New guy a bit stern

[Frankleee]

New guy I’m dating is very playful and funny in life. Sometimes sends jokey messages which are a bit stern but in jest “you need to behave”, “got to bed” - always when I’m joking around or being a bit silly, before anyone thinks it’s abusive they’re obviously jokey. Anyone else find it quite attractive, I think it’s because his real life persona is so different? Obvs quite like being told what to do deep down 😭

Nope, not the least bit attractive, sorry!

It wouldn’t do it for me. Hopefully it really is just a written jokey thing and does reflect anything fundamental.

Nope

Perhaps he's a Dom and he's easing you in...

I like it. I’m very dominant in my daily work life so love being ‘directed’ - as long as it’s playful - in a romantic way. But a very personal thing!

He could be into BDSM, he might be testing the water, guess it’s up to you if you like that kind of thing.

A bit stern.?🚩🤮
For me it would be a massive red flag, and a total turn off, I’d be dumping him immediately. For others, they might find this alluring. Only you can know. Keep your boundaries tight, and run for the hills if it’s not for you.

I think it's one of those things you might find attractive to start with, but after a few years it would seriously piss me off

He's pushing to see how much he can dominate you. Testing your boundaries. Run.

@Frankleee now read those messages in a Frankie Howerd voice.

Actually, don’t, because then mumsnet wisdom will tell you that he’s not only controlling but also closeted.

If you like it, then it doesn’t matter what would appeal to anyone else.

For the record though, not for me!

No just reading that gave me the ick

before anyone thinks it’s abusive they’re obviously jokey

This is what he is counting on you thinking at this stage, get in further and it will escalate.

You don't seem to know much about sub-dom sexuality. Many couples love it. It's got nothing to do with dominance or control irl

I know plenty about subdom sexuality. But I wasn't talking about sexually necessarily.

I think he's joking OP.

He sounds like an arrogant twat and I'd question if he respects you - if you think he does, then i dont see the issue if you like it - however, I'd steer well clear personally.

So why are you assuming it's actual irl control and aggression and not assuming it's Sub-dom teasing. The OPs post makes it seem much more likely to be the latter.

I didn't mention sexually at all. You've extrapolated to that.

He's trying to push his luck. In my opinion.

Red flags ahoy 🚩

He's testing you for submissiveness and laying the foundations for a Dom dynamic. Not everyone's cup of tea or sense of humour.

No thank you. Ridiculous twat. I don't know if it's playfulness or BDSM but if someone said that to me I would laugh AT them and say goodbye. Being treated with respect is the minimum I expect from a man (and we do joke and all that but not like this)

Haters gonna hate... People are going to find red flags in everything.

If this does it for you, great! Fun and playful will get called childish, rugged and strong will get called abusive before any real context is given... both will be red-flagged here. If its fun for you, you don’t need approval from others, otherwise that seed of planted doubt will grow.

You said it's attractive so run from this post before you change your mind.