Partner never wants to dance with me...

[extrapineappleonmypizza]

As the title says really...

I don't go out very often, but on the rare occasion that we're out together (Christmas Party, someone's wedding, a concert/gig, few drinks in town, being on holiday) he absolutely refuses to dance with me.
Over the years, it's really started to get me down and I'll admit that after a few drinks, I can get quite down about it and just want to go home.

We just sit at the side or stand at the bar while everyone else is having a good time together.
Obviously, I'll dance by myself most of the time, but there are some songs/parts of the evening when it's supposed to be 'dancing with someone'.

On holiday, where we don't know anyone else, we just sit and watch from the sidelines. I dread it.

I'm actually considering asking someone else if they'll be my dance partner!

Is it just me?

Some people don’t like dancing. If it means that much to you, then you need a new partner!

Yes, it's you. This is such a tiny thing to moan about if it's only on rare occasions.

Obviously, I'll dance by myself most of the time.

I honestly can't see what your issue is, unless you want to be slow-dancing at the end of the night? Go to a gig with your mates instead.

On holiday, where we don't know anyone else, we just sit and watch from the sidelines. I dread it

Dread what? Complete strangers not caring whether you're dancing on not? I'm really confused.

He doesn't like dancing so he doesn't. Don't make it into a thing, just dance with friends or family or alone.

I'm sure there's plenty of things you don't like doing that he does.

To drag a non dancer up on the dance floor would probably kill them 😂

You must have known this from early doors, how long have you been together ?

The only suggestion I could make is to sign up to actual dance classes to increase their confidence, otherwise you have to accept they do not enjoy dancing.

I hate dancing, and I hate when people try to make me dance.

It depends how much dancing means to you I suppose. I think a lot of women have male partners who don’t dance.

I get it, OP!

It's a couple thing, and you feel like you aren't a couple in those situations. It's like going to an event and being the only singleton.

Everyone else is up and dancing, and you and your DP are sat like wallflowers. Can't even talk, because you have to shout over the music. Feels like you look like a pair of killjoys.

It's quite a powerful bonding activity, not unlike sex.

Can you tell I've been there?

In what way does he not want to dance? Is it because people are looking? Is it because he doesn't 'get' music so doesn't feel any inclination to move to it? Does he dance with you at home?

There are other ways you can bond- feeding each other, massage etc.

Can't do those at a party, though! When everyone else is dancing, you could have a smooch instead, if that's appropriate?

It's a sad gap, I have to say. I really miss it. But you can't have everything.

I absolutely hate dancing. If we're at an evening/holiday where people are dancing we're usually sat chatting to each other. Not dancing doesn't have to mean sitting there being miserable.

Most men absolutely HATE dancing.
We are convinced that we look like idiots 🤣

If it's really important to you, then try getting him to practise dancing in your kitchen or somewhere...

Grow up, if he is an otherwise all round decent chap, then you need to get a grip. Quite frankly.

My husband of 34 years doesn't dance but he is a keeper, solid, dependable and utterly loyal.

If everything else in your relationship is good then you sound like a bit of a spoilt brat. TBH

Yeah, telling people to "grow up" always does the trick, right? 🙄

Thanks @picklemewalnuts, I appreciate your support.

I'm not a spoilt brat to whoever said that! If we go somewhere where part of the experience is to dance, it would be nice if my other half would give ten minutes of his time to give me a couple of dances.

I'm not asking for the world!

We've been together for more than a decade and he has danced with me on a couple of occasions. We're getting married next year and I'm not expecting even a quick shuffle for a first dance. I just won't bother to ask. We'll just tell the DJ it's not happening.

But in my opinion, that's a bit shit.

For a couple dance all he has to do is stand there, put his arms around you and sway/shuffle a bit. It really doesn’t seem much to ask.

Can he explain why he can’t or won’t do this, given that he knows it’s important to you?

Yes, I get it too, love dancing. Imagine my disappointment when my new husband wouldn't dance at our wedding, and he did ballroom dancing at competition level until he was 15!!

Current hubby won't dance either but I did have a bf who loved dancing with me in his arms. He is an ex bf though so it's not all about dancing.

Perhaps you could find another 'wallflower' girl when you're out and dance with her ( to avoid awkwardness of it being another male iyswim). And I'd advise going to a dance class/club to satisfy your dance urge. I used to do ceilidh dancing at our local Irish club and it was fab 👍

Also ignore the goady posters, seems to be a few of them about just now. 🙄🙄

I'm not asking for the world!

You are, actually. If someone hates dancing, it's excruciatingly embarrassing to do so.

Well, he asks me to do a bunch of shit I don't want to do and it usually lasts much longer than the length of a song!

I'd put money on the fact that it's not about neglecting you, but that it just makes him feel incredibly self conscious and uncomfortable.

How would you feel if he said "hey, just come and be on our football team this Sunday. Don't worry about the fact that you haven't kicked a ball since you were five, just do your best and have fun...."

If he thinks he can't do it right, ask him if he'd like to learn to do it right. 😃

So stop. He has a very clear boundary, make sure you have your own boundaries. Don’t marry him while the relationship is like this.

I hate dancing almost as much as I hate people trying to bully me into dancing. I'm on team DP here.

What?! I can't believe everyone shaming OP. If it's important to you, why. Any your husband make an exception and push himself for you?? Why is it OP's responsibility only to deal with it? Marriage is about compromise

Mine would be the same, but that's fine. Couples dancing together is a bit cheesy, tbh, so happy to avoid the embarrassment.

Why not tell him that you would like to have a first dance at your wedding and ask to take some private dance classes together before hand so he won't feel self conscious on the day? If he feels like he knows what he's doing he might be more enthusiastic...?

I do get it and I'm sure it's frustrating. But I am him... I cannot stand dancing and the thought of DP or anyone trying to make me dance absolutely horrifies me to the point where I'd probably cry 🤣

I am female but absolutely refuse to dance. I don't want to look like an idiot.

You're in the wrong here. Stop trying to force him.

My DH doesn't do dancing unless it's a ceilidh. Most men I know aren't keen. Me I love a dance but each to their own.