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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I have been ghosted!

100 replies

lifeisfunnysun · 13/10/2022 17:44

I think I have been ghosted, and while I was so sad and upset, I am now laughing - at my age and all. This guy is nearly 50!

I have been chatting to this guy for a few months. Something I wouldn't normally do, I usually meet them quickly. But something drew me to him. And it's not often I actually quite like a man I come across on these apps. We met a few times. I liked him in person as well. Last weekend, we suggested meeting again, he asked when, I gave a day - tomorrow. I haven't heard from all week! 😂

I get some people are really busy. But I can't believe how sh!t this kind of behaviour is. And I can't believe it is happening at my age lol.

OP posts:

Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 14/10/2022 22:51

Block him so you can't see him. I wouldn't have sent that last message (learned the hard way that doing always ended up making me feel even worse) but you have sent it now and what is done is done.

You are right that if he wanted to meet you then he would have ensured that there was two way communication between you. I think when somebody wants to meet up, there isn't any vagueness or guess work involved. It doesn't make it any easier though I suspect, even though it doesn't feel like it now, that you have dodged a bullet. Its better to feel hurt and a bit rejected now than utterly heartbroken in the months and years to come.

Block him so you aren't hanging on waiting to see if he will reply. Take that power from him. If he really wants to get in touch, he works nearby and knows where to find you.

Original poster

lifeisfunnysun · 14/10/2022 22:52

I think he just lost interest or most likely is dating other women Winceybincey and is keeping me as a back up

hence he’s never said he’s not interested, but he’s not arranging to meet up and not replying to msgs

OP posts:

Original poster

lifeisfunnysun · 14/10/2022 22:55

Snowpatrolsnowpatrol I have no regret about sending a nice goodbye message. I’ve deleted the chat and his number so I can’t see it anymore. I highly doubt he will message. He would have done so by now. And I’ve put an end to it anyway. I will never meet him again. I don’t want to block as that shows he’s bothered me and I don’t want that.

OP posts:

Original poster

lifeisfunnysun · 14/10/2022 22:55

strawberriesplease that’s true thanks

OP posts:

Silvercurtains · 14/10/2022 23:44

I think people who ghost after meeting someone in person are just horrible human beings tbh. I also hate seeing it recommended on here.
It’s a mixture of cowardice, immaturity and selfishness.
I messaged a man last week after we’d be out on three dates to say it had been lovely to spend time with him but I didn’t want to take it any further etc. I wished him all the best and he replied thanking me for my honesty and wishing me all the best too. It’s not difficult to treat others with some respect and consideration.
I know when you’re feeling rejected it’s hard to believe this but someone who would ghost you, truly, please believe me, is not good enough for you.

jd88123 · 15/10/2022 00:00

Op you will meet someone when the time is right. It's a cliche but true. Don't chase the men that don't show the same amount of interest back. It should be fun, exciting and mutually respectful especially at the start. If it's stressful and agonising waiting for a reply or having to second guess what they are thinking it's not worth it. Maybe take a break from old and just take some time for you. After a break there might be new guys on the scene, ones ready for a grown up relationship and not going to play games. Maybe think about a professional dating site so people are paying for it, means they are more serious about finding someone for good. Good luck. I know how hard it is.

Original poster

lifeisfunnysun · 15/10/2022 07:51

silvercurtains jd88123 thank you 🙏🏽

Still no reply from him - I wonder if he typed a reply and didn’t send again
what a bullsh!tter
Oh well
the whole thing has made me feel so uncomfortable
maybe I am expecting too much now I’m middle aged
I didn’t find online dating like this 5-10 years ago

OP posts:

Original poster

lifeisfunnysun · 15/10/2022 08:07

Honestly I just feel like an idiot about the whole thing
not messaging him
but being interested etc
he clearly wasn’t !

OP posts:

KatieKline · 15/10/2022 09:18

Try not to be hard on yourself, it really is his loss. I came across this meme and thought of you

Original poster

lifeisfunnysun · 15/10/2022 10:09

Thank you 😊 KatieKline
I don’t think this kind of thing would bother me too much normally, I think I’m feeling a more vulnerable than usual

OP posts:

Silvercurtains · 15/10/2022 10:22

I disagree with katiekline and I also don’t think you’re expecting too much. You should care if someone you hoped to start a relationship with treats you with disrespect. It shows you have standards and you won’t let someone treat you badly. Women who accept excuses from men who ghost them end up getting walked over. The man I recently dated wasn’t for me but he was a good man and wouldn’t have ghosted me or anyone else. You just haven’t found the right person yet but they exist. Take a break but don’t give up. Good luck.

Original poster

lifeisfunnysun · 15/10/2022 10:46

I don’t think I can take another bad relationship or date

I’ve had a whole lifetime of it

I’m decent, have high standards, I’d never harm anyone, I’m good fun, I look after myself etc but it seems to be one damaged man after the next. I’m not even talking about this guy now. Just generally.

OP posts:

MsBombastic555 · 15/10/2022 13:31

Nothing OP? It might have been a genuine cock-up or he had a very hectic week and now he is taken aback by your message and doesn't know what to say.

Original poster

lifeisfunnysun · 15/10/2022 13:38

Nope nothing MsBombastic555
or maybe he typed another msg and didn’t send it 😂 Nah he’s not been sincere
If he was genuinely interested, and forgot to reply, he would have tried harder
There are no excuses when a guy is interested

OP posts:

Original poster

lifeisfunnysun · 15/10/2022 13:39

Nothing to be taken aback by. My msg was so nice ! He could have asked for another chance. He hasn’t. he prefers his other date !

OP posts:

MsBombastic555 · 15/10/2022 13:43

Wishing you all the best anyway 💐its a nightmare out there. Ladies, if you find a good man, hang on to him!

Original poster

lifeisfunnysun · 15/10/2022 13:58

He finally replied and thanked me for such a nice message and how much he appreciated it, and he also wished i could meet a nice guy too. Oh well. Not gonna lie. It hurts.

OP posts:

MsBombastic555 · 15/10/2022 14:29

lifeisfunnysun · 15/10/2022 13:58

He finally replied and thanked me for such a nice message and how much he appreciated it, and he also wished i could meet a nice guy too. Oh well. Not gonna lie. It hurts.

Weird. Who could possibly fathom the workings out of the male mind. Fwiw if its worth anything, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and would bloody well want to know where said dating had gone wrong if I was keen on them, instead of carrying the hurt/resentment around with me. So in that scenario I probably would have taken him at his word (if I was that keen of course) and given him the benefit of the doubt (whilst making a mental note of his "forgetfulness") and seeing what happened in future - he said he forgot to hit send or whatever so that is not him saying he didnt want to see you again. Often we just assume things. I would have been pissed off sure but instead of your "see you round" message, I probably would have asked him about his week or said something like "so did you want to arrange another date or......." but granted thats not for everyone and some might feel that that's cheapening yourself and I certainly wouldn't be making much more of an effort beyond that. I just thought it was worth saying if you are especially hurt and confused over this man.

Original poster

lifeisfunnysun · 15/10/2022 14:39

MsBombastic555 But he could have come back and said ‘oh sorry I forgot - how about meeting for a drink this weekend?’
He just said he forgot and that’s it
No indication as to what the message was or his interest
He clearly wasn’t interested
isn’t it painfully obvious ?

OP posts:

MsBombastic555 · 15/10/2022 14:50

I think being as a further meet up was suggested (I assume by him), it's possible he was at least partially interested/was seeing how things went. Which is what dating is about at the end of the day. I think he may have been on the fence..possibly. Obviously you will have a better feel for the situation than me. It's just some thoughts I had. I would have tried to get the other date (ONLY because you seem invested) and from there you could have got more clarity, seeing how he acts in person (if he is different on that date than the last one) instead of being left with hurt and confusion. Not saying I'm right and I do hope I'm not making things worse, in fact I'll probably stop now 😂 it's just some things that went through my mind when reading this thread, that I thought I'd say just in case it helped.

Original poster

lifeisfunnysun · 15/10/2022 14:56

Thank you MsBombastic555 for your insights, perhaps I could have been more direct, but he could have been as well. Maybe we were both on the fence. I have sent you a direct message, hope you don’t mind x

OP posts:

BigFatLiar · 15/10/2022 15:45

lifeisfunnysun · 14/10/2022 21:31

BigFatLiar this guy is actively dating

But then so are you. Who knows what he was up to. He may have been out on a date, he may have been sitting on his own trying to get over a rubbish week. If your preference is he was on a date that's fine. It's over, let it go. He's replied politely, maybe he did have a bad week and is just as upset as you at missing out. He may be sitting thinking you've been unfair dumping him. Who knows, just move on and find some one you like. You seem to be still fixated on it.

It's a long time since I dated and even with OH it's sometimes difficult to remember that his timescales and mine don't always coincide. I don't think I could have coped with texting and messaging it was bad enough with the phone. Never really got messaging when people expect a reply, why not call and speak.

BCBird · 10/04/2023 20:23

I've had 2 relationships as a result of OLD and at sime point will try agsjn. I think each tume you get a bit more savvy. I'm.in my 50s and would think it laughable people ghost but would also be annoyed to. Good luck

bloodyeffinnora · 10/04/2023 22:46

Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 14/10/2022 22:51

Block him so you can't see him. I wouldn't have sent that last message (learned the hard way that doing always ended up making me feel even worse) but you have sent it now and what is done is done.

Block him so you aren't hanging on waiting to see if he will reply. Take that power from him. If he really wants to get in touch, he works nearby and knows where to find you.

i agree with this, if he was interested he would have let you know, he doesnt have to say he's not interested, his actions show that.
the fact that even after your last message he hasnt bothered to reply tells you everything.

You were right to delete him, you sound far too good for him anyway.

bloodyeffinnora · 10/04/2023 22:52

sorry OP just read that he did reply in the end

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