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Original poster

Would you date a heavy drinker?

118 replies

AllIdoiswork · 29/09/2022 09:40

Just that really. Drink plays a very important part in this guy's life both socially and at home. He always has a drink on the go and when I go to his house there is always a glass of cider on the side! Any social event involves drinking and I noticed that he takes cans of cider to work (manual profession). His hands shake although he says that's because of something else! I think its the drink. I am not a big drinker myself but it bothers me. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Blackbirdblue30 · 29/09/2022 10:07

No. I had an ex with alcohol issues. I certainly enjoy a few drinks but any adult who can't cope without it/gets messy and out of control when they drink should be a firm no. Taking cans to work, really??
I read an excellent quotation when I was doing break up aftermath with that ex (can't remember source): 'Alcoholics don't have relationships. They take hostages.'
Bin him.

Eatingjumper · 29/09/2022 10:08

My best friend is living the repercussions of this kind of man right now. When they were dating and in the early days of their marriage he was a great laugh, they were always out and having fun....and drinking 12 cans before even leaving the house. Now they have 2 kids and a mortgage, and the party has stopped for her. He drinks every single night, well into the wee hours. He gives up jobs all the time because he can't be bothered. He is regularly too hungover to parent to it's all on her. She won't admit what the actual elephant in the room is yet. Personally, my dad was like this growing up and I wouldn't live it again for anyone. I wouldn't have my kids within a country mile of it. The man you describe is an alcoholic. Choose wisely.

SquishyGloopyBum · 29/09/2022 10:09

You seem fairly blasé about this op. Calling him a heavy drinker in your op and saying he takes alcohol to work.

Believe me, this is just what you are seeing. There will be more behind the scenes.

He's an alcoholic.

Please don't think you can rescue him. It shouldn't even be a question on here. Why are you considering it?

readingismycardio · 29/09/2022 10:10

Why would anyone?!?

SwordToFlamethrower · 29/09/2022 10:10

No, nor a smoker.

Eatingjumper · 29/09/2022 10:10

Blackbirdblue30 · 29/09/2022 10:07

No. I had an ex with alcohol issues. I certainly enjoy a few drinks but any adult who can't cope without it/gets messy and out of control when they drink should be a firm no. Taking cans to work, really??
I read an excellent quotation when I was doing break up aftermath with that ex (can't remember source): 'Alcoholics don't have relationships. They take hostages.'
Bin him.

God, this quote is so true. My whole childhood from about 8yrs up, our whole family life revolved around it. Hostages is right!

SuperNoodle87 · 29/09/2022 10:11

Nope

Explaintome · 29/09/2022 10:12

No. I like a drink socially and as PP, would probably find it difficult to date someone who doesn't drink at all, which is probably an indication that my drinking is a problem, but this goes way beyond that

SusanPerbCallMeSue · 29/09/2022 10:16

Nope no no way.

My ex was a functioning alcoholic. He's not a functioning alcoholic anymore. And I'm so glad me and my kids are not having to live with it now he's gone severely downhill.

MingeofDeath · 29/09/2022 10:17

Joining the chorus of "Nos"

Original poster
AllIdoiswork · 29/09/2022 10:20

@SquishyGloopyBum Sorry I don't mean to come across blasé. Believe me I had a mum who drank too much. I suppose I have noticed things about him that I don't like/couldn't live with and didn't want to cloud everyone elses opinion with mine. Its not a relationship I will pursue.

OP posts:
Minikievs · 29/09/2022 10:20

I like a drink but no. This is too much. He's an alcoholic.

2pinkginsplease · 29/09/2022 10:21

That’s not a heavy drinker that’s an alcoholic.

I’ve seen the destruction this causes to families and would never date or stay with an alcoholic.

hashbrownsandwich · 29/09/2022 10:22

I love a drink and so does my husband, we met when he owned a pub. However, drinking during the day regularly or at work would be a massive, massive red flag!

sheener · 29/09/2022 10:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

thefartingfish · 29/09/2022 10:24

Nope-you will always be second best to a pint of beer

MacarenaMacarena · 29/09/2022 10:24

Does he drive? Sounds like he must be permanently over the limit. Losing his licence seems likely, then work could get tricky.

Original poster
AllIdoiswork · 29/09/2022 10:24

@sheener believe me, his hands shake!

OP posts:
Original poster
AllIdoiswork · 29/09/2022 10:26

@MacarenaMacarena Yes he drives and yes he must be over the limit (in my opinion).

OP posts:
hashbrownsandwich · 29/09/2022 10:30

Honestly @AllIdoiswork run for the friggin hills!

GreenManalishi · 29/09/2022 10:34

No I wouldn't knowingly start a relationhip with a man that was alcohol dependant. Why would you?

HappyHamsters · 29/09/2022 10:38

He is an alcoholic but you know that. Does his employer know he drinks at work especially as he is driving, they would not be pleased.

LittlePet · 29/09/2022 10:40

No.
I'm married to who is alcohol dependent (evenings only but still) and I would never choose this again.

Justcashnosweets · 29/09/2022 10:41

Nope. Been there before and it almost ruined my life. Bin him.

wellhelloitsme · 29/09/2022 10:41

AllIdoiswork · 29/09/2022 10:07

I think he is a functioning alcoholic tbh. I like to drink socially and at a party but not like that! There are enough bottles and cans in his recycling bin for the whole street!

Gently OP, it's a bit worrying you're even considering someone you think is a functioning alcoholic and you think shakes due to the level of his alcohol use.

Have you had relationships with addicts before and so have less stringent boundaries on this than most people?