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Original poster

Perfect but his....

129 replies

Cakeycrumbz · 26/09/2022 20:44

Found a guy I love talking to. Connected so well..talk everyday..he makes me laugh. He's easy to say anything to. Good looking in photos. Really clicked and then a mutual friend told me he smiles with his mouth closed because he's got teeth missing at the top at the front.

I managed to find a video of him on fb and can see the shape of his mouth isn't right and yep he's got teeth missing. It's completely put me off and I'm gutted as in every other way he's wonderful

Has anyone else ever had this happen? Or something else?

I don't know how to wriggle back out the situation as I was pretty much ready to meet him. Feel so terrible. What can I possibly say to him?

OP posts:
incywincyspiders · 27/09/2022 09:23

People are so shallow! My partners teeth aren't great: he has dentures at the top and his bottom ones aren't in the best condition. It doesn't bother me, I don't even notice if I'm honest! If he's a good man, he's a good man.

TabithaTittlemouse · 27/09/2022 09:43

You like him, you’ve said he’s perfect and then you’re ‘friend’ mentioned his teeth. Do you not think it’s odd that she was shit on your happiness by telling you one bad thing about him?

Meet him and then decide.

TabithaTittlemouse · 27/09/2022 09:44

inheritanceshiteagain · 27/09/2022 09:09

I wonder if he has a dental phobia. Just no reason in this day and age to have this type of tooth problem.

Money? Realising that there’s more to life than looks? Phobia?

ParentallyUnprepared · 27/09/2022 09:55

I used to work with a really nice, handsome guy with the same problem.

Such a shame.

DoingJustFine · 27/09/2022 10:03

SettingsO · 26/09/2022 21:28

You're not being shallow. Front teeth missing says - homeless, troubled, poor, violent past.

If I were you I’d ask him about it - you’ve got nothing to loose.

Would you be offended if people wrote you off as thick because you couldn't spell "lose"?

Frith2013 · 27/09/2022 10:07

You can't get implants on the NHS.

DoingJustFine · 27/09/2022 10:12

When you lose teeth, the bone quickly vanishes. You need bone for implants. If someone has had teeth missing for a few years, chances are there won't be enough bone to implant into.

darksideofthemooncup · 27/09/2022 10:13

My partner had hardly any natural teeth, he wears dentures but not at home because they are uncomfortable. He lost a lot of teeth as a kid through sport and poor dental hygiene ( his parents weren't the best) then had implants which eventually failed and due to dentists fees being exorbitant was unable to maintain them properly.
I think it's a personal thing, I don't like it when we go out in public if he doesn't wear his dentures because I know other people will judge him but he is so much more than just his teeth (or lack of!)

darksideofthemooncup · 27/09/2022 10:28

I should also add, his latest dentures cost nearly 4K, so not an inexpensive option at all!

Edamamebeans · 27/09/2022 10:31

yes, she is being shallow, and plenty of homeless people have nice teeth, troubled ? like mentally ill ? Poor ? FFS really ? that sounds like you view having below a certain amount of money as a disease, violent past ? How about he played rugby, or was in an accident of some kind, maybe he has partial denture and just can't be arsed to wear them all the time ?

To be fair to the pp, I work for a homeless charity and there are a much higher proportion of people with experience of homeless who've lost their teeth, mainly because meth causes tooth loss and a higher proportion of homeless people are meth users / abusers.

Not saying that has anything to do with the op's friend of course, just clearing that misconception up.

MoCaine · 27/09/2022 12:06

thats absolute nonsense

MoCaine · 27/09/2022 12:08

that's not at all correct

MoCaine · 27/09/2022 12:11

seems i'm still getting grips with the quoting other messages, your bone doesn't ''vanish'' and implant are possible if you've had a gap for several years, but its roughly £1000 a tooth/implant

WhenDovesFly · 27/09/2022 12:35

I don't think it's fair to make an assumption that he has poor dental hygiene because he has teeth missing. This is outing but a friend currently has four front teeth missing because her dog ran into her whilst doing 'zoomies' at the park and she faceplanted the path, knocking some out and breaking others. It will be a few months before she can even be fitted for a bridge and goodness knows how much it will cost.

I'd want to find out more information first, and what his plans are. Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone who chose not to work towards having a denture for 4 missing teeth, but a denture/bridge per se wouldn't put me off.

Mamato3boysand2dogs · 27/09/2022 14:21

He has presumably sent you pictures of himself, smiling. Deliberately not showing his teeth.

That's wrong of him, he is misleading you deliberately. He must know you would have been shocked when you met him IRL. Potentially very awkward date and really not fair of him to do this.

Why not ask for a video call? Like a 'pre meet' thing, he won't be able to hide his teeth then and it will prompt the conversation as to what's happened for him to lose them and not get them replaced..... then take it from there.

Personally though, unless it was recent and he was in the process of getting it sorted, i wouldn't date him.

venusandmars · 27/09/2022 14:46

Sad I cannot believe some of these comments. I understand personal choice about who/what you find attractive in a partner, but the blanket judgement in some posts is awful.

My friend had breast cancer and subsequently a double mastectomy. Imagine replacing the word tits or breasts in any of these posts...

I wouldn’t date a man with no or even bad teeth. A lovely smile is one of the first things we are attracted to in a person. Doesn’t make you shallow to have standards 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's not that he has teeth missing it's that he hasn't done anything about it . And no I wouldn't go near someone with missing teeth

I wonder if he has a dental phobia. Just no reason in this day and age to have this type of tooth problem.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 27/09/2022 14:48

Watchkeys · 26/09/2022 21:21

How long have you been chatting without meeting? If you've been emotionally investing before even meeting him, there's a bigger problem than his teeth that you need to deal with, here.

If it's just the teeth, tell him. If you can't tell him, you're not as close as you think you are, and he's not as amazing as you've convinced yourself he is.

I agree with this - confiding about previous abusive relationships with someone you've never met alarms me.

venusandmars · 27/09/2022 14:50

For clarity, my previous post was not aimed at the OP. We all have individual choices we make, we have things we find attractive or don't. But I have hated the blanket 'write them off' responses.

venusandmars · 27/09/2022 14:55

Please don't waste your time. You can have your teeth knocked out for many reasons but there are implants there and even you can get it done on the NHS. No excuses. Next please

Yeah, my friend could have had breast implants, but her anxiety about further major surgery (and the risks) and her her anxiety about not being able to spot the return of any tumour means she made the difficult choice not to have implants.

Fortunately she has met a lovely broad minded accepting partner who loves her for her vibrancy, her enjoyment of wild dancing, her clever wit, her sense of humour, her honesty... He doesn't seem to mind that her breasts are missing.

SettingsO · 27/09/2022 14:57

Would you be offended if people wrote you off as thick because you couldn't spell "lose

Why would I be offended? I would kind of agree - I think it’s amazing how much spelling and grammar can influence our perception of intelligence! Just like missing teeth in a way! Grin

HandbagAtDawn · 27/09/2022 15:03

It's not shallow to want to be sexually attracted to someone you'll be dating.

This is the problem with chatting for ages online first. You create a sort of fantasy and you get really invested in it. Then reality hits and you feel like you're already in too deep.

You don't owe this man anything. Even if he has been really nice to you, that still doesn't mean you have to allow a romantic relationship to happen despite there being no attraction on your side. That's a very depressing thought.

Bestcatmum · 27/09/2022 15:04

Why the hell doesn't he have a plate with front teeth on or implants? I cannot abide missing teeth especially front teeth. I got dentures until I could save up for implants and I'm much much older.
Nobody wants to see a gummy mouth its so unattractive.
I'm afraid that would be a deal breaker for me. Shallow or not I don't care.

AliasGrape · 27/09/2022 15:04

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 27/09/2022 14:48

I agree with this - confiding about previous abusive relationships with someone you've never met alarms me.

Show quote history

Have to agree with this.

Teeth aside, it's a bit odd that you've shared so much personal stuff with someone you've never met and who just added you through a friend. If you've left an abusive relationship then you're in quite a vulnerable place. Why would someone who doesn't know you at all add you just because you're a friend of a friend, and why would the resulting conversations turn to such a personal nature?

It's good that he's given you good/ supportive feelings so far, and even helped you to feel ready to move on, but he's still just an anonymous person behind a screen up to now, and missing teeth might be the least of the things he's not been upfront about.

If it wasn't internet dating is there any indication that he's viewing this as having romantic potential anyway? I mean he blatantly is because in my experience men don't just strike up social media conversations with women because they're looking for new friends - but has he made that explicit? I guess I'm wondering what level of expectation is there from his end? You don't have to meet him, even if you previously felt you might like to. On the other hand, you could do - see how you feel, it might not be as much of an issue for you in person. And if it is, you can say 'really lovely to meet you and I've definitely enjoyed our chats but there just wasn't any chemistry for me in person' and leave it there?

Bestcatmum · 27/09/2022 15:07

DoingJustFine · 27/09/2022 10:12

When you lose teeth, the bone quickly vanishes. You need bone for implants. If someone has had teeth missing for a few years, chances are there won't be enough bone to implant into.

They implant bone if you don't have enough. I had a sinus lift before having my implants which is basically a bone implant and wore a plate costing £200 while I waited for them to "set".

darksideofthemooncup · 27/09/2022 15:08

'Why the hell doesn't he have a plate with front teeth on or implants?'
Possibly because they are ridiculously expensive. Dental care in this country is totally outside the budget of many people, we had to get a loan for my partner's dentures.
A full set of implants would be in excess of 20k, trust me, we researched it extensively