Would you date a heavy drinker?

[AllIdoiswork]

Just that really. Drink plays a very important part in this guy's life both socially and at home. He always has a drink on the go and when I go to his house there is always a glass of cider on the side! Any social event involves drinking and I noticed that he takes cans of cider to work (manual profession). His hands shake although he says that's because of something else! I think its the drink. I am not a big drinker myself but it bothers me. Thoughts?

@AllIdoiswork I think most alcoholics are 'functioning,' or at least plenty are, they hold down a job if that's what you mean.

But it will eventually effect their physical and mental health somewhat, and their relationships, maybe finances etc. Several spheres of their life.

Being 'functioning' doesn't mean it's any less severe.

@AllIdoiswork Do you think your mum is an alcoholic? Is finding it hard to acknowledge that the reason why you find it hard to use the word about this obvious alkie?💐

Absolutely not. Never in a million years. Taking cans to work in a manual job is a massive red flag!

Hmm, anyone I've known who drinks a lot, and choses cider as their tipple, is drinking for the alcohol, not flavour and enjoyment - it's the cheapest brew with the highest alcohol content- that's why they pick cider.

I love a party guy but I wouldn't go there no. There has to be real life too.
He'd cause you grief. Your call.

This above 👆

I had a a family member and a family friend both killed by drink drivers, one decapitated at the scene. The other didn't survive more than a few hours. Very horrific traumatic incidents which should never have happened. It's breaks families and communities apart when things like this happen, even 20 years on it still effects the families.

I wouldn't hesitate to report anyone related or not if I had an idea they were drink driving.

Nope and that's from someone who loves a drink

They all function .. until they don't

Run for the hills

No, not this. A couple of drinks on a Friday and Saturday, or even a big night out every now and again I’d have no problem with and would happily join in, but this guy is clearly dependent on alcohol. I think the cider smell, smell of stale cider, and the stench of the cider farts would make this one a hard no from me.

No...I was married to a high functioning alcoholic. It ended badly when he battered me unconscious one evening.

So no...never again.

Someone who drinks to excess where they feel the need to take alcohol to work, is seriously not worth the hassle.
My next door neighbours for many years had severe problems due to her husband liking a drink, within two years he was a functioning alcoholic, the arguments began on a Sunday night after he had been in the pub all day, would miss his Sunday lunch so he would come home to find it in the bin. He was that pissed he began to become verbally abusive to her. He changed completely. Luckily this man didn't drive, but he used to stagger to the bus every morning when the alcoholism hot worse and worse that he was having two cans of beer with toast before work in weekdays.
His alcoholism hot worse and worse that his wife refused alcohol in the house, he would go straight to the pub after work and become so obliterated he would almost crawl through the door, proceed to his chair carrying more cans and she would find him slumped in vomit and piss every single morning.
He denied he had a problem and began getting extremely violent, police would be there very regularly as she would end up beaten but refuse to press charges. We watched this lovely couple turn from a kind hardworking man into a drunken monster, a beautiful kind, caring, strong independent woman turn into a mouse for fear of the next punch or if he had blew all his wages at the pub. Sadly he did die in his sleep through severe alcohol, he had vomited and lost consciousness and died. She found him and bless her it tipped her over the edge, she blamed herself, ended up suffering mentally from the years of abuse and the trauma of finding him dead. She ended up on a psych ward and when she was finally more stable decided to move as couldn't bear to be in the house again. We kept in touch, but sadly the communication got less and less from her. We found out months later online that she took her own life, so not only did he screw up his own life he destroyed hers too.

Honestly, no relationship is worth the turmoil of alcoholism. Walk away

Never.

Not a cat in hell's chance.

Dated someone almost exactly as you describe. I had over 4 years of absolute misery with him before I saw sense. He is still following the same pattern but I got out and am so much better off - emotionally, financially and in every area of my life.

He will drain your finances, your time and your energy as the drink will always take priority. Get out fore you become invested.

This - run as fast as you can!

I'm so sorry to hear that@SacredDeer

That’s incredibly sad 😢

as someone in the midst of leaving my heavy drinking DH, run for your life gal!

@OldFan No I don't think my mum was an alcoholic but became dangerously close at one point. She did manage to cut it right down. She died from cancer 16 years ago. I definitely think its affected his mental health. I think he is an alcoholic. I suffer terribly from self-esteem and so badly wanted to be wrong but there isn't one comment from anyone here that suggests he is anything but that. Many thanks.

16 years together with 12 of those years married. I saw my exH deteriorate to the point of visibly shaking and drinking on his way to work, at work and would hear him dropping empty cider cans into the recycling as he came home (this was when he could actually hold a job down).
I stayed with him as he was a nice person, I fortunately didn’t suffer any violence at his hands nor abuse but his drinking still ended us and it’s a miserable, frustrating life with an alcoholic / alcohol dependent whatever you want to call them.
Get out while you can.