Husbands ex has started working with him..do I have anything to be worried about?

[mrchandlerbong]

My husband and I have been together 2 years in December.
We got married in June this year.
He is 41 and I'm 35.
When we met 2 years ago he told me upfront he previously had been a bit of a player.
He told me about a woman he was "kind of seeing" and how she wanted more but at the time he wanted to sleep around.
He showed me her on Facebook (when drunk and early dating)
He told me they had spoken for a year and been out together/slept together etc but at the time they weren't exclusive.
He said she ended up going a bit crazy and he stopped meeting up as "he wouldn't be able to stop himself sleeping with her as he really fancied her"
Hmmm
Anyway that was nearly 2 years ago and we are married now.
She has just got a job with him (same building )
They haven't spoken in 2 years -so I'm assuming won't speak if they see each other as too awkward but with all that history should I be worried ?
Do you think I'm worrying for nothing?

He still says she went a bit crazy
Not that I ever bring her up
I worry lonely ness brought us together even tho we do have fun now.
I think I could of been anyone tho -if that makes sense
If he had met her at the time he met me he would be with her now probably

Or more likely he wouldn't be 'with' her, he'd be still shagging her and shagging around.

Sorry OP but it does sound rather convenient that him suddenly wanting to stop shagging around and settle down in a monogamous relationship coincided with the once in a lifetime event of lockdown and the subsequent restrictions.

Many of us literally lived in a bubble during that time. It wasn't quite real life and you've packed meeting, dating, moving in and marriage into the last two years much of which was during unprecedented and at times bizarre for the whole world.

I don't know you so may be speaking out of turn but I don't think this is actually about this women per se. I think she is a reminder of who he 'was' before he met you and the fact that it's overwhelmingly likely that fundamentally that's who he still is.

And that's a bit of an arsehole to women, who calls them mental if they behave in a way he doesn't like and doesn't regret hurting people if he got what he wanted.

He just doesn't sound very nice tbh.

Do you think maybe your eyes have been opened and you've been snapped back into reality a bit due to this woman reminding you of his character?

Has he been married before op?

Also what I've noticed that is slightly concerning - you haven't spoken about how your marriage actually is? How happy are you together? Do you get on? Argue?

In general, as a husband, how is he? Does he make you happy?

Obviously don't answer all these questions but you seem to be so focused on this that it does make me wonder if there's maybe more to it. Because if you were both blissfully happy together then I very much doubt your anxiety would be this high. There has to be more to it.

I know you said he hasn't cheated but I'm wondering how he treats you in general. If he's respectful, loving etc

He hasn't been married but has been engaged to daughters mum.
She apparently hates him
I think remembering his past is the issue

Does he have any exes he describes kindly, any who don't 'hate him' and who he doesn't describe as 'crazy' / 'mental' etc?

OP hey

im sure this thread has been revalatory and not entirely pleasant or comfortable reading x

fwiw it was this site that made me realise my ex was abusive

hope your ok

Nope they've all done something bad to him apparently.
He hasn't had the best relationships in the past.
He said that's why until me he didn't get with people.
As it always went wrong

Nope they've all done something bad to him apparently.

🚩

And with the way he treated the woman in question, continuing shagging her when he knew she wanted more then calling her crazy...

🚩🚩🚩

OP I think you know the deal here. And I'm sorry that this is the situation. But you're young and deserve to be with someone who respects not just you, but women in general.

As another person has commented... hope you're OK, in light of what seems to be the unanimous opinion on this thread *not one in favour of your husband

I don't know your personal circumstances... was this man introduced to your family and friends properly? What did they think of him?

Are someone who is independent, or dependent on him?

Do you feel he loves, respects and adores you as his wife, and life companion? Does he do things on his own accord to bring a smile to your face, pick you up when you're down, or simply to show his love, admiration and appreciation for you?

*you

@Rubiconmango I've also tried to ask the op this and she avoided my question completely which makes me think there's more to this. My guess would be he doesn't respect op or treat her well hence why her anxiety is so high.

@bettyfretty sorry not deliberately avoiding question,just missed it
Yeah he treats me good,we have fun
Obviously there's things I don't like
Things we argue about etc ...but that's just life

I’d also be really interested in your answers to @Rubiconmango’s questions, if you feel up to it.

To be fair op doesn’t owe anyone any answers

im sure this thread has made her think

I get a bit uncomfortable as whilst well intended

people can turn and get aggressive on here

That was acknowledged with ‘if you feel up to it.’ She didn’t and that’s fine.

Fair enough
at the end with my ex i posted here
i had someone who started nice
then went all nasty
it was appalling and upset me
and I was literally packing his bags !

so I get a bit triggered

I bet you would. 🙄

So many posters feel owed explanations and answers by posters. While this particular interest may be well intentioned, many other posters just demand and then use the answers to fuel a barrage of abuse or criticism at an OP for whatever their choices were.

As such, already vulnerable posters would understandably avoid a screed of questioning such as referenced above.

I repeat, that was acknowledged with ‘if you feel up to it.’ She didn’t and that’s fine. I respected that. There was no barrage or question of being owed anything.

Passive aggressive emoji and ‘I bet you would’ seem uncalled for.

That’s completely understandable. I hope things turned out alright for you.

It wasn’t passive aggressive. I was leaving no question mark over what I meant by ‘I bet you would’.

Posters who demand answers from OPs get on my wick. I know yours was more respectfully worded than most but there was a lengthy post of questioning from the other poster.

So, just straight up aggressive, then? I see.

I ‘demanded answers’, did I? There’s no point engaging with posters who say things that are patently untrue. You are clearly looking for a row and I wish you the best with your search.

Herejustforthisone

im aligned
it’s a crying shame as this is such an amazing space for women in abusive situations

but Jesus when posters turn in an abused woman ( and im not saying that’s what PP would have done )

its a horrific own goal

I mean we all know it’s bloody hard to leave abusive situations

so why bully women in a safe space

i see it happen and it’s happened to me

Hello any update on what happened? My situation is very v similar

Any update on what happened? In a similar situation:(

Yeah, fuck that op.

I agree with previous poster that he sounds like an absolute bell end .