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Original poster

Would you date a heavy drinker?

118 replies

AllIdoiswork · 29/09/2022 09:40

Just that really. Drink plays a very important part in this guy's life both socially and at home. He always has a drink on the go and when I go to his house there is always a glass of cider on the side! Any social event involves drinking and I noticed that he takes cans of cider to work (manual profession). His hands shake although he says that's because of something else! I think its the drink. I am not a big drinker myself but it bothers me. Thoughts?

OP posts:
FrancyNancy · 29/09/2022 12:46

My father was a heavy drinker and borderline alcoholic, so personally, I would never date somebody who drinks that much. Just because I would be scarred for history repeating itself. My mum did not have a great life with him. Oh, and he had an ischaemic stroke recently, so now my mum has to take care of him 24/7.

Lolacat1234 · 29/09/2022 12:48

Shaking hands - taking alcohol to work. He's an alcoholic. Don't get involved.

babyyodaxmas · 29/09/2022 12:49

Run as far and as fast as you can

TheYearOfSmallThings · 29/09/2022 12:51

Absolutely not.

Shlomping1234 · 29/09/2022 13:23

He's an alcoholic not alcohol dependent.

Scotabroad24 · 29/09/2022 13:30

Fuck no. Run far far away and don't look back. It will take over your life and you will always be second best to the booze

Ofcourseshecan · 29/09/2022 13:42

Would you date a heavy drinker?

Not in a million years. I've worked with alcoholics, and that was bad enough: I had to do their work as well as my own! One was absolutely charming before lunchtime, I quite fancied him at first tbh. But having to carry someone else's workload is a real passion-killer. And I saw him deteriorate over the years, which was sad.

Much worse, I've seen the misery it caused in my own extended family. It has passed down through generations because it affected the alcoholic's children so badly. Even though those now-adult children didn't drink, they were damaged and have passed on some damage to their own children. It's sad.

DillonPanthersTexas · 29/09/2022 13:45

What is his job? Is he driving to work, does he operate heavy machinery or responsible for others?

Original poster
AllIdoiswork · 29/09/2022 13:48

@DillonPanthersTexas I have spoken to a police officer friend. She is going to do a bit of digging so I feel relieved.
Thanks to everyone who has confirmed my beliefs. Its much appreciated and I am sorry its been a painful post for some.

OP posts:
darisdet · 29/09/2022 13:57

Definitely not.

Always4Brenner · 29/09/2022 14:04

Definitely not. No dates ever again.

fairtrauchled · 29/09/2022 14:25

Absolutely not.

MacarenaMacarena · 29/09/2022 14:28

AllIdoiswork · 29/09/2022 10:26

@MacarenaMacarena Yes he drives and yes he must be over the limit (in my opinion).

I wonder if he might respond positively to you buying some blow-things to test intoxication before he drives? Would it bring home to him the danger he is in and the danger he poses to others, or would he be nasty about it? If the latter, I would contact the police and let them catch him over the limit. He must not be allowed to drive intoxicated.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 29/09/2022 14:29

AllIdoiswork · 29/09/2022 09:40

Just that really. Drink plays a very important part in this guy's life both socially and at home. He always has a drink on the go and when I go to his house there is always a glass of cider on the side! Any social event involves drinking and I noticed that he takes cans of cider to work (manual profession). His hands shake although he says that's because of something else! I think its the drink. I am not a big drinker myself but it bothers me. Thoughts?

NO!

Never in a million years.

Highlighta · 29/09/2022 14:33

God no. Would not have even given this one a second thought after knowing this information.

I dated a functional alcoholic. I knew he liked a drink when I met him, but there was no way I was prepared for the reality of a relationship under these circumstances.

You are doing the right thing x 1000 by giving this one a major swerve.

Highlighta · 29/09/2022 14:36

MacarenaMacarena · 29/09/2022 14:28

I wonder if he might respond positively to you buying some blow-things to test intoxication before he drives? Would it bring home to him the danger he is in and the danger he poses to others, or would he be nasty about it? If the latter, I would contact the police and let them catch him over the limit. He must not be allowed to drive intoxicated.

Show quote history

I doubt very much he would respond positively.

I don't think OP should involve herself here, possibly an anon call to police if she knew he was driving under the influence. But that is it.

Walk away OP.

altmember · 29/09/2022 14:37

He's not single, he's already married - to alcohol. Only an equally heavy drinker would have a chance of fitting into this relationship.

Do not go into it trying to see the best, that he might change/you can change him. Because you'll either fail, or turn him into a completely different, but sober person that you dislike.

BarrelOfOtters · 29/09/2022 14:46

Went out very briefly with a heavy drinker...then I realised that the cans of REd Bull that he had for his hangover in the morning actually had vodka in them....

Mimilamore · 29/09/2022 22:15

Don't ... it will get worse and worse and you will find yourself coming second to the all important drink and hating him for it

EwwSprouts · 29/09/2022 23:02

Just no.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 29/09/2022 23:30

Absolutely not. I was married to one and that taught me a very good lesson.

feelingfree17 · 29/09/2022 23:43

Run, run and then Run some more!
Seriously!

Luredbyapomegranate · 29/09/2022 23:58

I can’t believe you are asking. No.

Marchmount · 30/09/2022 00:19

I did. Twice. And it was lots of fun until it really really wasn’t. Please walk away OP whilst you can still exit without any trauma.

Sunnytwobridges · 30/09/2022 00:31

My parents were heavy drinkers which made my life miserable as a child and an adult. I'm a social drinker - probably go out for drinks four or five times a year - which I would be ok with someone that drinks when out with friends but keeping it under control. More than that I couldn't deal with.

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