New guy a bit stern

[Frankleee]

New guy I’m dating is very playful and funny in life. Sometimes sends jokey messages which are a bit stern but in jest “you need to behave”, “got to bed” - always when I’m joking around or being a bit silly, before anyone thinks it’s abusive they’re obviously jokey. Anyone else find it quite attractive, I think it’s because his real life persona is so different? Obvs quite like being told what to do deep down 😭

Do you find it attractive or are you convincing yourself that you do to accommodate him? Only asking because if you were sure, why are you asking someone else their opinion?
I like a bit of submissiveness now and again but this would have me laughing in his face and telling him to 'fuck off'. I'm assuming you haven't asked him to play a dominant role?

I wouldn't read those things as stern from what you said, I'd read them as 'you've got a crazy sense of humour so get to bed/behave yourself or we'll end up bantering all night long!'
It would just make me laugh personally.

Me too, I think he's joking. Many MNers like to see the worst in people.

Nah that wouldn't be for me.
How far are you happy to let him push and tell you what to do?

Many MNers like to see the worst in people.

Nobody likes to see the worst in people. We often do though because we recognise the early warning signs. It's very easy for us to be completely detached from the situation and make a judgment. Often when you are in the situation it's not so clear. Many people ignore warning signs because they like the person and it's easy to justify the small stuff if you want to. I can guarantee there are more MNers on here is awful relationships - every single day people are posting about their partner who is lively and a good dad, yet is clearly abusive. There are people posting who are trying to get away, looking for advice on what to do. It's not about seeing the worst in people, it's about listening when they tell you who they are.

Text is hard to read you need voice tone with what you have put.

I would largely ignore the text and just deal with the IRL stuff.

This ^

I had a BF in my early twenties (he was late 20’s) who was a great catch. Good looking, successful and very ‘assertive’ swept me off my feet. It started out like this, directing me, joking, but very much marking out he was in charge. It got stronger and stronger until it was clearly a dom/sub kinda relationship. Not whips and chains but he was in charge.

it was actually fun for a while, not having to do/organiser stuff and he treated me very well tbh but I’m not naturally submissive so after I’d enjoyed it for about 6 months I started getting bored and doing my own thing again. He didn’t like that. I left.

Its personal preference but I’d definitely think these are signs he has those tendencies x

Go to bed comment is something that might be said if someone is being drunk and silly it's best they just go to bed before they make more of an ass of themselves. As ever, more context is needed on these threads as hard to say with certainty without knowing what you had said to him.

I would not like this and I agree with pp that it's a potential red flag. I'd test him out by saying 'no' a few times and see how he responds. It does sound like he's checking out how far you'll let him go in controlling you. Maybe he's a bit weak and awkward and can't keep up with the banter, so it's easier to tell you to stop than try to up his conversational skills.

I know what you mean OP and it does it for me too!!

I hate and won't abide being spoken to like that in real life, every day situations but when done in a flirty sexy way from a partner.... bring it on. Something so so sexy about a stern man in the bedroom. Not a red flag at all!