Why Is DH watching that?

[Autumnalflower]

I went to browse something on dh phone today & as I went onto safari it was on private & a porn site was open & a blank screen. I stupidly said oh why’s it on private and he quickly said oh let me have a look. His reply was it must have Gone on private with the vpn - it does that!

now I’m not stupid & really don’t believe that! It’s shocked me & I haven’t approached it with him that I saw the porn site!

I don’t know how I feel about it, am I overreacting?

Yes. The majority of men (and women) watch porn at some point in their lives.

Agree.

Stop snooping! 😂

If you're not happy with him watching porn then you aren't overreacting.
Everyone is different, some people are fine with it in their relationship and others aren't.
He obviously was shocked and panicked when you said about it being on private so probably is aware that you wouldn't be happy with him watching it.
I think you'll need to talk to him about it unless it doesn't bother actually bother you

You're shocked that DH watches porn????!!!!! Seriously?

You could always suggest you watch it with him?

Depends, have you had a conversation about porn use and mutually agreed not to do it? If so, not overreacting.

If you've never discussed it then, yes, overreacting. Seems every man out there watches porn, and most women too. But if it's a deal-breaker for you now is the time to have a conversation about it.

I'm surprised that you never had a discussion with him about this?

Maybe now's a good time ?

And forget all the rubbish about "all men watch porn you should be OK with that". They don't and you don't have to be.

What do you mean why is he watching it, even a young teen knows the answer to this? Genuinely do you not understand why men could possibly chose to watch porn?

You’d be hard pressed to find one with average libido and above who hasn’t. You’d easily find millions who lie about it though.

I’ve never been with a man that hasn’t watched porn, it’s hardly unusual.

It's hardly shocking that some men and women watch porn.

However, if you've had a conversation about it and made him promise never to do it, I can understand why you're pissed off.

A very large majority of the women in porn are trafficked or doing it under coercion (including economic coercion).

people who get off on porn will almost certainly at some point have got off on a woman being coerced and raped.

as well as the individual damage - porn dehumanises women and girls and distorts peoples understanding of female sexual pleasure and womens rights when having sex.

the impact on teenage girls of porn is catastrophic. And it is also deeply harmful to boys.

porn is not victimless entertainment.

And yep here are all the - well it’s just what men do.

Rape culture hey - whatchyagonnado am I right?

A lot of men and women do not watch porn. Have you had a conversation with him discussing what both of your views on porn are?

As others have said you’re allowed to have boundaries around porn. But has this ever been discussed?

If you've had a reaction, you can't help that.

It'd be naive to think your male partner doesn't watch porn because let's face it the majority do, but if you have issues with it that's fine two so you aren't "overreacting" as you put it. Not at all.

Personally I cannot stand porn sites, and as a "hobby" it's worrying because it basically lures blokes in to darker and weirder things because you stop getting the right hit from the normal stuff.

I've watched porn. I was into car scenes for a bit then got into gang bang scenes before I understood that the videos are all fucking depressing rubbish and I just needed to get out of my depression! I'm female though. It's more addictive for men.

Maybe this will be of interest OP : fightthenewdrug.org/why-its-degrading-to-say-that-men-need-porn/

I understand you being a bit shocked if it's something you've never discussed but it's completely normal. Unless he was watching it very often or watching anything very unusual then I wouldn't be concerned.

My dh rarely watches porn, he used to watch it a lot as a teenager but now only likes watching it on the occasions we both watch it together. I've probably watched it more than him over the last few years.

Oh, it’s so fucking depressive how porn has taken this much control of people.
I donmt understand how anyone can overlook the misogyny.

Op, you are aloud to have boundaries, does he know?
Tell him. But honestly, men tend to lie - he could just hide it mire if he is a watcher.
A lot of porn watcher don’t care - about women or thei partners - it’s that selfish.

Reddit has ’love after porn’, you can check that out. Be warned though, it’s pretty sad.

@Moro93 it may be normalised - thst doesn’t make it normal or healthy

porn is unbelievably harmful to the women and girls being raped to produce it and to the people watching it who then then it is normal to watch the bodies of women and girls be used for the sexual pleasure of others.

your views are reprehensible

finding it sexual arousing to watch a woman or girls body being penetrated when she is experiencing non pleasure herself - and in the vast majors of cases is experiencing actual pain, fear and coercion (including economic coercion) is repulsive

that many men and some women are like this does
not make it okay

porn is not victimless

Regardless of what the MN hive mind says, what do YOU feel about it?

He's watching porn. Probably to have a wank. How does that make YOU feel? Everyone is different and has different things they are OK with. But it's ok if you don't think this is OK.

I would be more annoyed about the lying rather than what he was watching.

@Anydaynowonewouldhope Thanks but I don't really care what opinion you have on my views.

There may be a lot of cases like this in the porn industry, but not always. There are many, many women who get enjoyment out of it. Who only do solo porn of themselves masturbating without any partners. Most of this is amateur so they aren't being coerced, why do you think Only Fans is so popular? A lot of women feel empowered by it.

I don't just enjoy watching ''a woman or girls body being penetrated'', I actually enjoy watching lesbian, gay and solo porn as well. Your views on that probably aren't great but oh well.

I do agree with this comment. While everyone has different views regarding porn, it comes down to what you think. While watching porn is normal to a lot of people, having boundaries in a relationship is completely allowed. If this is something that is a boundary for you OP, then you need to have an open discussion about it.

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TTCBBY3 · Today 21:22
You're shocked that DH watches porn????!!!!! Seriously?“

I would be too. I don’t and I don’t think he does either (unless watching Game of Thrones together counts 😁).
If you’re sexually compatible and very satisfied after 34 year together, as we are, why would you need to?
We each have open access to all areas of our lives. Neither of us bother looking at the other’s though. Pretty sure neither would find anything disturbing even if we did.
Maybe we’re unusual, though I don’t suppose we are.
Most contented people don’t bother posting on SM about it.