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Original poster

Perfect but his....

129 replies

Cakeycrumbz · 26/09/2022 20:44

Found a guy I love talking to. Connected so well..talk everyday..he makes me laugh. He's easy to say anything to. Good looking in photos. Really clicked and then a mutual friend told me he smiles with his mouth closed because he's got teeth missing at the top at the front.

I managed to find a video of him on fb and can see the shape of his mouth isn't right and yep he's got teeth missing. It's completely put me off and I'm gutted as in every other way he's wonderful

Has anyone else ever had this happen? Or something else?

I don't know how to wriggle back out the situation as I was pretty much ready to meet him. Feel so terrible. What can I possibly say to him?

OP posts:
darksideofthemooncup · 27/09/2022 15:10

They don't last forever either, they usually will need to be replaced after roughly 10 years. I have no idea how the prices are justified to be honest

Aquamarine1029 · 27/09/2022 15:14

Having standards and finding certain things unattractive is not shallow, FFS. Are women just supposed to fuck/date anyone, whether they want to or not, under the guise of never being "shallow", no matter how they feel about it? If you don't like the shoes a man wears, that's reason enough to end it. A woman can end a relationship for any damn reason she wants to.

darksideofthemooncup · 27/09/2022 15:17

Aquamarine of course anyone is entitled to make a decision on dating someone for any reason, I think it's the inference from some on this thread that missing teeth equates with being a loser/homeless/drug addict/criminal etc that is unpleasant.

MoCaine · 27/09/2022 15:24

@Aquamarine1029 So if i fix two friends up and i get a text from the bloke saying, thanks...you twat, she must be about 14 stone, that's okay because he has standards ?

Aquamarine1029 · 27/09/2022 15:26

MoCaine · 27/09/2022 15:24

@Aquamarine1029 So if i fix two friends up and i get a text from the bloke saying, thanks...you twat, she must be about 14 stone, that's okay because he has standards ?

Yes, actually, it is. He has the right to not find women of a certain weight, any weight, attractive. Who are you to tell him who he must date?

thenewduchessoflapland · 27/09/2022 15:30

Frith2013 · 27/09/2022 10:07

You can't get implants on the NHS.

Not to mention they are very expensive to have fitted if your paying for them.

SettingsO · 27/09/2022 15:40

To be honest I think the teeth are a red herring. Alarm bells should be ringing at someone who wants to hear about the abusive past of a woman they haven’t even met yet.

BigFatLiar · 27/09/2022 15:56

SettingsO · 27/09/2022 15:40

To be honest I think the teeth are a red herring. Alarm bells should be ringing at someone who wants to hear about the abusive past of a woman they haven’t even met yet.

Perhaps he didn't want to hear it. I share things with OH because he's supportive and helps me not because he wants to know everything. Perhaps OP wanted to tell him and he was simply being supportive.

Dinoswearunderpants · 27/09/2022 16:08

I find this so shallow. My husband has a couple of teeth missing. They are at the back so not as noticeable however he doesn't have a few thousand pounds spare to get implants.

He does martial arts and this is how he lost them.

AliasGrape · 27/09/2022 17:55

BigFatLiar · 27/09/2022 15:56

Perhaps he didn't want to hear it. I share things with OH because he's supportive and helps me not because he wants to know everything. Perhaps OP wanted to tell him and he was simply being supportive.

Show quote history

This isn’t her husband, it’s a vague ‘friend of a friend who added her on social media/ slid into her DMs’ type situation.

Of course he could just be a nice guy who fancied her from her pictures and was receptive when she started telling him about her past, but she doesn’t know him and it sounds like there’s a bit of a boundaries issue on one or both sides.

shipwreckedonhighseas · 27/09/2022 18:42

It was the 'he is ruined' that made me think, if men talked about women like this (a mere physical object whose value could be negated be a chip) we'd call it the evils of the patriarchy. The op isn't obliged to fancy him now but I don't like the tone of her response.

CookPassBabtridge · 28/09/2022 14:16

It's amazing how people can cover this. I know someone who has no teeth at the top at all and when I saw it when sitting lower than him, I realised he never laughs or grins open mouthed.

CookPassBabtridge · 28/09/2022 14:34

I didn't realise for years! If you really like him and there is chemistry, which is hard to find, just give him a chance.

Travellingwomble · 28/09/2022 16:51

The reality is that we are all judgey, including those of us who are 'flawed' by today's standards. I have an obvious flaw and I hate it when people either deliberately or inadvertently point it out. Women and men do point it out but more often than not, women. Women can be so vicious to other women. Men can be really vicious too. I'm not seen as a desirable woman because of my 'flaw/s'. I've had long term relationships but it is definitely something that has held me back in many ways throughout my life because of the comments or looks I would get if I let society see the real me. Despite this I admit there are certain things in a man I don't find attractive but would never point it out or comment as I know how that feels.

Watchkeys · 28/09/2022 17:06

@Travellingwomble

The reality is that we are all judgey

No. The reality is that we all have preferences. We don't all think that what we prefer is 'right' and that other things are 'wrong'. That's what judging is.

ThisIsntDanicaBritannica · 28/09/2022 17:16

I have a medical condition that means my tooth enamel is crap and paper thin - tooth decaying by the time I was mid twenties. As I have a phobia of dentists my lovely husband forked out an eye watering amount to have my entire mouth crowned, with a bit of additional NHS funding. Paid a private dentist for sedation, whole process took two years.
My dentist has now retired. My dental work is nearing the end of its life and I have one front tooth missing. I’ve spent hours trying to get into an NHS dental practice, where I will need to be assessed before paying partially for my treatment.
it’s not as simple as ‘just go to the dentist.’ I would love to but I can’t get in ANYWHERE. I’m fully prepared to travel as far as necessary. There are NO nhs patients being taken on currently.
People do double takes at my dental deficiencies, probably make assumptions about me that are all wrong. I am a well spoken women with intelligence but unfortunately crap genetics and I cannot just go to the dentist or just get dentures or just get it sorted.
Happily married 20 years with a teenage daughter. I run my own business. Looks aren’t everything.

BloodAndFire · 28/09/2022 17:38

Cakeycrumbz · 26/09/2022 21:24

No it's not feelings like that just a really lovely feeling. I dont use dating apps he added me through a friend and we just got talking.. swapped numbers and stuff. He's got the kindest funniest personality I just feel drawn to him and that's rare for me. I was tempted to meet him. But this has thrown me. Its just really unattractive but love how nice he is that's all.

If you're describing someone as the 'kindest' and 'funniest' and 'perfect' when you've literally never even met them, then teeth (or lack of) is really not the problem.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 28/09/2022 17:58

Watchkeys · 28/09/2022 17:06

@Travellingwomble

The reality is that we are all judgey

No. The reality is that we all have preferences. We don't all think that what we prefer is 'right' and that other things are 'wrong'. That's what judging is.

What a brilliant explanation. We shouldn't feel guilty for not fancying someone!

CountingCrowns · 28/09/2022 18:36

Cakeycrumbz · 26/09/2022 21:24

No it's not feelings like that just a really lovely feeling. I dont use dating apps he added me through a friend and we just got talking.. swapped numbers and stuff. He's got the kindest funniest personality I just feel drawn to him and that's rare for me. I was tempted to meet him. But this has thrown me. Its just really unattractive but love how nice he is that's all.

YOU HAVEN’T MET HIM IN REAL LIFE

Keyra · 28/09/2022 21:45

We had a builder working at our house a few years back. I had a massive crush on him - even though he had 2 front teeth missing. Some days they weren’t missing - it was all very exciting 😁

fastandthecurious1 · 28/09/2022 21:53

I agree with just ask him about it! I'm sure he's far more aware of it and insecure than he seems and maybe if you bring it up he will open up and you can both work a way to get him a bridge made up through the dentist.

I lost my front left tooth in a hockey accident it went dead and had to be removed and a crown fitter it looked awful and I am still paranoid a little because it doesn't look fully natural but I there's always you can't tell.

I understand the 'ick' comes in with certain things that seem shallow but we all have them! Just talk to him :)

Musti · 29/09/2022 03:06

it Is weird that he doesn’t get them sorted - implants, dentures, bridge. They are expensive but worth it.

I wouldn’t judge someone on missing teeth - I’ve lost some (but got implants) because they cracked despite always looking after my teeth and never taking drugs. My brother lost his front tooth after someone punched him on a night out. It was random, he wasn’t drunk and isn’t a hooligan. He had a bridge and then an implant.

If you got on and you find him attractive then why not meet him? You can always ask why he doesn’t sort his teeth out.

Joy69 · 29/09/2022 11:55

Maybe meet up with him & then decide. He may well have started to have work done but might be waiting for the 2nd half to be completed. As others have said, just ask him, you could be passing on a chance to be really happy.
The only way it would be a no go for me is if it was due to poor dental hygiene, as in massive plaque build up etc.

Flyinggeesei234 · 29/09/2022 13:33

CountingCrowns · 28/09/2022 18:36

YOU HAVEN’T MET HIM IN REAL LIFE

Show quote history

@CountingCrowns what is the point here? Surely the OP knows this! What do you actually mean?

eleanorsmellstrop · 29/09/2022 14:13

MoCaine · 27/09/2022 15:24

@Aquamarine1029 So if i fix two friends up and i get a text from the bloke saying, thanks...you twat, she must be about 14 stone, that's okay because he has standards ?

Is this serious?

Of COURSE a human being is allowed to find things attractive and have personal preferences.

I'm not attracted to certain features on people. One thing I'm not physically attracted to is overweight men. I also don't find very skinny men attractive. Is this not okay?

Everyone has certain things that they like in a potential partner, and certain things that they don't like, that would put them off a potential partner. It's not unkind, it's natural.

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