask your friends if they know anyone you might like!

The key is op ,to get to know someone. I am not an instant attraction person. I can meet someone and not fancy them at all, in fact i can not fancy someone for months or ever but, see that they are nice looking. I see others crooning over them and i just don't ever get it.

But, getting to know someone over time, in a natural environment, an attraction builds in me. Their smile, their banter, the way they look at me, their values, their sense of fun. This is why most of my key relationships have been formed at work, including my current one. It really is about time and a realisation. This is what online will never have in my view, the time taken for that rip your clothes off attraction to build. Real world and slow build up every time.

I met DH through friends in our 40s. Earlier I'd been out with men I'd met at political social events (eg campaign fundraisers), through hobbies, at parties, on holiday, via lonely-hearts ads before OLD existed, or though other friends.

I'd recommend increasing your social circle by sampling lots of new activities which include a social element, being open to invitations, inviting acquaintances eg to go to the theatre or concert together, and letting all your friends know you'd like to meet someone. Conquer your shyness or embarrassment if necessary.

Don't stick too long with an activity that doesn't either fill you with joy or bring new people into your life.

Best of luck. My DH was worth waiting for, and importantly he feels the same way about me!

Three of my women friends over 50 all met a stranger quite accidentally and lived happily ever after until death did them part.

One sat beside him on a long distance train .

One met him at the school where they both taught

One of them joined an Art course where he was the tutor.

I suspect you'd be looking for different things than what you were looking for when in your 29s (ie marriage and children) which probably results in many women lowering their standards in order to get the 'social status' and the children.

My friends who are divorced tell me OLD is rather grim, and it's hard to meet a single man in the real world.

I also suspect many women post divorce 'settle' in a different way now, to avoid loneliness but wouldn't admit it in the real world.

2nd DH - at work. I was late 30s.
Current DP (2nd DH died) - online. I was mid 40s.

I split from my husband at 40 after 17 years together ten years ago .. gave up with OLD and then started a relationship with someone I’d known for years who turned out to be an absolute head f**k .. cheated and gaslighted me so I decided to embrace single life and a year late as I was feeling fairly content with my lot and three years off fifty .. met someone through my industry 14 years younger than me and we are now getting married next April .. ☺️

I was in my mid forties when I got divorced. At the time I was a volunteer adviser at the Citizens Advice Bureau. One of my clients was a woman ten years my junior who came in for advice on her employment contract. I found her really attractive, but I thought that she would see nothing in me.

I moved soon after our meeting to a new home about 80 miles away and had some enjoyable times on OLD while giving little thought to my former client. However, she kept in touch via occasional postcards and messages and after a year we met again. I began to think that for some reason she might indeed find me attractive (I am not great at reading the signals that people send out, by the way). The situation now is that we are together after almost twenty years and we have never been happier.

The moral of the story is that potential partners can be met anywhere, at any time, probably when one least expects it. My advice would be to try all sorts of new experiences and to be open to possibilities. OLD can be great, especially for those of us who are not of the age to hang around in bars and night clubs, but it isn't the only solution for those of us searching for a partner.

I think this is excellent advice.

Two more top tips from me would be:

Make sure your first priority is to learn to be happy alone, so that if you do meet someone one day that's just the cherry on the cake.

Make a list of all the qualities you want and don't want. When you meet a potential candidate, don't be afraid to ask "control questions" to suss out how closely they match up with your list. Otherwise, it can be tempting to join up the dots in a rather optimistic way before you really know someone, and it's harder to admit snags once you've started getting emotionally invested.

Divorced in 2020, met dh on match.com and he proposed 9 days later.
We've been married a year now and we are so happy.
I think I've been really lucky though, he's too good to be true.

Not at all. Altho he does like football.... he doesn't go to matches tho just likes to watch his team when they play. But if we have plans he just records it so that's not so bad.

He ticked all my boxes and far more than exh. I met him when I was 40