Can I ask something from people who has had multiple partners?

[CantAskAnyoneElse]

If you have been with quite a few people (just to be clear this isin’t about ”shaming” anyone about ”numbers! this is not about that at all) does that make people less important to you?
Like you have had this person and that person, this person was like this and that person was like that .
Does it just becomes kind of a blur of people?
As in ”okey I’m not with this person, whatever, been there done that”.

I know I’m not coming off very clear.
It’s just that I’m late to dating, I actually had a thread about a guy some weeks ago and people encouraged me to go on a date with him and we’ve now been on a few date, nothing serious, but I know he’s been with quite a lot of women (fair enough) and I’m just worried that I’ll just be a number.

Do people / (possible) relationships become meaningless to those who have a pretty long list of exes or other kinds of ”partners”?

Dp and I have touched on this topic. I have great memories and view my previous long-term/ relationships as an experience neither negative nor positive.
He on the other hand has zero memories of his ex-wife or his ex fiances and they cover over 20 yrs.
What he does have though is a blur of women when he was single and 1 or 2 that are at the forefront of his mind constantly. One in particular springs to mind.

Ex fiancé not fiancés.

How do you know? Honestly your posts are bizarre

Op, do you have any issues processing emotions? Your posts are not typical at all

@cultkid
No problems with ’processing emotions’, what a weird thing to ask.

I do like to dive deep into stuff, that’s true. I don’t like to stay on surface level.

How do I know what? That he bounces back?
It was right there in that very post. His a friend of a friend, seen him around for few years.
He has always bounced back from break up’s and pretty soon moved on the next.

I don’t think you’re in a position to call anything ‘a weird thing to ask’. Show some self awareness.

And you’re not diving deep into anything. You are refusing to engage with what’s being said to you or actually examine your own issues that have brought this to the fore. You have very much stayed on the surface level, repeating the exact same refrain over and over again in the face of any information you receive. Again, self awareness is key.

You are more than welcome to have that view.
Just because we see it differently doesn’t make it surface level.

People just haven’t given much to go on, surely you can see that.
Already half of the answers are about if ex’s fades in to the past - I didn’t ask that.
Then there is details about sex - did not ask about that.
Then comments about having multiple pets and loving them all the same. This is not true to me at all. I grew up with dogs, I love dog in general, but one of them was the most important to me, the love was not the same or it was not on same level at all. I don’t think I’ll ever feel that love or care ever again.
SO that theory is busted.
A lot of people projected and got defensive all of a sudden.
Really not much to go by.

Already half of the answers are about if ex’s fades in to the past - I didn’t ask that.
Then there is details about sex - did not ask about that.

So what are you asking? Because people have obviously thought it was about those things.

My disagreement doesn’t make it surface level, no. Which is why it’s fortunate I didn’t say it did. I’m going to copy/paste here, as - true to form - you didn’t engage with what was said to you.

You are refusing to engage with what’s being said to you or actually examine your own issues that have brought this to the fore. You have very much stayed on the surface level, repeating the exact same refrain over and over again in the face of any information you receive.

You have been given dozens of quite detailed responses, providing any reasonable person with quite a lot to go on. However, as said information doesn’t tally with what you want to hear, you’re disregarding it. If that isn’t glaringly apparent to you upon reading this thread, then - again - you need to do some serious work on your self awareness.

The answers you have received have been in response to what you asked. If you wanted different answers, you should have phrased your OP differently. This has also been explained to you multiple times.

The fact that you think multiple people saying the same thing to you are all projecting/misunderstanding/defensive, as opposed to examining your own behaviour is, again, indicative of poor self awareness.

I have no doubt that you will skim this, take none of it onboard and respond to a random sentence out of context. Which makes me wonder, for the third time, what you hope to achieve with this thread.

I didn't mean loved them all exactly the same, but for me, I've had a few cats - they were different characters and some were perhaps closer to my heart than others, but I loved them all.

When I was due with my second child, I was terrified that I couldn't love them as much as my first. It turned out to be an unfounded fear because of course I could. Because capacity to love isn't finite, in my experience.

I don't know, maybe you're a one-dog person and can never love another like you loved that one (although at 29, you've a long way to get through your life to say that definitively), and maybe if you fall in love with someone, there'll also never be another for you. I think it would make you quite unusual but hey, all human life...

Ask the question again op - what is it that you want to know?

I know I’m not coming off very clear
This is what you said in your first post, so can you make your question a bit clearer?

Ive had about 30 sexual partners, mostly in my late teens and early 20s and mostly one night stands.

To be honest no, I don't remember all their names and they are a big blur.

However I do remember the people I had dates with. My current OH of 14 years was my first actual relationship. The ones that came before him were nothing.

Do people / (possible) relationships become meaningless to those who have a pretty long list of exes or other kinds of partners

No

which is the answer most people have given.

I already answered this in my comments, I’m scared that if I do it again, I’ll be accused of not listening what I’ve been told and keep repeating myself, apperently.

Anyway, if you're not enamoured of this bloke, what is the point?

Are you just wanting someone to settle down with and just want to be sure they're going to love you best?

Jesus Christ.

You've repeated what you don't want to know - I think we're clear on that now. But you haven't made it clear what you do want to know.

One thing I do know is the best relationships are with those you can communicate well with, be it a one night stand or a relationship that lasts years. Going by this thread, communication is what you will need to work on.

OP oxytocin always feels good, no matter who it's with. Humans are capable of bonding with another human and feeling that hormone. They can also bond again with another human. When that happens, it doesn't matter who you've bonded with before, no matter how special it was at the time. It's a hormone thing. Your feel it with your kids, you can feel it with your pets in another way. All hormones

You can't worry about whether you will become just another notch on the bedpost, you have to take a chance with it. Enjoy it for what it is.

If you don't feel it then that person isn't right for you.

Are you just wanting someone to settle down with

Oh no, I’m not in a any kind of hurry. I do want a loving partner, but I’m not on a time crunch and most definitely want someone independent who actually wants the person they are with, not someone just to fill empty space.

But anyway, we FT yesterday and I didn’t want to ignore my worries, so I brought it up with him.
Luckily he was much more willing to listen than people here and we had a pretty good chat about it and he said that we can take things slowly and that he wants me to feel comfortable.
And he actually opened up a bit about his parents and his brothers marriages, and that he feels they all kind of just did ”what they are supposed to do” and stay married out of fear.
It was a really good talk actually and I feel bit better now.

Luckily he was much more willing to listen than people here and we had a pretty good chat about it and he said that we can take things slowly and that he wants me to feel comfortable.

You've been so rude to people on this thread and again here.

If lots of people apparently misunderstand something you've said, it's sensible to assume that you've communicated it poorly rather than assuming they're all impatient / obtuse / unwilling to listen.

You've dismissed peoples personal stories, opinions and experiences saying they are irrelevant as they weren't what you were asking. But you weren't clear on what you were asking and this is a discussion forum. Discussions develop as humans interact with one another.

If you want answers that only fit into very neat boxes then maybe try survey monkey or something next time and offer multiple choice answers. Or just yes / no answers.

Your tone has been noted as rude by many people and again, instead of thinking they may have a point, you've told them they're wrong.

It's been very strange to watch.

i don’t think of sex with my exes once I’ve split up with them.

Thank you so much for your feedback@monsteramunch.

Luckily we (we as in the guy I’m seeing and I) did indeed managed to communicate and he was willing to listen and take my worrie into consideration and things are moving along.

Indeed, bizarre

Well how many times was I called rude or passive aggressive?
I didn’t want to go on hurtful finger pointing and answering to every response where they clearly haven’t read anything I said, some people chose to take it personal and act insulted - insisting I’m now ”shaming” others for ”number”, even though it clearly in the fir sentence that that’s not what I’m talking about.
How am I supposed to have an conversation with someone like that?

But once more, it’s been resolved in real life now, everything is fine out of MN, in fact would have been not ever even bothering here.

Utterly bizarre posts but glad you're all sorted then OP - no need for self reflection or considering whether people (who all felt the same about your communication style) may have a point. Good for you 👍🏻