Husband following women on Facebook

[Notbeinfunnehbut]

We had a conversation about instagram models earlier on this year
out of curiosity I typed into Facebook his name and clicked on photos to see what he was looking at based on something I read on here
low and behold amongst normal stuff , loads of onlyfans style pictures of women
they aren’t friends it’s more pages I think but following
the likes and images don’t pop up on my newsfeed I really hope they don’t pop up on other peoples 😞

I can’t really bring it up right now, but a lot of the likes are recent id have to bring it up at the right time , I’m just trying to unpack this
in his mind I don’t think he gets it
sorry to offload

Ahh, OP, that's really shit and disrespectful.

I think you need to re impose some basic ground rules for the relationship. Otherwise, you'll forever be feeling like this.

@CookPassBabtridge - As an aside, do you know any parallel tips for other social media platforms?

Creepy, pervy and disrespectful.

It would be a deal breaker for me in afraid. Why should you have to put up with shit like that? I would leave him to his insta and OF models.

@grouchygirl If a woman is having to impose ground rules to get the most basic respect off a man then she's already on to a loser.

The best way to handle these men is to just leave them. They don't deserve a RL womans attention.

Sadly it’s not that straightforward with kids and being financially dependent especially with everything going on

I had a word about instagram earlier in the year he deleted a load but I discovered he has been re following people on there , in fairness not all are women but a lot are

and then ….. I discovered Facebook, the likes are fairly recent there as well

its very sad it’s the feeling as soon as my back was turned it’s started up again, no intention of stopping,

i am taking everything on board just finding a good time to bring it up

thanks all who posted

Instagram used to have a bit where you could see what friends were liking but they removed it.. maybe because of amateur detectives like us 😂

So with other platforms it's just a case of looking at who they're following, finding someone who looks provocative then seeing if your DP has liked it.. I think it shows below the post if one of your friends has liked it "blahblahblah and 2636 others have liked this post" or something.
Seeing who likes your DP posts and following the trail that way.
Snapchat is all quite hidden.

In facebook if you go to "see blahblahs about info" it can show you pages they follow.
Through the photos tip I shared before you can see photos they've liked from groups (might be a pervy group), then you can search the group for their name and it'll show if they've commented on anything.

Also everyones personal profile has a search function, under the 3 dots. So find a profile your DP has been liking and search their profile and it will reveal comments they've made.

You might be someone whose DP doesn't like anything but he still might be one who adds 1000s to perve on, even if their friends list is hidden you go to your friend suggestions and it'll bring up people he is friends with and show him as a mutual friend, then you can see their profile.

I know this is all tame against cheating and using prostitutes etc but it can reveal a lot about someone still!

What I don't get is why them being able to be sleazy is more in important than making your girlfriend/wife secure? What is missing in them? It reveals a lot about who they are as a man and how their ego works.
These empty interactions can't compete with the love and attention of a real woman.. but they end up losing that.

Sadly it’s not that straightforward with kids and being financially dependent especially with everything going on

is this the only reason?

I just find it so sad so many women aren’t respected by their male partners. My DH isn’t on SM, he hates all of it and we both know neither of us would want behaviour like that nor do we want to do it. Why are these men doing this? It’s so creepy and weird to still be wanking over other women! I would not put up with it for a single second. I’d rather live in a box on the street then be disrespected and humiliated like that. Ditto porn, eew, you know a lot of that is rape and trafficked children right? Really gross.

another reason everyone, be financially independent. Know how to take care of yourself.

I’ve just tried the following thing and the search thing it shows nothing so I wonder if he’s put something in place to avoid me seeing it but a few have slipped through the net ?

The dopamine rush from looking at those images is extremely addictive.
It's a pretty difficult habit to break.

I imagine that’s true Aikko

i do understand porn is a shady issue,

I feel like I can’t attempt to police what someone does in private

but hopefully can ask for some public respect which obviously isn’t happening atm

I feel like I can’t attempt to police what someone does in private

of course you can, it’s your partner. What would you police? Sex with prostitutes? What’s the line?

Sex with anyone would be my line. I don’t care what he looks at.

And I don’t agree that ‘of course you can’ police what your partner does in private by themselves. To draw parallels between liking photos and having sex with prostitutes is…odd.

To draw parallels between liking photos and having sex with prostitutes is…odd.

No it isn’t. It’s asking what the line is. Admiring other women publicly and/or wanking ti their photos is gross and disrespectful to your partner. It’s also a sign he seeks out other women to fulfil sexual desires. I guess a lot of women accept being disrespected. I don’t. This makes her uncomfortable so that’s really what matters. If you can’t say that ti your partner, you have a relationship problem that only gets worse with time.

I think everything you’ve said here is nuts. Literally every sentence. And quite scary.

I think everything you’ve said here is nuts. Literally every sentence. And quite scary.

scary to think men in relationships shouldn’t wank over other women’s photos or sleep with them? They’re my boundaries, clearly not yours but ‘scary’ gosh you are dramatic! Having boundaries with partners is quite normal actually and people like you are the ones making women feel bad or prudish for having them. So call me nuts, whatever, I’m not in a long term relationship with you thankfully!

Sure, I’m the one being dramatic.

how is it your partner 100 percent garanteed the women he’s looking at are NOT minors?

he isn’t, nobody looking at porn can guarantee that and as a big investigation found out, pornhub had underage videos and rape on there for years and years. They’ve taken a lot down but there’s no way they can know what it is people are watching. The number 1 search on pornhub is: teenage anal rape. The young woman gang raped and burnt alive had the whole thing filmed and put on that site, 8 million men searched for it. So I don’t think I’m dramatic at all. Not one bit.

Yet more hyperbole to justify being controlling. If I don’t feel entitled to or need to monitor my partner, I’m cool with animal and child rape?

I trust my partner isn’t into bestiality or paedophilia I know, love and trust the man I married. If the only way you can be sure of those things is by monitoring yours, then you have my sympathies.

I could never be with a man who didn’t care deeply about such issues

exactly. I don’t need to monitor my DH, he cares about these issues as a father to girls and a decent man, as much as I do. He also doesn’t accept me looking at such things online, including other naked men. Nobody monitors each other as we have trust. But our boundaries and morals are clear and were before we married.

And if this were a post about porn, all of that would be relevant. It’s not, though, is it? It’s a post about liking and following women on Instagram and policing your partner’s privacy. The fact that you consider that a hop and a skip to child rape porn is indicative of your issues, not mine.

I don’t care what he looks at

This is what you said. @Bluequilt is saying you should because you cannot be sure of age and consent with online photos and videos. That’s the point that’s gone right over your head.