Page 5 | Ex husband's bitterness towards having to pay maintenance

WoopsIdiditagain1 · 04/10/2022 17:38

MrsKeats · 04/10/2022 17:31

No agreement woops
Which is partly why they divorced.
Imagine if the roles were reversed here?

If a man stayed at home, looked after the children and supported his wife to make a lot of money then I would think he deserves support following divorce as well. You give up your career and pension. Look after others 24/7 and then end up alone, up shit creak without a paddle with people labeling you as lazy.

MrsKeats · 04/10/2022 17:41

Nope. A grown adult should be able to support themselves,
Have people no pride?

WoopsIdiditagain1 · 04/10/2022 17:49

MrsKeats · 04/10/2022 17:41

Nope. A grown adult should be able to support themselves,
Have people no pride?

She supported her husband. Without her he wouldn't be in the position he is in. She has been instrumental to his success. The court awarded her the money.

Doingprettywellthanks · 04/10/2022 17:51

TheGoodFighter · 04/10/2022 15:46

Well, when you cheat on your wife and get another woman pregnant, sometimes the wife doesn't feel like making your new life any easier.

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Agreed.

but she actually didn’t want a divorce suggesting she still wanted to be with him

Doingprettywellthanks · 04/10/2022 17:53

MrsKeats · 04/10/2022 17:41

Nope. A grown adult should be able to support themselves,
Have people no pride?

I receive SM
gave up very well paid job so I was primary carer meanwhile ex absolutely flew in career.
we divorced amicably

he agreed that SM was completely reasonable

i am proud (and very happy!)

NalaNana · 04/10/2022 17:58

Of course he isn't going to like having to pay spousal maintenance! Doesn't really matter whether he likes it or not.

If the children are adults I wouldn't worry too much about what they know. I assume they know that he had an affair? If so, what's the problem with them knowing that he's giving you money every month?

Sunnytwobridges · 04/10/2022 18:00

Dirtylittleroses · 04/10/2022 09:00

I don’t understand what you don’t get. He’s split from you, it’s long over and he needs to still pay for you. It’s the ultimate meal ticket. He doesn’t need to like it.

This.

A friend of mine is going thru the same thing. She will half of her husbands retirement for the rest of her life, including his 250k life insurance even if he remarries. He is extremely bitter about this even though they have been divorced over five years. And honestly I'd probably be bitter too.

Doingprettywellthanks · 04/10/2022 18:01

Sunnytwobridges · 04/10/2022 18:00

This.

A friend of mine is going thru the same thing. She will half of her husbands retirement for the rest of her life, including his 250k life insurance even if he remarries. He is extremely bitter about this even though they have been divorced over five years. And honestly I'd probably be bitter too.

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Good on her divorce lawyer for securing that!

Kabalagala · 04/10/2022 18:11

Why is the ex getting even an ounce of support. He betrayed OP in the worst way, destroyed her life. Courts have ordered him to pay maintenance, he can afford it, he should shut up and pay with his tail between his legs. He's a bastard. Milk him dry.

youlightupmyday · 04/10/2022 18:15

Sunnytwobridges · 04/10/2022 18:00

This.

A friend of mine is going thru the same thing. She will half of her husbands retirement for the rest of her life, including his 250k life insurance even if he remarries. He is extremely bitter about this even though they have been divorced over five years. And honestly I'd probably be bitter too.

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But I would imagine this is because she supported his career so that hr got a solid pension, while she did not. I am not sure of the problem.

Also, does it still stand if she remarried? Mine doesn't. And I am planning on remarriage anyway 🤷‍♀️

Soontobe60 · 04/10/2022 18:19

GreyTS · 04/10/2022 09:18

Um, excuse me he's not paying for her he's contributing to the upkeep of HIS children. Im going to take a wild guess that his money doesn't even pay half the bills

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They’re adults!

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/10/2022 18:23

There’s nothing you can do about this other than ignore it.

Point out the basic facts to your kids - which I am sure they are well aware of, and then forget about it.

ThreeLocusts · 04/10/2022 18:41

Hi OP, I say good on you for claiming the spousal maintenance. You're entitled to it and that is as it should be.

My mother forwent the maintenance she was entitled to in order to avoid conflict, and had a less comfortable life in consequence. There's no pressure in that.

He's a twat for skimping on his kids, and for moaning to them. I'd imagine they have his number though, I hope so.

MrsKeats · 04/10/2022 19:35

Entitled' is the right word.

Doingprettywellthanks · 04/10/2022 19:38

MrsKeats · 04/10/2022 19:35

Entitled' is the right word.

too right

”entitled” to the maintenance that an independent judge has deemed reasonable

TheGoodFighter · 04/10/2022 19:41

MrsKeats · 04/10/2022 19:35

Entitled' is the right word.

yes, in the real sense of the word, in that she is absolutely rightly entitled to what she gets and should not be ashamed of doing so.

Is this thread full of MRA's or what?

MrsKeats · 04/10/2022 19:42

And women on here wonder why their boyfriend won't marry them.
This is why.

butterfliedtwo · 04/10/2022 19:51

Sunnytwobridges · 04/10/2022 18:00

This.

A friend of mine is going thru the same thing. She will half of her husbands retirement for the rest of her life, including his 250k life insurance even if he remarries. He is extremely bitter about this even though they have been divorced over five years. And honestly I'd probably be bitter too.

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He should go back to court. So should OP's ex.

Pleasebeafleabite · 04/10/2022 19:57

altmember · 04/10/2022 12:53

Except it's not money towards the upkeep of their children. The children are adults and it's spousal maintenance that he's paying. The children who are missing out are his young children with his current partner, because he's having to send a chunk of their household income to his ex wife.

He should go back to court and ask to have the spousal maintenance revised. Circumstances have changed.

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Perhaps you should ask yourself, why doesn’t he?

Is he was in the Dire Straits you describe I’m sure he’d be straight down to court getting his maintenance cut

Pleasebeafleabite · 04/10/2022 19:59

Enjoying how the AutoCorrect has capitalised Dire Straits.

If he really was Mark Knopfler then I’m sure he could afford the maintenance

Realityloom · 04/10/2022 20:04

badbaduncle · 04/10/2022 09:24

What are you expecting?
He resents it because he wanted to ditch you and move on with no responsibility for his behaviour or responsibilities. You held him to account. Of course he hates it, every time he sends that £ he'll feel utterly impotent and remember all his failures. Is smile and say 'what a shame' and check he pays on time.

Fully agree apart from OP says her kids are adults. All she has to say to the children is can you not relay what your dad says to you please!

altmember · 04/10/2022 22:13

Autumnnights2022 · 04/10/2022 09:36

Yes, he's a very high earner and yes, I have two jobs and have brought the kids up alone. I'm not moaning about either so perplexed as to some of the comments.
My anger is towards the way he brings our kids into the pity party. He's got enough bloody money to feed a local town so why the whinging and making THEM feel bad?
Not sure some of the posters understand the court system.

You've been divorced 6 years and your kids are now adults, yet you brought them up alone?

Dirtylittleroses · 05/10/2022 23:14

I’m so confused, what do you mean how is it fair on the kids, you said they are adults. And how have you brought them up alone and working two jobs to do it?

look it’s a dick move to complain about the fact he has to keep paying for you to the kids, but I can see why he’s isn’t happy, divorce isn’t punitive and his maintenance isn’t punishment, it will be as a judge deemed you’re Incapable of providing for yourself and not being in poverty. Which again makes no sense if you’ve been working two jobs to bring the kids up alone.

all in weird thread

BetterFuture1985 · 09/10/2022 00:50

Autumnnights2022 · 04/10/2022 08:58

Long story short - married a long time. Husband had an affair and got OW pregnant within 3 months of knowing her. Needless to say, he wanted to end the marriage. I did not.
He dragged me through the courts at eye watering costs and has been made to pay a percentage of his salary as maintenance until he retires. We have two kids together.
Move forward 6 years (since we divorced) and he continues to be an utter arse about money, however, he does this via our children as he and I have no contact. He's forever telling our now adult kids that 'he's skint' (then OW posts photos of them on yet another holiday abroad) and yesterday, he told our daughter that the birthday money he promised for her birthday 10 days ago ' would be late, as I have to pay your mum money... so I'll have to ask work for an advance'. Note that 3 weeks ago he had enough money for a deposit on a 4-bed house.
I just don't get it. He used to be the kindest and most generous bloke who loved his kids dearly (he now has two more tiny kids and an extended family in the Philippines).

It really is quite ridiculous that as a grown woman with no children under the age of 18 living with you that you are still dependent on an ex for money. I'd be bitter too if I had someone sponging off me.

BetterFuture1985 · 09/10/2022 00:56

sunlovingcriminal · 04/10/2022 09:23

If the courts have mandated that you get spousal maintenance into the future then they must have determined that you were entitled to it. It is not up to us to be judge and jury if that was their decision.

However, if the kids are adults they can decide not to see their dad. They will be able to see through his charade of not being able to afford birthday money just the same as you can, and eventually they shall vote with their feet.

The courts get it wrong all the time though. They're frequently too hard on the higher earner and too soft on the weaker financial party. Courts are getting tougher but there needs to be some legislation that very, very firmly lays out the responsibility of weaker financial parties to be self supporting and how long they have got to achieve that.

It's also important to remember what spousal maintenance actually is. It's specifically not a share in future income. It's money to meet recipients' needs if they are incapable of meeting their needs themselves. What kind of pathetic individual can't meet their own needs in this day and age?