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Original poster

Husbands ex has started working with him..do I have anything to be worried about?

126 replies

mrchandlerbong · 11/10/2022 12:38

My husband and I have been together 2 years in December.
We got married in June this year.
He is 41 and I'm 35.
When we met 2 years ago he told me upfront he previously had been a bit of a player.
He told me about a woman he was "kind of seeing" and how she wanted more but at the time he wanted to sleep around.
He showed me her on Facebook (when drunk and early dating)
He told me they had spoken for a year and been out together/slept together etc but at the time they weren't exclusive.
He said she ended up going a bit crazy and he stopped meeting up as "he wouldn't be able to stop himself sleeping with her as he really fancied her"
Hmmm
Anyway that was nearly 2 years ago and we are married now.
She has just got a job with him (same building )
They haven't spoken in 2 years -so I'm assuming won't speak if they see each other as too awkward but with all that history should I be worried ?
Do you think I'm worrying for nothing?

OP posts:
Original poster
mrchandlerbong · 11/10/2022 12:38

He referred to her as his "half girlfriend "

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 11/10/2022 12:41

I think I'd be worried in these particular circumstances, yes.
I wouldn't touch my own ex husband with a barge pole, so being an ex per se doesn't matter.
But if he really fancied her, and it never really ended, then yes, I wouldn't like this.

JoanCandy · 11/10/2022 12:45

Why have you married him if you don’t trust him ?

Original poster
mrchandlerbong · 11/10/2022 12:53

I do trust him -but obviously things can happen can't they
And I'm worried about this situation

OP posts:
Wombat27A · 11/10/2022 12:56

But there isn't actually anything you can do.

My DH's ex came to work in the same place as him. Has been known to get upset around him and other slightly odd stuff. Would love to know what's going on in her head but that's me being nosy!

However, long marriage and I trust him (whilst keeping a watch out). You either trust him...or you're right to worry.

Original poster
mrchandlerbong · 11/10/2022 13:02

Maybe it's because we have only been together coming up to 2 years and it was only 3 since he was "kind of seeing her"
So it's kind of fresh

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 11/10/2022 13:08

Whether you’ve something to worry about or not, what can you do about it? You definitely can’t make her leave her job, and how far do you want to go down the crazy road of trying to moderate your husband’s opportunities to cheat by making him leave his job or insisting that he must never talk to her at work or must come straight home at 5pm every day or must show you his phone and emails weekly? That was madness lies. You either trust the person you chose to marry after such a short time of knowing them, or you accept that you don’t trust him and take a decision based on that.

PeekAtYou · 11/10/2022 13:13

You decided to overlook his past. Do you have rust him or not?
It sounds like he would shag her if she was keen bit you need to think about your decision to marry anyway- did you decide it was ok because he's not cheated while with you ?

Original poster
mrchandlerbong · 11/10/2022 13:26

When we met 20 months ago he was ready to settle it he said.
He was a different man and wanted stability.
So yeah I did look past his previous history as it didn't concern me.

OP posts:
Aikko · 11/10/2022 13:27

Nothing you can do about it. He either shags her or he doesn't.

No point worrying about it. If he doesn't - then he's an idiot, and you move on.

Aikko · 11/10/2022 13:27

*If he does
is what I meant to say.

Smileeriley · 11/10/2022 13:47

Gosh op, you think you're safe here because honestly, your husband sounds lovely like a bit of a bellend.

I hope this lady has realised that herself and with no bother with him.

TheWolves · 11/10/2022 13:57

We have no idea if he'll cheat or not. But it seems like you either have a very low opinion of him or issues with jealousy.

Original poster
mrchandlerbong · 11/10/2022 14:00

I don't have issues with jealousy but obviously when you know your husband has a past that involves many women-then one starts working with him who he clearly liked -of course I'm gonna be scared

OP posts:
I6344 · 11/10/2022 14:01

If it helps I work with my ex who I was head over heels in love with, wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with him and really struggled when we broke up. I now avoid him like the plague 🤣

Pineappleskies · 11/10/2022 14:03

Some unhelpful comments.

This would worry me. Not just the potential frisson or drama but the impact it could have on how your husband's perceived. You don't know what she will say to whom about the past and your husband might not come out well.

I'd try and focus on open communication with your husband. He needs to know you are the one to confide in, not her.

Have you asked him.how he feels about it, if he's considered any potential difficulties with this situation and if so thought of any strategies to deal with them.

This will tell you a lot about the sort of man he is.

You are right to want to approach this mindfully.

minticecreamisjustok · 11/10/2022 14:03

That's a risk of you take marrying someone that was a player in the past. It's risk anyway being in a relationship, it's not guaranteed happiness and fidelity, if your happy now and he shows no sign of being unfaithful then just put it to rest.

TheWolves · 11/10/2022 14:14

mrchandlerbong · 11/10/2022 14:00

I don't have issues with jealousy but obviously when you know your husband has a past that involves many women-then one starts working with him who he clearly liked -of course I'm gonna be scared

If you are convinced he's going to throw himself at the next woman he finds attractive, I suggest you start divorce proceedings.

Original poster
mrchandlerbong · 11/10/2022 14:16

No I don't think that ..it's because they have history together

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 14:18

What do they do? Is she just working for the same company or are they working in close proximity?

I'd be very uncomfortable with this because ultimately he's told you how much he fancies her and 'wouldn't be able to help himself' and that's a gigantic red flag to me.

TheWolves · 11/10/2022 14:21

mrchandlerbong · 11/10/2022 14:16

No I don't think that ..it's because they have history together

Again, if you can't trust your husband not to have sex with other people behind your back, you would be better off finding a different partner.

Why did you marry him if you thought he couldn't be faithful?

Cas112 · 11/10/2022 14:30

I hate a man that calls a woman crazy, usually the man that causes it

Original poster
mrchandlerbong · 11/10/2022 14:31

It's probably me being jealous or insecure
He was upfront about his past /women etc
Since we have been together he's been faithful and I have no reason to think he wouldn't be faithful I'm just insecure because of the history

OP posts:
C1N1C · 11/10/2022 14:42

This is the result of marrying a player. A lot of my friends love them as they're fun, they have the banter, know how to please their woman...

...but if you live a life of sleeping around, not taking relationships seriously, that ONE that finally ties you down will never feel secure.

You can't know for sure... just keep an eye on days working late, cradling his phone and more days out with the lads :).

beonmywaythen · 11/10/2022 15:02

mrchandlerbong · 11/10/2022 12:53

I do trust him -but obviously things can happen can't they
And I'm worried about this situation

Clearly you don't

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