OLD- should you always avoid men who steer the conversation towards sex?

[Sundaycoffee]

So I'm online dating in my 30s. My profile clearly states I am looking for a relationship no casual sex or friends with benefits.
Chatting to a guy who seemed perfectly nice initially but after a few exchanges kept dropping innuendos into the conversation. For example he asked what I had been up to that day and I told him I accomplished building a bed on my own with a joke about how exciting that sounds. Straight away he sends something along the lines of "that bed probably needs testing with a couple of people to make sure it's secure ;)"
Ignored this and changed the subject and he then made similar comments 2 more times in the conversation. Something about how heating was expensive at the moment and there are other ways WE can keep warm.
I thought it was a bit creepy as I hadn't been receptive to it but he carried on (read the room!)
After the 3rd time I called him out on it and said I'm not really interested in anything casual and his messages were giving those vibes and it's just not what I'm after.
He apologised profusely and said he just has a bit of a jokey, flirty type and sorry if he came across too strong. It's just part of his personality and he didn't mean to make me feel uncomfortable.
Would you give him a second chance or would it be an instant no from you regardless?

My friend does this too. She's an experienced dater but would exchange flirty messages with guys before meeting despite being catfished a few times. One stand out creep, she exchanged numbers with and after sexting a bit, he sent her a phone virus via a link to something!!! Was a real palaver to get it sorted. Luckily stopped before he could rob her bank accounts or whatever was planned. She went to report and block him but he'd deleted his profile. I say 'he' - to this day we have no idea who it was.

Another colleague messaged this guy for over a week, getting flirtier by the day. She thought she was messaging this hot, young stud. When they met he was 20 years older, pot bellied and balding. A week of her life she'd never get back. Plenty of others have sexted the actual guy but he has been reading the Game or PUA techniques - knows all the right things to say to get her into bed, score and then goes back and tells his sleazy friends group all the details. They all start with the same sad innuendos too as they know a woman who doesn't shut them down is a good candidate.

That's why it's best to meet a guy and suss him out before you decide to sext, to make sure he's legit.

OLD is soul destroying. There are so many "options" for people now that I feel that a lot of folk forget it's a living human beings they're treating like a commodity.

I did OLD for about 3 years, had some nice dates but on the whole I found men either wanted one thing, flaked out and cancelled last minute or just couldn't hold a conversation. In the end I deleted them all as I wasn't getting anywhere, was putting too much energy into strangers and it was affecting my mental health.

I also did speed dating and found that fun. You can get a much better feel for someone in person. Personally I find it hard to fancy someone from a photo.

My NY resolution for 2020 was to stop actively looking and at 11.30pm on NYE 2019 I got a message from an old school friend I'd dated in year 1 🤣 in response to a Facebook post. We're getting married in 3 months!

I know is a huge cliché but I do think it's more likely to happen when you least expect it and when you start working on yourself and doing things for you.

No it's not ok. I never had a good experience with men like that. Hold out for men who understand societal norms you won't regret it. OLD is a numbers game and it's important to work through the scarily high number of rubbish ones quickly to get to the right one - you can waste years online otherwise.

i strongly recommend a video call before meeting in person. I learned this trick during the pandemic. It weeds out the bad and saves you sooo much precious time. Finally something good that came out of the pandemic 😷

Totally agree. Juvenile and puerile.

I'd bin anyone making sexually suggestive banter on short acquaintance.

100%
This should be mandatory and everyone has a mobile with a built in camera, there is 0 excuse.

It would weed out plenty of married men, catfish, etc.
A chance to see what they really look like and their mannerisms.

Itd save women a lot of time and money.

@Sundaycoffee I would give him a break and see how he is in person - at least he's self aware enough to be sorry he upset you and apologise.

Personally I don't think people should if they have half a brain be flirty with people they haven't actually met. Better for conversation to be just as friends and see if there's any connection in person-

There are some people though (men and women) who seem to think it's expected, .

@madasawethen

'Dick is high supply and low value'

Ha, ha- needs to be the mission statement at top of mumsnet relationships!!! It is so very true of so many men it seems

@Sandra1984 I agree with the idea of video calls too. Otherwise, as everyone puts a good pic up, you don't know if you'll find them unattractive and a date might be a complete waste of time.

Well but can't the video be misleading too? People look shorter and/or taller on video than they really are, and really pixelated :)

His brain’s in his dick.
It wouldn’t get off the starting block if I was in your position.

Straight to the bottom of the pile that one.

I just crammed "bottom" and "pile" in one sentence!! Loooool! Anyone want a date? Nah, didn't think so - you're all too "anal" to get laid! 🤣

Good one Queen

best advice!

He sounds like a character from a sexist 1970s sit-com (too numerous to list). Also what is it with these men who love showing their dick to random women. The only person who finds it remotely attractive is it’s owner 🙄