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Original poster

Best way to tell my husband to move out...I've had enough of him

92 replies

ChristmasSnowCookie · 15/10/2022 10:18

We split up december 2020 and I am desperate to move on. I had to force him to get a job and since then, our benefits are based off of what he earns. He now gets more than me. This month he earnt more than usual and my payment was only just over 500. I have asked him to get our boys hair cuts and to buy them new mattresses. He said he can't afford new mattresses. I asked him what he spends his money on because we barely see any of it and he seems really annoyed. The only time he gives me any money is when I ask for money for food when I've run out and he doesn't always seem happy to give me this.

I've paid for all 3 of our children's birthdays recently and now will be paying for Christmas. I am going shopping today and buying my eldest clothes and toiletries he needs for his school trip as he's away for 2 nights, and our middle child some new jeans as he has grown out of all his others.

We got the government grant and recieved £324 and I was supposed to use this to make our home better but due to my ex still living here and not giving me much money I've had to use that on what my children need. We get the next bit next month which is £326 and then I'm splitting finances and telling him he has to move out.

He seems so mad at me whenever I ask him to provide for his children or suggest one of us moving out. He has threatened to kill himself multiple times and all this is taking a toll on my mental health. I feel awful as he has no one but at the same time, it needs to be done.

What's the best way to go about this. I've really tried to end this in the best way so we are still friends, but I'm really starting to hate this man as he is still here almost 2 years on. He's nothing like the man I married, I don't even know who he is anymore and I just want to live my life and be happy.

OP posts:
TrashyPanda · 15/10/2022 10:20

To be fair, lots of people couldn’t go out and buy mattresses on a few hours notice, but would have to budget for them.

MeowMeowPowerRangers · 15/10/2022 10:20

Is he saving his income to move out? Two years is a long time to play sitting duck.

Mmmmdanone · 15/10/2022 10:21

Do you own the house? He probably wants a good amount if money to move out and selling might be the only way. Have you seen a solicitor?

Tsort · 15/10/2022 10:21

Just tell him. There’s no magical knack to it. You’re done and you want him to leave.

Do you have a job?

Aprilx · 15/10/2022 10:23

I completely understand that you need to move on, but it is his house too and if he doesn’t want to move out he doesn’t have to. It sounds like you will need to go through the proper process of divorce and settlement in order to rectify the living situation fairly to both.

Pinkbonbon · 15/10/2022 10:23

Whos name is on the home? It might be easier to just take your name off all the bills and find a new place for yourself and the kids.

Saying that, it's tough to find places to rent atm. Especially if you're near a University city.

wizzywig · 15/10/2022 10:27

But what if he doesn't listen to her when she says to leave the house?

Original poster
ChristmasSnowCookie · 15/10/2022 10:31

TrashyPanda · 15/10/2022 10:20

To be fair, lots of people couldn’t go out and buy mattresses on a few hours notice, but would have to budget for them.

I found a deal with a discount on Wowcher. It would cost £88 for two and even second hand mattresses would be fine which I'm sure would be much cheaper. He got £938 this month. He only pays the TV bill and has paid for a bit of food. He isn't saving up to move out so I don't think asking him to pay for mattresses is a big deal, especially as he hasn't helped for the children's birthdays.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasSnowCookie · 15/10/2022 10:32

MeowMeowPowerRangers · 15/10/2022 10:20

Is he saving his income to move out? Two years is a long time to play sitting duck.

No he isn't. I wouldn't be mad if that was the case, but he isn't. He literally tells me he will kill himself instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasSnowCookie · 15/10/2022 10:33

Mmmmdanone · 15/10/2022 10:21

Do you own the house? He probably wants a good amount if money to move out and selling might be the only way. Have you seen a solicitor?

We are in a shitty council property. He isn't saving up to move out. I wouldn't mind if that was the case.

OP posts:
WizardOfUK · 15/10/2022 10:35

Do you rent or is it mortgaged.

Either way you need to find a way to force the issue. If it's rent and it's joint, speak to your landlord to see when the tenancy ends, or if you can be removed early, and start to look elsewhere. If it's mortgaged speak to a solicitor and kick off the divorce and sell the house.

Either way, if he won't move you need to take action and force the issue. If your benefits are based on his wage, the more he earns the less you will get. You could speak to a solicitor and see if there is anyway you can do estate the two and then claim child maint off him

Original poster
ChristmasSnowCookie · 15/10/2022 10:35

Tsort · 15/10/2022 10:21

Just tell him. There’s no magical knack to it. You’re done and you want him to leave.

Do you have a job?

I've said this multiple times and he tells me he will.kill himself which has caused me to have two breakdowns. I don't want that on my head. I don't believe he would do it, but it clearly does effect me. I'm not in love love him but I do still care. I've tried to end things in the best way, I've given him so much time but its taking the piss now as not a thing has changed and my mental health has been on the floor at times. I left full time education this June and was looking for work and then had a breakdown. I'm much stronger now but still recovering.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 15/10/2022 10:37

ChristmasSnowCookie · 15/10/2022 10:35

I've said this multiple times and he tells me he will.kill himself which has caused me to have two breakdowns. I don't want that on my head. I don't believe he would do it, but it clearly does effect me. I'm not in love love him but I do still care. I've tried to end things in the best way, I've given him so much time but its taking the piss now as not a thing has changed and my mental health has been on the floor at times. I left full time education this June and was looking for work and then had a breakdown. I'm much stronger now but still recovering.

Show quote history

You can’t just tell him to move out, he has as much right to be there as you have.

You need to go through the proper channels to get divorced and sort out the living situation, have you started divorce proceedings and have you spoken to a solicitor?

Pinkbonbon · 15/10/2022 10:37

'Forewqrning - if you threaten to kill yourself again, I'll call you an ambulance. And they can either treat you or FINE you for being a manipulative twat who is wasting their time. I'll let them decide which one it is. Now, seen as you don't contribute to this home, you have to leave it. So start flat hunting. No ifs or buts. We are over and it's time for you to go'

Original poster
ChristmasSnowCookie · 15/10/2022 10:38

Aprilx · 15/10/2022 10:23

I completely understand that you need to move on, but it is his house too and if he doesn’t want to move out he doesn’t have to. It sounds like you will need to go through the proper process of divorce and settlement in order to rectify the living situation fairly to both.

I was happy to move out with the kids, but I'm on benefits and finding somewhere that I can afford with 3 children has been impossible. You now have to earn 2.5 times the rent amount and I can't do that. We are in a council property. One of us has to move on. He does absolutely nothing around the house. He just plays PlayStation all day. Ive had enough and the council have told me they won't help, if I take my name off the tenancy.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasSnowCookie · 15/10/2022 10:39

wizzywig · 15/10/2022 10:27

But what if he doesn't listen to her when she says to leave the house?

He doesn't. This is the frustrating thing. I've looked at leaving but it's just not possible with my income and 3 children. Nothing has changed since we split in 2020. He hasn't saved up or anything, so where is his money going?! I don't get it.

OP posts:
howshouldibehave · 15/10/2022 10:40

Is his name on the council property as well? Do either of you work?

Pinkbonbon · 15/10/2022 10:41

I know it's a thought to leave the kids with him but, could you move out to a small place nearby, yourself?

Plenty of men wouldn't think twice about doing that when they split. Why can't we?

That way your kids still have the council house. And he'll have to start paying the bills on it.

Whinge · 15/10/2022 10:41

You say you split in December 2020, have you actually started the process of getting divorced?

Original poster
ChristmasSnowCookie · 15/10/2022 10:41

TrashyPanda · 15/10/2022 10:20

To be fair, lots of people couldn’t go out and buy mattresses on a few hours notice, but would have to budget for them.

Also, he has known about this for months. It wasn't a few hours notice.

OP posts:
Ekátn · 15/10/2022 10:43

I think you need to just save and crack on with the divorce

Original poster
ChristmasSnowCookie · 15/10/2022 10:48

howshouldibehave · 15/10/2022 10:40

Is his name on the council property as well? Do either of you work?

His name is on the tenancy and he works. I was looking for work, and then had a breakdown about am recovering from that before looking for work again.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasSnowCookie · 15/10/2022 10:49

Pinkbonbon · 15/10/2022 10:41

I know it's a thought to leave the kids with him but, could you move out to a small place nearby, yourself?

Plenty of men wouldn't think twice about doing that when they split. Why can't we?

That way your kids still have the council house. And he'll have to start paying the bills on it.

I need my babies with me and he works nights. He is also miserable with them and I don't think they would be happy with him full time.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasSnowCookie · 15/10/2022 10:50

Ekátn · 15/10/2022 10:43

I think you need to just save and crack on with the divorce

I can't save though. Once we get the second cost of living payment, I will be telling the benefits office we have split and I want to claim as a single parent. Hopefully then I have more money, but as it stands I'm not getting enough to even save a penny at the moment

OP posts:
Takeitonthechin · 15/10/2022 10:52

Firstly, pack his things into bags and put them outside... tell him to leave immediately

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