Did anything awful ever happen to your ex? I feel guilty for being happy about it

[Retopa]

Something awful has happened to mine and my initial reaction was happiness. I hate myself for this and since I’ve reflected i do also feel sad it has happened. His is DC’s dad and that alone makes me feel terrible. He’s never met dc and gave me hell but honestly I was glad he is suffering. I’m a bitch for that, I know. Can’t tell anyone IRL!

Lots of very unpleasant events befell my exH.

Unfortunately, by the time I found out about them, I wasn't bothered any more.

The only thing I was sad about by that time was missing out on my helping of schadenfreude !

Do you not understand that people have reasons for behaving badly? Being happy that someone has committed suicide shows a total lack of understanding, empathy and any sort of critical thinking. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Well, XH has realised that family life wasn't such an awful thing and wants to come back. He keeps asking and asking, and I keep telling him no. He's in and out of work. He lost a lot of friends due to him being a monster (alcoholic and took lots of drugs - nearly 4 years later, if I smell vodka on someone's breath, I start to shake. It's weird, it just takes me right back. My kids are scared if they see drunk people). He gets down and upset about missing us/being alone but the only person to blame for that is himself. So, I guess that is the bad thing that has happened to him. I'm just sad that he didn't want to sort his shit out, get clean/sober and actually prioritise family over drugs/alcohol when he was still with us. However, I would never go back.

For a PP, I guess alcohol and drugs were "his reason for behaving badly" (and believe me, his behaviour was more than bad). But no one forced him to take them. Friends/family gave him so much support to try and help him (and he was vile to them too, but I got the worst of his behaviour). A fortune was spent on private residential rehab (which he treated as a holiday where he got a lot of benzo's). Do you know something though? He DIDN'T WANT to stop using either. And all he wanted to do at the time was have his own place where he could do what he wanted, when he wanted and with whom he wanted. Well, he has now got that wish and he now doesn't like it. And I won't be ashamed of myself for saying that it serves him right.

Agreed.

Because she's a woman.

My ex & father of my boys,a few bad things have happened & I won't say I was happy but I didn't feel sorry for him or his situation as he put himself there,I do feel it's karma for what he did & honestly it was an I told you so moment for me to the OW as she thought he was a knight in shining armour when he's really not & he's doing to her what he did to me(no violence) which is unfortunate as there are kids involved & bringing more into it. She gave me so much grief emails, threats etc that I can't help feeling like this is the Karma

My ex is in prison in Singapore.

The only person I feel sorry for is my DD13 but then she rarely mentions him, he's not seen her since she was 2.

Someone I had a relationship with as a very vulnerable teen stole from me and it was an awful stressful time. Some years later I heard he was walking down the road and something fell on his head scarring him for life. I was so happy to hear this. Then he died young. I was also happy to hear this. I don’t think we need to feel bad for these feelings.

I believe in “what goes around, comes around”, but for the simple reason that mean and selfish people treat others that way, and sooner or later they will lose friends and others won’t want to help them.

@PrincessFiorimonde I believe that Stalin collapsed from a stroke and died before help could get to him, because everyone was too scared to go into his room without permission. So they waited and waited and then it was too late.

But I’m sure there’s plenty of others who have died peacefully who didn’t deserve to.

I think I may have the sort of personality to hold grudges. A friend wisely said she forgives but doesn’t forget. I’m going to try and follow that, if I can.

Absolute logic fail there.

How the general public respond to the misfortune/death of someone they've heard about but don't actually know is nothing like the feelings experienced by someone who has known the person intimately.

I understand this feeling totally. Abusive ex has an ulcer, which requires diagnostics and treatment similar to a David Cronenburg film.

Yes, I laugh. Because he made and my children cry so much. If he has to have many colonoscopies, take violently acting bowl cleansing drugs, eat pap food and suffer agonizing pain, then karma cannot roll on for long enough. He looks very sorry for himself

My ex was a lazy bastard, I worked, did the lions share of childcare, lions share of housework and all the life admin. I used to constantly ask him to help and he never did. We split due to his affair and he was physically abusive.

He rang me a few months after we split and had a right go at me as he'd written his van off, and it turns out the MOT ran out a month prior, he rang me to have a go at me because I hadn't 'reminded' him to MOT his van, and now the insurance company would only pay out a % of what it was worth. I laughed down the phone at him. Still make me chuckle to myself.

Tbh stuff like thisn is always happening to him. I laugh every time .

Not an ex but the ow of my ex. She made a habit of going after married men (I know they’re just as responsible as her). A year after she had helped contribute to the break up of my relationship, she got tortured to death by one of the married men she was shagging.

@Gardeninglady Do you not understand that people have reasons for being happy that their abuser has taken their own life? Condemning a victim of abuse for a simple, personal, internal emotion (affecting no-one) about a person who acted out actual damage to them shows a total lack of understanding, empathy and any sort of critical thinking. You should be ashamed of yourself. (See how that works?)

There is no right or wrong way to feel towards someone who abused you. Your feelings themselves are only a problem if they are damaging you and you'd be better served by channeling in a different direction. Feelings themselves affect no-one else unless you act on them.

There is a right and a wrong way to act in spite of your feelings, but that's not what this thread is about.

It's often true that people who do terrible things have reasons for behaving badly, but trying to make out their victims should centre their abuser's experiences and feelings over their and actually feel shame for their emotions towards their abuser is sickening. I don't think you're occupying the moral high ground you think you are.

Funny old world where people on this thread aren’t condemning the actual abusers but the innocent victims who are doing nothing but ‘feeling’ natural feelings after being on the receiving end of shit these people are privileged to not experience. I come from a culture where women are expected to forgive male abusers.rapists and not speak ill of the dead oppressors but when men are victims they’re entitled to ‘behave’ how they want yes actually physically do whatever they can get away with as payback when all the women are doing is ‘feeling’ something and people want to police and silence even then.

That's horrific. How can having an affair mean you deserve to be tortured to death?

Sick.

For me it was less about being happy at their misfortune more gladness to see that actions have consequences.

One particular ex has always wanted to be feted for his genius : the opportunity to become truly famous for his work came & he had to turn it down because so many of the women he has abused (in some cases horrifically & should have served jail time) would have come forward as soon as he hit the big time and ended his career.

He is consumed with bitterness and has to live with that every day. I’m glad. I hope he feels that bitterness and anger every day for the rest of his long life.

A few posters on this thread really show how toxic the ‘be kind’ movement is and how it’s just yet another conditioning of women to put their own thoughts & feelings & needs behind being nice and good and likeable. Patriarchy 101.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I'd be delighted in all honesty

You have no idea what these women have been through

She didn't say she was glad he hung himself. Far from it.

I don’t judge you
your child is no longer haunted by the sceptre of a parent who isn’t a parent x

even though we don’t get on (at all ) I want
me ex to be ok , as my boys love him

Wish to God my ex would die. I really do. It would be like winning the lottery. The abusive and toxic shit of a man out of my life.

If my ds dad died, I'd feel sad for my ds but not for him.

Ah, this thread seems to me yet another example of how the ‘be kind’ crowd are too busy handwringing that they somehow forget to have any empathy for the person they’re telling to ‘be kind’. There not interested in why that person feels or acts as they do. Nope; their motivation seems to be demonstrating how kind and lovely they are by being shocked/upset/disgusted at other people daring to have less palatable feelings.

I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself @Retopa. He was someone who has caused you considerable harm and hardship over years. And whose actions and choices have had an effect on your children (his children - not that he acted on that basis). You are allowed to feel how you feel about it. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a person who is processing a difficult and complex situation.