So, I wrote about my flakey guy last week.
The shit has now hit the fan.
Tonight, I feel broken and I need your help to pick myself back up, please. He's been blowing hot and cold for ages now. I eventually pinned him down. He knew "the talk" was coming. The last 6 months have been so much of a rollercoaster. We've spent hours and hours of our lives talking to each other and writing to each other. It's been full-on. The headspace he has taken up has been ridiculous.
So, I told him that I needed to know where it was going. He tried to dodge the topic... and continued to write to me, but not as a friend. As much more than that. It's been A LOT.
Anyway, he phoned me this evening to tell me that when I said I was big on the dating profile, he had been with big women before, but he was a bit worried about his desire for me in the long term.
I feel this is something he could have thought about after the first date. Instead of writing thousands and thousands of words to me including stories, poems, and a fucking book club we did together, watching the same films at the same time, sending pictures -not naked ones or anything. Texting back and forth day and night. Telling each other our whole life stories. Supporting each other through difficult times.
So, when I, very calmly, said that OK, he'd put that out there now, so we were done, he said it was very cruel of me to break off the friendship and that he didn't want to lose me like that and he saw more than my size: my kindness, humour, beautiful face blah, blah, blah and that I was being cruel to drop him as a friend because he felt more affection for me that for any other woman in his life and how hard it was for him. He said he felt very strange about it, but he thought he should tell me the truth even though it was hard to hear.
Yeah, but you just said I'm too fat for you, matey. There's no coming back from that. Why did you sleep with me and then go on about how good the sex was?
I feel like I've been played.
I'm heartbroken. My self-confidence was already LOW and now I'm in such a mess. I wish he'd lied to me and said it was something else.
Yes, I'm fat. But I thought we'd got that over with on the first date. I say it on my profile. With full-length photos.
I don't feel like I'm going to be able to pick myself up from this.
I've deleted his number and the hundreds and hundreds of thousands of words he sent to me.
I wasn't expecting this. I thought he was going to go on about "finding himself" and "not being ready" and "let's see where it goes".
I feel ill.