Husband following women on Facebook

[Notbeinfunnehbut]

We had a conversation about instagram models earlier on this year
out of curiosity I typed into Facebook his name and clicked on photos to see what he was looking at based on something I read on here
low and behold amongst normal stuff , loads of onlyfans style pictures of women
they aren’t friends it’s more pages I think but following
the likes and images don’t pop up on my newsfeed I really hope they don’t pop up on other peoples 😞

I can’t really bring it up right now, but a lot of the likes are recent id have to bring it up at the right time , I’m just trying to unpack this
in his mind I don’t think he gets it
sorry to offload

The fact that you consider that a hop and a skip to child rape porn is indicative of your issues, not mine.

once again you’re twisting words and intentions. You made a general comment about not caring what he looks at. That’s why porn and everything that entails came up. And yes, liking and admiring sexy photos online isn’t that far from porn. At all.

I twisted nothing.

How does he ensure he doesn’t come across child rape and bestiality? The same way the rest of the world does? What does that question even mean? Do you find you have to take special steps to avoid coming across those things? As I assure you, that’s not normal.

I’m going to stop engaging with this lunacy, now.

How does he ensure he doesn’t come across child rape and bestiality? The same way the rest of the world does? What does that question even mean? Do you find you have to take special steps to avoid coming across those things? As I assure you, that’s not normal.

shall we go over it again?
you made the comment you don’t care what he looks at. Photos online can and do include porn. As I said, it’s well known and fairly obvious too, that with online porn and things like Only Fans or anything where it is unregulated and uploaded by ordinary people, the sites and the users cannot be assured of age or consent. I mean you’d have to be living in a small bubble to have missed the conversations on this and revenge porn and PornHub having to erase millions of videos that included children and instances of rape.

I mean, Instagram just got into legal trouble for allowing videos promoting SUICIDE which they actually defended in court. Ffs.

I typed into Facebook his name and clicked on photos to see what he was looking at based on something I read on here low and behold amongst normal stuff , loads of onlyfans style pictures of women they aren’t friends

I have no issue with my partner doing this sort of online activity. I do not monitor it, but through over the shoulder know he does follow usually female Cosplayers in sexy costumes and a few female miniature painters/gamers who also post sexy pictures. Most women do post at least few sexy pictures on their accounts, some nothing but sexy pictures. It’s their choice really and some of them are gorgeous and more power to them really.

I really do not care about this. It’s not an emotional affair. There’s no sex happening. I don’t know if it’s a wank bank or not, but still do not care because I don’t require my partner to “only think about me” when wanking (I know I don’t only think about him when wanking..). I don’t think it’s “disrespectful”- that just sounds like an excuse to control a partner in this sort of situation imho.

So even though @Tsort and I don’t usually agree, I’m with her on this, while my line is different because an affair can be sex or emotional, I also don’t care what womens photos my partner looks at on mainstream social media.

I also think turning this comment obviously about following adult women on SM who post sexy photos into a debate about prostitutes, child abuse images, pornography and what not is frankly ridiculous. It’s simply not the case that if you “let” a partner look at and follow sexy women on Facebook they’re going to suddenly turn into a sex crazed deviant that pays prostitutes for sex and gets a dark web account to watch child abuse videos and porn. That is some paranoid shit right there.

I also don’t care what womens photos my partner looks at on mainstream social media.

I think this is because you are naive about what is on ‘mainstream social media’ as if that means every little thing is properly checked for age and consent when that’s actually impossible. As someone in IT I can tell you, it just isn’t possible to make sure things are legal and legitimate consented vids or photos when they’re uploaded by Joe public. There’s so much in the news about this topic I think it’s way stranger for other users not to understand what we are talking about and think it’s ‘dramatic’ or paranoid. We all have our own relationship boundaries which clearly differ. But it’s about the important issues of verification online. There’s loads of court cases against online platforms over it.

they’re going to suddenly turn into a sex crazed deviant that pays prostitutes for sex and gets a dark web account to watch child abuse videos and porn

this is a deliberate and unhelpful twisting of what’s been said. Read it properly. Your partner will not be able to verify age or consent. Teenage girls are exploited on these mainstream platforms daily.

I think that’s the responsibility of the SM companies to get a grip on and not going to blame any adult SM user for underage accounts popping up on them now and then.

Like you, I know my partner. He’s a survivor of CSA. He has a criminal justice degree AND he worked in cyber crime for several years tracking down child abuse images & videos and tracing origins and electronic distribution, putting together computer forensic cases to prosecute and break up child abuse rings.

I am secure in my relationship and I trust my partner. I do not need to have the same boundaries as you. He’s not a manchild, I don’t need to monitor him.

OP is free to have her boundaries and I’m equally free to disagree that these are absolutely necessary boundaries or that they a universal ones which all women should impose.

He's a sleezy twat. I'd kick his sorry arse out

He’s well trained to degree level and through prior jobs on how to spot underage photos and accounts. He would instantly report any that pop up to the authorities and would never in a million years consciously search for, follow or like anything like that.

He gets it. He just doesn't care.
You've already talked to him about it and he keeps on.

My ex used to do this. Well I'm sure he still does but note he's now my ex.
It started with likes and comments then dms. He ended up in an EA.

Men who do this feel entitled. They're leaving the door open to an encounter.

As for what to do. You've pretty much have 2 choices.

You’re free to boycott Facebook, Insta, or whatever other mainstream SM if you think it is that dangerous, but not to demand your partner does imho. And yes, you are freaking out and over reacting. Facebook isn’t some online pedophile, rapist haven.

@Discovereads I am secure in my relationship and I trust my partner. I do not need to have the same boundaries as you. He’s not a manchild, I don’t need to monitor him.

ypu should really learn to read comments better. Boundaries are not the same as monitoring. I have boundaries, so does my DH, we both respect each other’s. Nobody monitors anyone. Like I just said. My DH isn’t a man child either thank you very much.

Facebook isn’t some online pedophile, rapist haven.

oh to be so fucking ignorant and naive. Nobody reads the news around here? Read Twitter T & C’s lately? Pedophiles are now called ‘minor attracted persons’ and are allowed to discuss their attractions openly on twitter as long as they don’t share photos.

Do others realise rape isn’t always obvious to the porn addicted viewer? You absolutely cannot be certain of age by looking. You cannot be certain of consent of either sex or even the filming!! Even with a degree ( wtf??? ) One woman fought for 3 years to have her rape removed from online mainstream sites. Fgs. I give up. This is why women are fucked. Other women.

You should read my comments better. I only wrote “as you” for boundaries as ours are different. I recall perfectly that you personally also do not monitor. That’s why “I don’t need to monitor” was written as a general statement among others to all and sundry. If I had meant it to be specifically about you I would have written “Unlike you, I don’t need to monitor” or some such.

You literally referenced me and my boundaries the sentence before. You directed it at me.

In a sworn statement to the SEC, which regulates securities markets and protects investors, the individual said there was no solution to illegal material at Facebook because there had not been "adequate assets devoted to the problem".
They claim that a small team set up to develop software which could detect indecent videos of children was broken up and redeployed, because it was seen as "too complex".
Facebook says it uses technology known as PhotoDNA and VideoDNA, which automatically scan for known child abuse images - each image recovered by law enforcement worldwide and referred to the American National Centre for Missing and Exploited Children, is given a unique identifying code.
Other accusations from the whistleblower include:
Facebook doesn't know the full scale of the problem of child abuse material because it "doesn't track it"
A constant question allegedly asked by senior managers was "what's the return on investment?"
The whistleblower told the SEC that this was a legitimate business question, "but not when it comes to public safety issues as critical as child sex abuse".
In the five-page legal document there was also a warning about Facebook "Groups", which were described as "facilitating harm".
The groups, many of which are only visible to members, is where "a lot of terrifying and abhorrent behaviours occur".
Paedophiles "use code words to describe the type of child, the type of sexual activity...they use Facebook's encrypted Messenger service or Whatsapp to share these codes, which change routinely.
"Facebook's system depends on a self-policing model that can't rationally or reasonably be enforced".

www.bbc.com/news/technology-59063768.amp

This isn’t a thread about porn addiction. Looking at and following adult women on Facebook who have sexy photos is not even in the same universe as having a porn addiction. I’m not “so fucking ignorant and naive” for pointing this out. I’m actually being quite rational and informed.

Yes. I did. About your boundaries which clearly are not the same as mine.
The full stop at the end of a sentence indicates a complete message. You can’t mix and match dependent clauses from different sentences and act like an “as you do” clause from a sentence only about boundaries also then applies to a sentence later on only about monitoring.