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Relationships

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Original poster

Partner never wants to dance with me...

87 replies

extrapineappleonmypizza · 23/10/2022 14:58

As the title says really...

I don't go out very often, but on the rare occasion that we're out together (Christmas Party, someone's wedding, a concert/gig, few drinks in town, being on holiday) he absolutely refuses to dance with me.
Over the years, it's really started to get me down and I'll admit that after a few drinks, I can get quite down about it and just want to go home.

We just sit at the side or stand at the bar while everyone else is having a good time together.
Obviously, I'll dance by myself most of the time, but there are some songs/parts of the evening when it's supposed to be 'dancing with someone'.

On holiday, where we don't know anyone else, we just sit and watch from the sidelines. I dread it.

I'm actually considering asking someone else if they'll be my dance partner!

Is it just me?

OP posts:

wombat1a · 28/10/2023 02:16

Totally team DP on this one, DP hates dancing, in the 25+ years we've been together I have never seen him on the dance floor. We didn't even dance at our wedding. I'd never try to force him so I just dance with the girls - which honestly is probably more fun anyway.

WandaWonder · 28/10/2023 02:19

No way on this planet would I dance but my husband knows this so why would you keep on insisting then get upset about it

junbean · 28/10/2023 03:45

I would ask someone else! It's harmless! Why miss out?

EarWigJo · 28/10/2023 04:03

To quote a popular MN phrase: "No" is a complete sentence.

I'm with your partner - I absolutely hate dancing.

I was relentlessly bullied throughout my formative years and it left me completely petrified of any sort of public display / public speaking / etc.

I'm fine attending public events, as long as I'm not one of the attractions!

Being dragged up to dance, usually by some live-wire from the other family, takes me right back to those horrible times I hoped I'd left behind 30 years ago.

I realise that my circumstances may be quite niche and not applicable to your partner.

But I'm telling this as a "please don't" in case anybody reading this recognises themselves as one of those "bubbly" (read "irritating") people who think they're adding sparkle to the event by getting everybody onto the dance floor and "having fun".

PunchyJudy · 28/10/2023 05:02

Do people actually dance with partners these days

pinkdelight · 28/10/2023 05:14

Dance with your friends. It's totally legit for him to not dance and not embarrassing to be a non-dancing couple - way more cringe to be a enforcing being a dancing couple with a dp who hates it. It's a very particular thing that is not for a lot of people and it's too much to ask. Like making someone sing on karaoke when they're not up for it. Let him be and enjoy dancing with people who enjoy dancing. It's really not in the spirit of dancing to do it with people who hate it.

Boymum2104 · 28/10/2023 05:43

There is a piece in the show 'after life' about this & it hits really hard.

Indiseven · 28/10/2023 06:09

I totally get where you’re coming from OP, I love dancing and when my partner and I are at weddings or occasions where dancing is involved we both enjoy getting up to dance together. I would find it very depressing and frustrating to want to dance but not be able to.

i suppose it depends on his reasons for not dancing. If he genuinely dreads it and can explain his feelings to you about this, I think I’d accept it, but if he just can’t be bothered to put himself out a little for you, I’d find this difficult, especially as you say you have to do things to please him that you don’t want to do.

It would be good to have some more info but I completely sympathise with your situation .

BitofaStramash · 28/10/2023 06:16

I've been with my DH for 25 years and I think he's danced with me 5 times and some of those were at our wedding.

Dancing is not for everyone.

obje · 28/10/2023 06:16

Tbh I think if that's the biggest issue in your relationship you've got it pretty damn good!!

StaringAtTheSunset · 28/10/2023 06:34

I suppose it depends why he doesn’t. If it’s just that he can’t be bothered, would rather just get drunk or something, then he should make the effort as it’s important to you.

Personally, it’s important to me and luckily my partner loves to dance at any opportunity.

A relative of ours will never dance with his wife as he thinks it’s embarrassing and it looks stupid. I would struggle with that mentality, like he looks so cool standing at the side with a moody face. He’s always aware of how he looks to others, he wouldn’t even sing nursery rhymes/songs with his kids or be silly with them because of how he looked.

RantyAnty · 28/10/2023 06:57

I would think he'd care more about making you happy than being stubborn.

I could never marry a man who can't dance, and I didn't.

cuckyplunt · 28/10/2023 07:00

25 years, I’ve put up with this problem, it’s not so bad!

C1N1C · 28/10/2023 07:44

Pulling a non-dancer onto the dance floor, and/or making them feel guilty about it is like pulling someone afraid of heights to the top of a mountain and/or making them feel guilty about it.

PrinceHaz · 28/10/2023 08:08

I think he’s annoying you that much that you should consider not marrying. Your comment about him expecting you to do ‘a bunch of other shit’ suggests that you’re fed up with him.

BettyPhuckzer · 28/10/2023 08:13

He has clear boundaries, you don't

Perhaps if you started to be more clearly boundaried yourself, you'd feel the relationship was more balanced

Sethos · 28/10/2023 08:23

Zombie thread.

So did you marry him, @extrapineappleonmypizza?

Oblomov23 · 28/10/2023 08:53

I got it. It's quite important to me too, so it was something I looked for in Dh.
But it's too late now. If you've talked to Dh about it and he understands but doesn't want to even do a once a year 5 minute bop, what can you do?
Just dance alone. It will satisfy you enough hopefully.

igetwhatyoumean · 28/10/2023 09:00

I totally forgot I'd ever started this thread! Name changed since!
I got some heat from other posters, didn't I?! 😂

We got married a few weeks ago and we had a few dances together. It was lovely and the videos and photos I've seen from friends are brilliant - he's actually a much better dancer than me! I danced all night and my feet hurt for days!

Rocknrollstar · 28/10/2023 09:06

DH won’t dance. I’m sure he used to when we first met. Now I just make the most of it when I am out or away without him. To be honest, if we are at a wedding together I will just head for the dance floor and leave him to it. I used to sit and watch with him but realise I wasted a lot of dancing time. I didn’t realise how important dancing was to me. That may sound silly, but I really enjoy it and feel better for it even if I am no longer the best dancer on the floor.

lashy · 28/10/2023 09:33

Many years ago; I had wonderful long term boyfriend who wouldn't dance (said he couldn't, and didn't like trying).
I felt a bit at those moments when it seems all the other couples are dancing; however, danced with my mates when ever I could, but did feel a bit sad when he was sat at the side, often on his own. He didn't mind though. I would frequently pop back to him.
At a mutual friends engagement, a work colleague tried to drag him up to dance, he refused, she called him a 'boring c*nt'. What a cow. (No longer a friend). He was understandably upset. There was no need for that nastiness. He was my boyfriend and I loved him and never would have left him over that one thing he didn't do, no matter how much I wished he did.
In the grand scheme of things, it's not really important.

MWNA · 28/10/2023 09:47

You sound so petulant! 🤣
Poor bloke.

SallyWD · 28/10/2023 09:49

I hate dancing! And I hate people trying to make me dance! Leave your poor partner alone and go dancing with friends.

DoratheFlora · 28/10/2023 10:11

My Mum complained about my Dad like this for YEARS. It was so bloody tiring and I felt pretty sorry for him. He just didn't want to dance. It wasn't his thing. He never stopped her dancing.

Does he have other redeeming qualities? Is it a deal breaker? If it is then you need to consider leaving because he's not going to change. The only thing you can change is you.

My DH doesn't dance but it really doesn't concern me. It's a very small issue in the grand scheme of things because he's great in so many other ways.

BigFatLiar · 28/10/2023 11:23

My husbands a terrible dancer. But we still dance together, sometimes simply in the living room when an old favourite is playing. We go to the odd tea dance. When we started going out together he'd hardly touch me (perhaps he thought I'd break) then one rainy Saturday afternoon he took me to a dance studio and we had a couple of hours lessons. I really enjoyed it and when I asked what had made him think of it he said it was an excuse to hold me. He's not a jumping around type dancer, still says it's a good excuse for a cuddle to music.

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