Would you date a heavy drinker?

[AllIdoiswork]

Just that really. Drink plays a very important part in this guy's life both socially and at home. He always has a drink on the go and when I go to his house there is always a glass of cider on the side! Any social event involves drinking and I noticed that he takes cans of cider to work (manual profession). His hands shake although he says that's because of something else! I think its the drink. I am not a big drinker myself but it bothers me. Thoughts?

Nope. I'm fact I have turned someone down because they drank far too much. Not my thing I'm afraid.

Sorry just saw you said your mum was also a drinker. It may be that that has given you skewed boundaries when it comes to addicts so it's really great you're going to walk away from this guy.

As someone who is married to a functioning alcoholic, just fucking run.

Taking cans to work goes beyond liking a drink though doesn't it? I think you should run a mile.

Absolutely not, I'm teetotal and have been for 30 years following a bout of alcoholism. I don't want to be around people who drink.

Yeah that's a functioning alcoholic.

You can hide a lot well, but the shakes is a massive give away if people recognise the sign.

And if he's driving over the limit I would always, always report it.

I nearly lost my life thanks to a drunk driver and the injures are lifelong.

They are so incredibly selfish and it's a massively under reported crime.

No way.

Thank you all and I appreciate everyone's comments. I won't be pursuing this relationship! I'm worth more than a can of cider and an evening in the pub!!!!

Agree

He's an alcoholic, what "something else"? What did he say it was?

he's blatantly an alcoholic and no sane person would go out with one, no.

You wouldn't if, like me, you like a drink because bad combo! you wouldn't if you're like you either. Look for someone who wants to live the same life as you otherwise enjoy abject misery.

Can't think of any positives

RUN for the HILLS.

I don’t really get the whole functioning alcoholic thing, most alcoholics function till they get to the last stage, he’s just an alcoholic.

if he’s always got a drink on the go and even drinks at work then yes it’s likely he is an alcoholic. I’d not wish to ne involved personally

Good decision not to continue, OP. Eventually sex life wouldn’t be too great either.

He's an alcoholic. No doubt.

Taking drinks to work was the real giveaway to me.

I was in a relationship with an alcoholic when I was in my 20s. It didn't show at the start when we were mainly on nights out with or without friends and everyone was drunk. He was always thoughtful, kind and lovely - but when it came to moving things forward - doing non-social things, building a life together - the wine always came before me. He literally couldn't cope without a glass or two of wine in his system. I was with him for several months and I think I saw him properly sober only once, and I was shocked at how different, how nervous, he felt. That was when I knew there was no future in it.

This sounds exactly like a relationship I had many years ago. At first I just thought he liked a drink and enjoyed socialising at the pub. As time went on it dawned on me that he seemed to need to drink every day, and then I noticed the shakes. He had a good job, but the job needed steady hands and he started taking more and more sick days when he couldn't control the shakes. I vividly remember his hands shaking so badly that he couldn't hold a cup and me holding a mug of red wine to his lips at 8am just so he could drink enough alcohol to stop the shakes enough for him to get to work. Don't be me Op, this relationship has no happy ending for you, better to end it now.

I'm worth more than a can of cider and an evening in the pub

You most definitely are Op.

Absolutely not. Instant dealbreaker

No way would I date. Far too much drama and aggro to come if you do!

I hope he's not driving when he takes his cans of cider to work.

Oh, and run for the hills.

I couldn't date a functioning alcoholic. It will lead to hurt one day, he'll be on his best behaviour at the moment and the drinking will be worse than it seems.

Oh dear. I'm a nightly wine drinker, but not during the day and I don't think I could date someone who feels constrained to take drinks to work. The shakes are also not a good sign. I'd avoid if it was me.

I'd run for the hills. He's dependent, just about functioning - but they tend to stop functioning. My late husband was an alcoholic and he put us through 5 years of ever increasing misery. The last year was hell.

Cider's a red flag, some brands are v high in alcohol and are alkie faves for that reason.