Practical help with children from ‘new’ partner?

[LochNessMagician]

I have been seeing my partner for just over 2 years. We live separately but close by. He has children similar ages to mine from his previous marriage (tweens). He has his kids one night a week and every other weekend. I have my children full time. I have no family support nearby and a busy- hard job, I rely on expensive childcare and favours from friends to get by. One of my children is very sporty and I spend a lot of time ferrying him to and from training and matches. My partner will help me, but only if I get stuck. He’s kind and good natured and been honest about being a selfish and needing time to himself to pursue his own sport which he says keeps him sane. He says he finds the children overwhelming and struggles with parenting (hence he has outsourced most of his to his ex- who he pays grandly to do so. This seems to suit them both, as such she only has to work p/t). I get very resentful that he can’t seem to help me more. He doesn’t do the pick up from brownies or any of the regular taxi runs. Most of the time I’m run completely ragged. What is normal in this situation? How much help should I expect?

You're so naive @Sunshineandflipflops .

Fathers who only want to see their kids a couple of times a week are crap fathers. Full stop.
Parenting is a full time job, every day crammed full of mundane meal making, clothes washing, reading to them, dressing them, clothing them, making sure they're brushing their teeth, cuddles and comfort, bedtimes, homework, sorting out their clubs and activities the list is endless. Dipping in and out of all of this a couple of times a week does not make for a good parent regardless of how "common" "usual" or "normal" it is.

It was quite common during thr 17th century to burn women at the stake for not having children, calling them witches. Thousands died.
Is that ok because it was common?

You need to give your silly head a wobble.

They aren't his children, and you're being unrealistic and unfair in expecting your bloke to help out with them. Where is the father of your children?

I did not get personal in my post and it's a shame that you felt you needed to.

I'm not sure how you propose you co-parent with someone after divorce yet both see the dc 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. That's not an arrangement I am aware of. One parent is almost always going to have less contact with the children than the other. You do you though. Me, my dc and my ex have an arrangement that has worked for us all for 5 years and are all very happy. He will be here at the drop of a hat if I or the dc need him when they are with me and vice versa and is at the other end of a phone/message most days.

I will leave this thread here because I know what I meant by my post and I'm sorry you didn't and have got angry and aggressive over it. I refuse to get into an argument with a stranger online. Enjoy your day.

@Sunshineandflipflops I get what what you mean. Enjoying a pastime, whether it’s football, fishing, or gaming doesn’t make a bad dad. You can do this and still be a good father.

However, as you say, if he’s putting hobbies first and not taking care of his children. That’s a different situation.

Oh yes, I totally get it if a dad said ‘the kids live with mum more for xyz reasons but I do abc to support them and prioritise them etc.’ But he openly admits he ‘outsources’ them because he’s selfish and needs time for his hobbies. He also says he ‘pays her grandly’ to do it (when in fact he’s likely just paying for his children). Of course we’re only hearing it through the eyes of op who seems to want him to be a dad to her kids too! So it’s of course possible that he’s in fact a good dad and she is mistaking it.

100% agree. The bar is so low, the bare minimum is considered 'good parenting'.

I WFH during school hours, so I do all the care for my children 5 days a week, including tutoring, clubs, etc. And I still manage to do yoga and play Badminton every week.

He sounds like he's got his life exactly where he wants it:

Minimal parenting
Good job
Interesting hobbies
Plenty of time socialise
Girlfriend on tap (who's also incredibly busy looking after her children - leaving him with very few demands in his time).

The fact he does the minimal for his own children he isn't going to be helping you out with yours.
If you are looking for a 'partner' his not your guy, sounds more like a boyfriend/FWB to me.
It would make sense to ask him where he sees this relationship going, he's taking up all your previous spare time, it would be good to understand if he's worth the investment.
I suspect he doesn't want anything to change, but you do?

I'm really surprised that you think he should be a taxi service for your kids when he can't really be bothered with his own