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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have been ghosted!

100 replies

lifeisfunnysun · 13/10/2022 17:44

I think I have been ghosted, and while I was so sad and upset, I am now laughing - at my age and all. This guy is nearly 50!

I have been chatting to this guy for a few months. Something I wouldn't normally do, I usually meet them quickly. But something drew me to him. And it's not often I actually quite like a man I come across on these apps. We met a few times. I liked him in person as well. Last weekend, we suggested meeting again, he asked when, I gave a day - tomorrow. I haven't heard from all week! 😂

I get some people are really busy. But I can't believe how sh!t this kind of behaviour is. And I can't believe it is happening at my age lol.

OP posts:
Newusernameaug · 13/10/2022 17:47

Have you messaged to ask if you’re still meeting? Maybe he’s just not text yet!

Thats the optimistic me thinking the best, however I’ve done enough dating to know if he was seriously interested he would have text by now…..

dontgosummer · 13/10/2022 17:47

Have you messaged him ?

Maybe he's thinking "ffs I've been ghosted "

I'd send one message saying hey you quiet , hope you are well , did you still
want to meet up tomorrow or shall we just wish each other best of luck in this search ?

Original poster
lifeisfunnysun · 13/10/2022 17:50

Haha I sent the last msg, asking him if Friday worked for him. It's his turn to reply. I won't be following up!

OP posts:
Garysmum · 13/10/2022 17:51

I was ghosted by a guy who seemed very into me etc.

a year later I googled him - unusual name, well known. He married his “ex” in less than that year and they were engaged weeks after I was seeing him. Lucky escape! Think I was an OW then!

Original poster
lifeisfunnysun · 13/10/2022 18:02

Garysmum Blimey! His poor wife...you managed to have a lucky escape!

OP posts:
Original poster
lifeisfunnysun · 13/10/2022 20:03

Anyone around? I’m starting to feel glum. First guy I’ve dated since coming out of a long term relationship. After the laughter, it now hurts. Why??

OP posts:
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 13/10/2022 20:40

After the laughter, it now hurts. Why??

Perhaps because when we get on with someone well, or think we do, we project a future and the rug's pulled.

Perhaps because we sometimes blame ourselves when there's really nothing wrong with us, but we aren't the right fit for someone who would ghost, who give themselves away as being cowardly selfish losers

Original poster
lifeisfunnysun · 13/10/2022 22:04

It’s just at our age…why ghost? We are middle aged. It is so rude. But I guess some men never grow beyond being rude, inconsistent and cowardly.

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 13/10/2022 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Not in the spirit

ReginaPerrin · 13/10/2022 22:23

I feel for you, OP. I think by the time you get to our age (middle age) you hope all the game playing and shit will have stopped. Some people are just thoughtless, I’m afraid.

Onwards and upwards - it’s his loss!

Signeduptosimplyreplytothis · 13/10/2022 22:34

Try and protect yourself by not falling for potential. See them as they are and until you're in some kind of flow expect that ghosting may happen. Also, from what I've read in the past men need space to realise they like you. I'd probably drop him another message saying "just checking in as I've not heard from you this week and we had plans" and if still no reply move on.

Fwiw there are nice ones out there (I'm also surprised by this!) Im talking to a guy at the moment who is nearly 50 both of us are busy with work and me with my children but what I've noticed is different with him to other guys is he proactively tells me if he's not going to be available, just drops a "hey I want to talk to you but haven't the time at the moment just know I want to" type message. It really is making me realise what dross I've put up with before 🤣

Original poster
lifeisfunnysun · 13/10/2022 22:47

ah see that’s nice and considerate Signeduptosimplyreplytothis

with this guy, he’s just not interested so I won’t bother following up

i think I may send a nice neutral msg if he does ever reply and then block

I don’t have time for time wasters anymore

I can’t believe how sad this made me after only two dates but I guess I’m still vulnerable and navigating a new single world

people can be so inconsiderate

OP posts:
confuseddotcom22 · 13/10/2022 22:52

I feel for you. And I fully get you. I'm also surprised at the lack of respect at our age I've come across. Didn't expect that, naively enough.

It's a cliché but it's true - "It's not you, it's him".

Big hug and onwards and upwards.

Signeduptosimplyreplytothis · 13/10/2022 23:00

lifeisfunnysun · 13/10/2022 22:47

ah see that’s nice and considerate Signeduptosimplyreplytothis

with this guy, he’s just not interested so I won’t bother following up

i think I may send a nice neutral msg if he does ever reply and then block

I don’t have time for time wasters anymore

I can’t believe how sad this made me after only two dates but I guess I’m still vulnerable and navigating a new single world

people can be so inconsiderate

It is, but I'm also realistic and know it could easily go the other way at any time so I'm not overly investing at the moment and just enjoying it for what it is.

It sounds more like this has made you realise you've still got work to do on yourself rather than being a problem with dating per se.

This one's a dickhead who has lost out. Have a couple of glasses of wine and thank your lucky stars you escaped.

Mermaidwaves · 13/10/2022 23:52

I was ghosted recently by a guy I met in real life not OLD for once, I genuinely thought we had a connection. Our last phone conversation seemed really positive then nothing!!! We were supposed to have another date and he just stopped messaging, including the day of the date, just totally ignored my messages, I'm ashamed to say I sent a few asking him what was happening.

I feel sad too and wonder if I did something wrong. I honestly dont think i will ever get past a second or third date, never mind a proper relationship.

MsBombastic555 · 13/10/2022 23:58

It's ridiculous behaviour. As long as either his message or your message hasn't gone AWOL/lost in transit x

Rosiecass · 14/10/2022 00:07

Some men are , unfortunately, just selfish and inconsiderate. I hate to see women question themselves over these type of men. Please don't, trust your gut and don't question yourself x

Pruneaux · 14/10/2022 00:16

Mermaidwaves · 13/10/2022 23:52

I was ghosted recently by a guy I met in real life not OLD for once, I genuinely thought we had a connection. Our last phone conversation seemed really positive then nothing!!! We were supposed to have another date and he just stopped messaging, including the day of the date, just totally ignored my messages, I'm ashamed to say I sent a few asking him what was happening.

I feel sad too and wonder if I did something wrong. I honestly dont think i will ever get past a second or third date, never mind a proper relationship.

I know how you feel. I feel the same - it’s so tough ….

Stars71 · 14/10/2022 00:35

I've just had this. I am also early 50s. The bloke was all over me, then suddenly said we were seeing a lot of each other. He wants to be "good friends". Well we know what that means 🙄some men just don't mentally grow.

Monty27 · 14/10/2022 03:33

The thing is OP you know exactly what's happened. You've been ghosts. It's a disappointment for sure but some people are simply insincere. Next!

SideshowAuntSallly · 14/10/2022 04:08

I've been ghosted by someone I actually thought was a decent guy(finally have to admit he's ghosted). Known each over a year, saw each other multiple times. In July we were arranging dinner when all of a sudden he stopped answering messages, he still bloody reads them (can't understand what that's about). At 44 I expected more. I know he was going through a tough time but a quick message was all it took. He's not dead, I know as he plays sport and he's mentioned on the Team website so he's obviously too cowardly to say the truth.

youlightupmyday · 14/10/2022 04:24

It's cowardly.

I have recently been thinking that men really do what they want, from boyhood: sport, work, friendships, socialising, romance. So when they are into you, you know it. It is a very different mindset.

In regards to calling etc. My DPs female friend wasn't called back by someone after a date where they shagged. We sat through the evening with her when she was hurt , asking advice. He said nice things. As we left I said to him, thing is if he was interested he would have called first after. Men know that. And he just said "yep, we know".

It is a good barometer. And weeds out the chaff.

Rejection Hurts, it is shit. But he is definitely not the one for you. The right one will be 😉

Original poster
lifeisfunnysun · 14/10/2022 07:43

I mean, I keep checking my phone like an idiot 🤷‍♀️ how silly am I. He hasn’t msged since Monday. I suggested meeting on Friday, today. He read my msg yesterday and he’s been on WhatsApp lots since then.

it’s not like I want to see him anymore anyway!

OP posts:
Stars71 · 14/10/2022 08:56

Tell you what makes me laugh. Men say they can't work women out. Ive been used from blokes from OLD, messed about and most recently this one, who has let me down. Who I met IRL. You can get on great with a bloke, have fun, make him laugh, good sex and it still won't be enough. They then just pull the rug. So none of this nonsense about women not knowing what they want! I've had enough of men with emotional baggage, because all they do is drag you down. OP, he sounds like he is just another one.

Stars71 · 14/10/2022 09:00

The other thing, of course, is that he's moved onto someone who will put out. He's probably keeping his options open with you. Be prepared for an out of the blue message next week.